| Outcast |
| Stallion :: Equine :: 16.2 hh :: 2 years [Birdsong] |
| Jen |
I'm gonna carry you in
In my head, in my heart, in my soul
This one hurts. Pain, pain is everywhere, everything. [Sudden moments of clarity overtake me. This is the first day of the rest of my life, and I cannot overcome this with sheer will. This is not counting tails, this is not running from danger. This is running straight into it and facing the consequences. So young, now, and I've already learned what my father never did.
How I wish to be counting tails with her, with] manny? manny? "MAN!" the only cry this one can [utter, a sharp exhalation of the last emotional breath before my spine is altered in a mangled contortion. I become pain: it suits me, after all. It is lucky I have existed even this long in a virginal sort of state. I have--no, had--avoided pain. That is over now, everything is] over, rolling over trying to get up, move about, can't move, can't move, everything sharp.
Manny finds this one, drags up, up, into [dignity. There was no way I could have had any semblance of self until that moment when it was revealed to me that without her, I would be nothing. My father was nowhere I could find, she was my only chance. In retrospect, I can consider her to be the one that has prolonged this painful life.
I think, father, that you were trying. I saw you from the ground, moving closer with contention of the self that I was still too young to grasp. You didn't realize but you'd only been yourself since the moment I had been born, it was an amazing change in you you'd only recognize much later. I caused a certain stillness in you. I brought you peace you couldn't recognize. You blinded yourself because to see the happiness you could have had would have been too much.
So the moment that you came to me with your eyes still smoking pale silver, I couldn't trust you to help me. I] leaned on Manhattan, stood, stood strong and looked back at big light [Sun God,] felt that missing, that missing [affection, the kind you never really learned to give me properly, and cried at all that beauty.]
Cried.
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SWP :: You thought it was over? So did I. (CONCLUSION)
