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Mirage
Azzuen
Vikram
Tares
Jaydan
Paladin
Ricochet
Kiara
Ned
Torasin
Leander
Midas
Aaron
Archibald
Madmask
Kri
Rishima
Lace
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Paladin
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Dodge to the side to avoid Giselle's attack, yet still taking Psyche's attack.
+ 1| Attack: Horn attack on Delinne.
+ 2| Attack: Horn attack on Giselle + blood boiling magic on Giselle
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Remorse that Giselle's upbringing changed her into what she is.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Rearing to avoid being stabbed in the eye.
+ 1| Attack: Blood boil on Giselle while backing away to protect his belly.
+ 1| Attack: Stabbing at Giselle's belly rather than rearing with her.
+ 1| Attack: Kick at Giselle before running to interecept Delinne
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Sadness and confusion while attacking Delinne. Questioning the purpose of war.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Rearing to avoid horn swipe by Monster and taking injury to his cheek.
+ 1| Joining Ned for a double attack on Psyche.
- 1| You say Paladin leaped to the side to avoid Delinne's attack, but there is no mention of him coming down from his rear. It's hard for me to see how he could leap from a standstill on his hind legs.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Beginning to lose control because of his anger.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Rearing to avoid Monster and Ricochet
- 1| No mention of Delinne's final attack.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Checking on his warriors and thanking Kri for helping him.
[Injuries]
- 1| Stab wound to hip.
[Creativity]
+ 1| "Blood had a bitter tang, metallic almost. Everyone was a machine, a mindless slave to this world."
+ 1| Magic use.
Comments: Paladin is an absolute joy to read in battle. His emotions are always there and it adds to the experience of reading him.
TOTAL
Challenger - 25
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Kri
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Moving higher to be out of reach of horns and mouths.
+ 1| Attack: Diving hoof attack on Psyche.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Psyche to cause pain and s
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Kri's dislike of Paladin and of helping him in the battle.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Surveying the battlefield from the air and picking out a target.
+ 1| Attack: Air crushing magic on Giselle.
+ 1| Attack: Diving hoof attack on Giselle.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Desire to keep her allies safe.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Bouncing off of Giselle's rump back into the air.
+ 1| Defense: Kri's reaction to Giselle's magic and the use of her own magic to keep her in the air.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking at Giselle in retalliation to her trying to tear out a feather.
+ 1| Blacking out because of exhaustion.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Alan's poll to keep her from slashing with her horn.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Kri's determination is amazing.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Aching body due to Giselle's magic.
+ 1| Aching legs because of her rough landing.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion:
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Relatively uninjured compared to most of those she attacked.
+ 1| Magic use.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Use of wind magic to stay airborn after Giselle's blood freezing attack.
Comments: Kri is always present in this fight. Her determination to win and protect her allies makes her very endearing. I also love her ending bit about Paladin. I really can't help but think that she secretly likes him.
TOTAL
Challenger - 28
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Kiara
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Moving back to avoid being impaled by Mauja's ice spikes.
+ 1| Attack: Charging Alan + change of plans as the battle progressed.
+ 1| Attack: Twisting to buck at Alan.
- 1| Bite attack. I cannot see how with the way Kiara's body was twisted so she could buck at Alan where she would be in a position to bite her as well.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Wondering why she's fighting and gaining inspiration from Mirage.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Teaming up with Maskan to attack Alan.
+ 1| Attack: Body ram.
+ 1| Attack: Bite to Alan's face.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Anger
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Bites at Alan's face and hooves striking at her forelegs.
+ 1| Attack: Bucking at Korra after taking the horns to her rump.
+ 1| Taking Alan's shoulder to the chest.
0| Personally I would never have my character rear in such close combat with a unicorn because it is too easy to get a horn to the belly or chest. However, I decided not to take off because Kiara's anger made her blind to the danger or it, which fit her attitude for the fight.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: Anger turning to fear.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: I don't see how moving back would keep Alan's horn from striking her, especially since Alan's forward momentum would be greater than that of Kiara moving backward.
+ 1| Letting Alan go after the fight had ended.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Working with another character to double team the enemy.
- 2| Collapsing at the end of the fight.
[Injuries]
- 1| Deep cuts to the rump.
Comments: I really got the feeling of just how angry Kiara could get and I must admit that I never expected her to have such a temper. Sometimes your posts could get a little muddled especially with so much action going on so I would just work on really clarifying what's going on.
TOTAL
Challenger - 17
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Leander
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Taking to the air to avoid Mauja's ice spikes, should he use them again.
+ 1| Attack: Shoulder ram.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Frustration, anger, despair.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Taking Mauja's bite to the shoulder and describing the pain.
