A long, ringing silence followed after Ranjiri went silent. Cathun found himself staring at her, mouth open, completely taken aback. Not by the words, per say, but by the tone. She had been snarling, like an angry badger, and if he hadn't been so overwhelmed by the sheer ferocity he might have grinned widely in appreciation. What a woman!

But. Her words still stung. Once they managed to penetrate through his confusion (which was very real, by the way, and not at all a product of lacking will as she'd said) the young equine closed his eyes to conceal the hurt they might reveal. Oh, she was right of course. That was the annoying part about Ranjiri. She was always right, always wise, always so fucking strong... She made it sound so very easy to just accept and trust, but she also had a very kind nature, not at all like his own brooding, begrudged spirit.

Postponing the moment when he would have to react to her anger and verbal challenges he turned instead to Ampere, impatient and far more willing to snap at her than at the golden girl. Her tone was quiet and reasonable, unlike before at the warrior meeting, and it struck him as such a waste that she would place this reasonable attitude on the back-burner. Imagine how much more she might get accomplished if she changed her tone of voice!

"Don't you high-ranked people ever talk to one another?" he quipped, responding to her apparent confusion. "I've already told Meg, I thought she would have spread the tale before next light... " But apparently not. It seemed he would have to start from the beginning - perhaps that would help them understand his fears, his pain... his wishes.

Blinking slowly as he looked between the mares Cathun sighed and began to pick his way along the water, not intending to leave so much as to provide an outlet for all the restless, pent up energy.

"Fine, I will tell you. The whole story. It's short enough, but... don't blame me for wasting your time." He cleared his voice and tried to gather his thoughts, hating every second he had to spend thinking about his past.

"My father, Lace, met my mother Guren by chance, or so they've told me. He was a mere traveler then, just passing by, but mom was a priestess. Devoted to the Fire God, supposed to be seen or touched by none other than him. Well, they ended up breaking that taboo, and when that God found out, he cursed my mom for breaking her vow. 'Your fate and the fate of the realm will be brought on by blood and flame'. Then she had me, and I wasn't exactly... normal."

He stopped and turned to the women, a grim look on his face as he reached for the golden chains around his neck. With the pulse racing through his veins and nauseous with fear he shrugged the thing off, and as the links landed in the sand his entire nature changed. With a roar crimson flames erupted and consumed every inch of skin, until he appeared nothing more than a single, dancing flame, a horse-shaped demon radiating heat and blinding light.

"This is my curse" he said, the voice a dry crackle, the murmur of wind on glowing coals. Unearthly. Monstrous.

"I am not of flesh and bone, but fire. Giving birth to me nearly killed my mother, and I burned the healers and temple priests that tried to douse the flames to death. Only in Helovia, it seems, am I harmless... outside these borders I would have burned you by now, just by standing this close."  He gazed longingly at the necklace in the sand, every moment that passed by without it felt like torture.

"I grew fast. Too fast. In weeks I grew to the size and strength of a yearling, and my temper was uncontrollable. They thought me mad, insane... They kept me locked up within the dark temple, deprived it of oxygen and light so that these flames wouldn't harm anyone. Only the old high priest and my mother were allowed to see me."

He closed his eyes and the bright, luminous pits that were his windows to the world faded, diminished.

"Then dad came back and found out about my existence. He fought his way to the temple and made them let me out, made them teach me - to read and write, about history and culture, about the god that had turned me into this. But that fucking demon, he wasn't exactly happy about it so he used me and fulfilled that accursed prophecy. He moved me like a pawn and had me burn everyone. Everyone! The temple priests, the soldiers, the citizens, my newfound friends... my mother!"

White-hot sparks trickled down the flickering silhouette of cheeks, his voice taught with pain.

"When the smoke cleared that old, prosperous land was reduced to ashes. By me. Do you understand? I did that. But it's not like these flames burn on their own. All fire needs fuel, right? Before that God had used his powers to keep me burning but since he relinquished that hold on me this bloody curse feeds on my soul. By rights I should be dead already - I have lived for three years even though I was only supposed to last for one, all thanks to that piece of junk."

A burning foot kicked into the sand by the trinket, bitterly.

"Now that thing is failing too, and it seems like my only option, if I want to keep dragging out this pointless existence, is to turn to yet another fucking god for help."

He reached down and picked up the seals, fiddled a bit until he could get it back around the neck, and as the remaining stone resumed its glowing and the fires were doused, slowly but steadily, he looked back at the others with a grim expression.

"You ask me what I want, like it even matters. What I want has never been relevant. I have never had a choice, and everything I gained has already been taken away from me. What I want? I want a life far away from gods and magic, where no one can decide over my life but me. I want the chance to live or die due to my actions, not because of some self-absorbed immortal. I want a life that is mine.... But that's not going to happen. Only by magic can this necklace be mended, that much I do know, and only by having this can I continue to even exist."

He began pacing again, the remaining flame-like mane ripping and crackling in the breeze.

"So yeah, Ranjiri" he said, finally acknowledging her earlier scolding, "call me whatever you want. It still doesn't change the fact that I hate gods, and I hate magic, and I hate relying on others!"

"But it's the only thing I can do, because... " the air went out of him quite suddenly and he stopped yet again, looking defeated and tired, "because I don't want to die."