Kaj was not a creature of hesitation. Or at least, once upon a time he had not been. He’d conquered battlefields with nothing but a discordant hum inside his head, living a life of action and reaction. Kaj knew what it meant to be thoughtless and obedient, to not feel guilt simply because he was told not to. So much had changed in Helovia, he had changed. As he felt the earth crumble beneath the might and weight of his massive body, felt Isopia’s similarly large frame come into contact, he wondered if he missed those years of ignorane. The fear and guilt that swelled up to choke him immediately as their hides touched – slammed, for how impact ricocheted up his frame to jostle his thoughts into fragments of regret and hesitation – nearly had him calling an end to the fight right then. Kaj could hear Resplendence screaming in the undercurrent of their bodies meeting, the signals of dull pain in his right shoulder a reminder of the harm he could cause Isopia. Isopia, whom he’d wanted to be his - to be his blood - a union of himself and Kahlua that could have been, in another realm, another lifetime. Kaj could not cause Isopia that same pain, even if it led to his downfall and disgrace. He could not do to her what he’d done to Resplendence, could not let himself regress into the machine the act of faux-battle always tried to make him. No matter how it may naturally work for Isopia, Kaj knew that if he tried to follow her into that headspace…it would be a spar no longer, it would be a fight to the death.
 
Momentum instinctually carries him forward, superior agility lending lighter steps on the sinking, familiar depths of sand beneath his weight. It reminds him of Bronze in the Island’s sparring arena, of Maskan on the arid sands with the wind that had stung his hide. It’s familiar, and he digs his large hooves into the solid wetness hidden below and lets his speed carry onward, all too aware that Isopia would be gathering herself for retaliation and wanting to be out of range if possible. Maskan rumbled happily in his head, reminding him to keep moving, he could do more damage with speed behind his weight. Unfortunately that also rang true for Isopia. Kaj didn’t mind bearing the brutality of Isopia’s blows emotionally, but his pride still struggled uselessly against him, demanding a win lest he fail in all aspects of his life. Plus Isopia towered above him, a dangerous force even with her lack of training, and he didn’t intend to stick around to feel the brunt of her weight and power.
 
Sand stings against his legs as he adjusts course, swinging left as he carries onward, his injured shoulder aching beneath the strain of putting his weight upon it in order to turn. The world is a dizzying wash of crimson, and he can feel his heart pulsing in his throat as his hindquarters swing high automatically. Massive hooves lash out towards Isopia’s right ribs and flank, trying to push her further towards the water than his shove had. He had agility on his side, but Isopia could fight for longer in her youth and breed. Kaj needed to make her struggle, sap at her energy reserves. He finds himself second guessing every attack, instinctive though they are. Tries to pull his punches, so to say. Can’t bear to see Isopia turn this land any redder with blood he may force from her hide.
 
Kaj can only hold the position for so long after he kicks out at her, stumbles forward in the sand as he comes out of it. It’s ungraceful, but he can’t care beyond the twinging fire that burns through his scar and the joint of his shoulder. It makes him panic, makes him feel the strangling desire to win all over again, warring with his desire to protect Isopia. He doesn’t know what to do, and he knows that the battle is as much within himself as it is against Isopia. Instead he flees, lunging forward and off the burning limb, trying to get distance between himself and the demi-god with a few long-legged strides. Maybe it could help him run from the demons inside of him as well.