- 1| There is no description of how the crash landing into Mauja really affected him. How did he hit the ground? Was it hard? Did it hurt his legs?
+ 1| Attack: Bucking at Mauja.
+ 1| Moving to intercept Faelene and preparing to be stabbed by her.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Wanting to protect Faelene. Thinking about turning on his allies for her.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Turning to avoid being stabbed by Descaro, yet still taking an injury in the form of a scrape.
0 | Leaving himself open for an attack from Faelene. I wanted to take off a point for this, but in the end I decided not to because Leander's emotional state and the fact that he cares so deeply for Faelene makes it somewhat understandable that he would trust her not to hurt him.
+ 1| Attack: Going for Descaro's throat and still making plans on what he will do should Descaro try to stab him.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Pulling back so Descaro's kick misses.
- 1| Not paying attention and allowing Aurelius to get in one last bite.
+ 1| Moving to protect a fallen ally
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Resentment
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| I love, love, love how all throughout the battle Leander's focus was on making sure Faelene was safe even if it meant that she might harm him.
[Injuries]
- 1| Long cut on side.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Using the downward momentum of his dive to add force behind the shoulder ram.
Comments: Leander's emotion throughout the fight was amazing. I felt like I was feeling exactly what he was feeling. Good job!
TOTAL
Challenger - 20
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Archibald
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Mentioning size differences when picking out his target.
+ 1| Attack: Shoulder ram to Arabella.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Anger at Mauja for attacking Aaron.
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1|Defense: Using the momentum from Monster's ram to spin away from Arabella's horn attack.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Monster's neck.
+ 1| Attack: Using magic to knock Monster off balance.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
KNOCKED OUT
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
KNOCKED OUT
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Magic Use.
[Creativity]
+ 1| I really liked the way you used an attack from one enemy to avoid an attack from another enemy.
Comments: I enjoyed reading Archibald's fight posts, so I'm really sad that you weren't able to finish. I think you have a good handle on attacks and defenses, I would just love to have more emotion coming from him in his fight.
TOTAL
Challenger - 12
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Lace
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Body ram at Korra.
+ 1| Noting differences in build.
- 1 | "Lace quickly regained his balance and reared, allowing the momentum to carry him to the right and forward so that he ended up right behind her rump" -- To me this is powerplay because you make it sound as if Korra has already taken the attack and that she didn't make any move in defense to allow you to end up behind her.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Korra.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
- 1| Broken leg. This is very, very bad as a horse with a broken leg can put no weight on it and is most often a death sentence. I would avoid broken bones and even fractures at all costs. I would have much rather seen Lace turning and coming down, getting scrapes from horns and such than have him break a leg.
+ 1| Attack: Fajira breathing fire at Aurelius.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Fajira breathing fire at Mauja.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
0 | Nothing to defend against.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Use of Fajira's fire breathing.
[Injuries]
- 2| Broken leg.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Using Fajira's as eyes to get a better view of the battle field. Loved it!
Comments: Even after Lace broke his leg he was still nice to read because his emotions were always there. I am just very sad that he took so much damage and now I'm wondering what will happen to him in the future.
TOTAL
Challenger - 14
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T o r a s i n
TORASIN -- Round 2
[Realism]
- 1| Typically it is unwise to have your character fall over during battle, and I don't feel it was really necessary in his case.
+ 1| DEFENSE: using Torasin's magic to heal it after being cut.
+ 1| DEFENSE: sidestepping to avoid Alan's ram/horn slash.
+ 1| ATTACK: Kiba claws at Alan's back
0| ATTACK: Kicking at Alan. I don't think this is feasible due to time constraints, but I do enjoy your bit about his legs getting shock.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
TORASIN -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Rearing to avoid the jab to the chest, albeit goaded by Kiba.
+ 1| ATTACK: Blocking Alan's escape route by throwing his body toward her.
- 1| DEFENSE: Allowing a knee to be fractured is a serious injury that would likely cripple Torasin, not just make it difficult to walk.
+ 1| Trying to get Aurelius to turn back toward Torasin
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
TORASIN -- Round 4
KNOCKED OUT
TORASIN -- Round 5 (defense only)
KNOCKED OUT
TORASIN
[Bonus]
+ 1| Using healing magic on himself.
+ 1| Kiba as a distraction/intimidation tactic.
[Injuries]
- 1| Fractured knee.
[Creativity]
+ 1| I love that Torasin is rather out of sorts since he is a healer in the middle of the battle.
