KAJ
Realism [+2]
Overall you have a great handle on fighting and its mechanics, just some bits and pieces in each post to work on.

For instance, in post 1 you start the fight with an existing injury, but you say it’s his left foreleg/shoulder that was hurt, but at the end you say he was favoring his right side? You had a good attack though and brought in some surroundings and breed descriptions and comparisons, and I like him trying to go light because it was a spar and due to a bad past experience.

In post 2 you similarly mention surroundings, I like him trying to push her into the water and knowing she was approaching because of the flung sand. You also bring up breed differences, but Kaj had greater endurance than Isopia! Be sure not to write incorrect stats/breed differences! You fail to make any note of her heated rock attack, and although she rolled a miss it’s not as if the attack didn’t happen, so you need to respond to it in some way. Your buck attack was great, but I’d like to see more description about how he managed that on his injured shoulder, which you do mention again, but otherwise it doesn’t really seem to hinder Kaj (since he bucks just fine). Good tie in again with experiences.

In post 3 you respond well to her attack, and I like your attempt to turn away from it to reduce it’s damage, but it still seemed pretty injuring for only rolling a 2. The way you described it seemed like she gouged a good chunk out of him which would be more suitable for a damage roll of 4. Although you mention your injured shoulder again and do mention how it reduces your agility and ability to turn, you’re still able to buck. I would have liked to see another mention of the injury he just sustained from isopia as well, albeit since it was only a 2 damage shouldn’t have been too impacting to him, and being so high on the but, more by the hip than the muscle and lower leg power, probably wouldn’t affect his ability to move much. You touched a little bit on surroundings and breed again.

Overall really good, just watch that injury realism and tying in missed attacks better.


Emotion [+2.5]
I constantly felt like I understood Kaj and his motives. Your first post was especially powerful, and I liked how at the end he couldn’t hold onto his restraint any longer. It was nice to see how all his past experienced affected his current actions and mindset.

“Had he disappeared so firmly into his role that any individuality had been erased? “


Prose [+3.5]
Beautiful imagery, flow, and vocabulary all throughout the fight.


Readability [+2.5]
Posts were readable and grammatically correct, just some minor errors.

P1:
“Glass metal lay familiar…” (glass metal is not a thing, meant to write glassy maybe?)
P2: tense changes
“...hides touched – slammed, for how impact…” (difficult to understand this whole sentence)


Finally tally: 46.5+(10.5*2)= 67.5 HP


ISOPIA
Realism [+1]
You’re an experienced fighter so I really enjoyed you playing off your character’s inexperience!

Post 1 for instance Isopia expected her earth shield to work again, but as you noted holding up under dragon fire was different from a horse’s ram, that was awesome. However the damage you took from that attack was extremely minimal and was more of a 1 damage than the 4 that you rolled - I would have liked to see her possibly pushed of balance/stumble, maybe get parts of her rock embedded in her or something to make it more than just a bruise. You mentioned some stats and surroundings and had a good attack strategy.

In post 2 I’m really confused about how you translated a damage roll of 2 from taking Kaj’s buck square into her chest. A buck is basically a horse’s strongest attack! If you had made some attempt to evading, if it had clipped her rather than hit her square, even if you had moved into the buck to help reduce its extension and thus power, it would have been passable, but she essentially turned to go from shoulder to chest and was said to have taken it squarely, which is more like a damage roll of 5. There was limited explanation of the injury as well, other than some bruising and minor winding (which is all the injury she should take for a damage roll of 2, but not from a full buck). Good mention of surroundings and reasoning for why she wasn’t taking the fight aerial. Good horn attack strategy, would have liked to see the injury brought up a bit more since all the running to catch Kaj would be hurting her chest - you say her muscles burn in the sand and she’s puffing, but attribute it more to lack of training than injury (which in and of itself is realistic, but doesn’t count towards the injury mention). I did like you saying that she protected her injured right side and thus launched to her left though.

With post 3 again I had some issues with your injury strategy. You rolled a damage of 1 but again take a direct buck, again without much attempt to evade or somehow explain why the kick only causes a damage of 1 - instead this time you describe the kick as being softer and attribute it to Kaj not putting power into it, but this is basically power play because Kaj had just gone into “kill or be killed” mindset and was fighting much harder than his prior posts. Your evasion of his bite was good, but you don’t mention his ram at all; evading his bite evades his ram because they’re of similar location but it read as if you ignored the ram. Your rear attack was good but didn’t fall into line with how damaged her chest should be after all those kicks since you're attacking with those very muscles. Good use of some stat differences.

Overall you fight well and tie in a lot of good realism aspects, but really need to work on translating dice damage into realistic injuries from realistic attack sources.


Emotion [+2]
I really enjoyed all the motives behind Isopia’s choices, and how you managed to make the fight emotional despite her noticeable lack of emotions. I especially liked her frustration with the missed attacks, her utilization of magic above physical body use, and her analyzing of how fights work in general.

“Her mind did not know fear, and she needed her body to forget that it did.”


Prose [+3.5]
Really lovely writing all throughout the fight with great flow, vocabulary, and imagery.


Readability [+2.5]
Very readable and grammatically correct, just a few minor errors.

P1:
“...she didn't not consider…” (double negative)

P2: tense changes

P3:
“...couldn't even landed…” (land)


Finally tally: 47+(9*2)= 65 HP