Comments: I really enjoyed reading Torasin's posts, but for future reference, it is probably best not to break bones. Especially for wild horses, it is extremely hard to recover from leg injuries. Ultimately, aim for a bruised bone or a sprain next time.
TOTAL
Torasin - 13
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M a d r y n AND M a s k a n
MADMASK -- Round 2
[Realism]
MASKAN
+ 1| Protecting Rishima
+ 1| ATTACK: biting at Ricciardo.
- 1| "MASKAN swung his bodice around to the right, keeping his forelegs planted so that his haunches moved and he was now standing parallel to the shorter steed." To me this sounds like you are attempting to make Maskan pivot on the forehand, which as far as I know isn't possible. The closest thing would be a gradual turn on the forehand, but you worded this entirely wrong for that case.
+ 1| ATTACK: aiming the scrape Ricciardo's foreleg with his own hoof.
+ 1| ATTACK: shove-biting at Ricciardo's left side.
MADRYN
+ 1| Aiding Ricochet
+ 1| ATTACK: biting at Lloyd's shoulder
+ 1| ATTACK: ramming Lloyd's left side
- 1| ATTACK: bucking out at Lloyd's barrel. I had a hard time swallowing this attack because of the intended ram. Maskan is a fairly large horse, so I think the fast paced track of these attacks are unlikely, especially when he is throwing his force into another mammoth of a stallion.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
0 | Emotion: felt a little dry and technical.
+ 1| Flow
MADMASK -- Round 3
[Realism]
MASKAN
+ 1| ATTACK: ramming into Alan.
+ 1| ATTACK: biting at Alan.
MADRYN
+ 1| Coughing, watery eyes after Ricochet's magic fills the air with smoke.
+ 1| DEFENSE: reacting to Deimos's magic with sluggishness, trying to escape.
+ 1| DEFENSE: horn slice to the right foreleg in a more meaty place. Lots of blood which fits with leg injuries.
+ 1| DEFENSE: taking kick to the left haunch
+ 1| ATTACK: kicking out at Deimos to take advantage of close proximity, takes a lot of effort.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
MADMASK -- Round 4
[Realism]
MASKAN
0 | I was not confused, but I thought this needed a comment. "Satisfied, at least minimally by the taste of her sweaty fur between his teeth..." This is spoken right after mentioning Kiara, so at first I read it as he bit Kiara. Be careful with your pronouns, especially in this type of situation!
+ 1| DEFENSE: taking the kick meant for Torasin to the pectoral.
+ 1| ATTACK: biting at Alan's flank.
MADRYN
+ 1| The description of cat and mouse for Deimos is fantastic.
+ 1| Taking the horn slice to the hind leg - I like that you include how he is further crippled by this.
+ 1| ATTACK: rearing to hit Deimos, with mention of his injured hindquarters.
- 1| Skin flap. Unless Deimos's horn sliced underneath the skin without tearing it off from the leg, I do not understand how a piece of skin would be flapping around. Cuts would tear the flesh, but they aren't going to loosen huge chunks because of connective tissues.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 2| Emotion: Madyrn using his frustration to psych himself up is great.
+ 1| Flow
MADMASK -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
MASKAN
+ 1| DEFENSE: moving away from Korra as she pushes in to minimize damage.
- 1| Korra has antlers, but I would think them less dull and not really as sharp as this post makes them out to be, especially not enough to make blood cascade downward from him.
+ 1| Little emotional spark at the end was nice.
MADRYN
+ 1| Nearly being knocked over by Deimos.
+ 1| The description of the drain of all his energy.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
MADMASK
[Bonus]
None.
[Injuries]
None of note.
[Creativity]
+ 1| "A hunger, an emptiness, a hollow itch overwhelmed Madyrn. The stallion, named for shadows and yet ruled by fire, visibly seemed to dim, the alertness about him stolen by another, by this, DIEMOS." T'was great.
Comments: Overall, I enjoyed reading Madyrn and Maskan. They are interesting characters, and I think handled themselves well in battle. I disagreed with a lot of the damage you took, not necessarily where but how. I felt like it was unrealistic a lot of the time, but I do think you have a good sense of attacks you can escape and attacks you can't.
TOTAL
Madryn and Maskan - 32
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A z z u e n
AZZUEN -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Slight friendly fire with Tare's wings. ;)
+ 1| ATTACK: jabbing at Faelene's shoulder with his spear.
+ 1| ATTACK: trying to rear into Faelene
- 2| ATTACK: stabbing at Faelene with the spear. While I appreciate this attack from a tactical standpoint, some of the language leading up to it was very strong and suggestive of powerplay. You worded this attack in such a way that made it seem like Faelene had not moved, boxing her in, essentially.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
AZZUEN -- Round 3
[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: Taking Aurelius's ram to the leg. This occurs during the part where Azzuen is supposedly rearing, and you even mention that he lifts his back leg (had momentary vision of horse standing on one leg). A horse is incredibly unbalanced while rearing, and any attack of his legs should at least knock his forelegs to the ground, if not tip him over completely.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Taking to flight to avoid the horn slice from Lena.
- 1| With Azzuen's back leg being injured, take off would have been slow without the strength to push off the ground and this probably would have been delayed. Is a brilliant strategy, but I would have liked to see him get some cuts on his cannon maybe.
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking at Lena's face
+ 1| ATTACK: Using magic to blind Aurelius.
+ 1| ATTACK: Air-ram down on the blind Aurelius.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
AZZUEN -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Difficult ascent: Here is the effect of the damage I was looking for.
- 1| ATTACK: Using Azzuen's magic to increase pain in Aurelius. This is a great use of your magic, but you did not follow your Battle Restrictions. It clearly states that you are allowed to effect only one organ or portion of your opponents body, not all nerves in the body.
+ 1| ATTACK: slashing at Aurelius, but not mentioning basic aim/target.
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking at Aurelius as he flies by.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
AZZUEN -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: Taking Aurelius's kick to his leg. "attack of a bucking kick would not have hurt as much as it did, had it been upon his left leg" - Then you switch over to describing the injury ON his left leg. I am fairly sure you meant to put "had it not been upon his left leg", but unfortunately I have to judge upon what here.
+ 1| Exhaustion, emotional turmoil, closing sentiments.
[Prose]
0 | Easy Read: I got really confused when you were talking about his legs and the damage.
+ 1| Emotion
0 | Flow: Rushed.
AZZUEN
[Bonus]
0 | Magic: One good use and one against battle restrictions. Be sure to read them carefully!
[Injuries]
- 1| Back left leg is worse for wear.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Blinding Aurelius to try and make him more apt to hurt teammates was a good attack.
Comments: Azzuen is very alive in this battle, and active. I love it a lot, but you made a lot of mistakes technically. Be very, very cautious not to word you posts to where they even remotely sound like powerplay. Also regard the battle restrictions as law! They are flexible from a creative sense, but certain parts are not. Great fight!
TOTAL
Azzuen - 16
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R i c o c h e t
RICOCHET -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 2| ATTACK: Exploding dust in the path of the brothers. Using the dust kicked up by Midas in the path of Lucius & Lloyd was brilliant.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Lucious's horn scraping along Rico's side.
+ 1| ATTACK: Cowkicking at the side of Lucious as he runs by is realistic and smart.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Barely missing Lloyd.
+ 1| ATTACK: Biting at Lucious's haunch, while trying to scrape his back legs.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
RICOCHET -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: using speed of movements to escape Lucious's rear and horn swipe.
0 | DEFENSE: taking Lloyd's kick to his forearm instead of a more delicate part of the leg was good, but considering the height difference, a buck from such a large horse probably would have landed closer to the shoulder.
+ 1| ATTACK: Biting at Lloyd.
0 | ATTACK: Ramming into Lucious. This is smart, but I was not entirely certain when reading if you were just headed in his direction or actually attempting to ram him until I read your brief summary.
+ 1| ATTACK: using Guns to attack Lloyd who is busy rearing.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Lloyd's hooves bare touch because of Rico's movement toward Lucious
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
RICOCHET -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: Using body as a battering ram to run through unicorns, while also taking note of the dangers of their horns. Not exactly smart, but very Ricochet.
+ 1| ATTACK: bucks at Monster and takes recoil pain from existing injuries.
+ 1| ATTACK: Biting at Delinne/Monster
+ 1| ATTACK: Half rearing to scrape Delinne's legs.
- 1| ATTACK: Shoving past Delinne and exiting the group. Should have stayed put because you do not really know what could happen during the span of time they are interacting.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
RICOCHET -- Round 5 (defense only)
KNOCKED OUT
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Mention of the fog and using it toward your advantage.
+ 1| Size difference and its implications.
+ 1| Effect of injuries throughout the invasion.
+ 1| Magic use
[Injuries]
None of note.
[Creativity]
+ 1| "At first Ricochet did not see them, but he could sense them, could feel them as their large hooves beat thunder into the sky that was the grassy terrain." Dat description.
+ 1| Cannot get over how cool it was to use Midas's dust cloud.
Comments: Ricochet is such a fun character to read, especially in fights! He has lots of energy and always has interesting emotion. You are so great at incorporating your surroundings, using the terrain to your advantage, as well as keeping your injuries in mind and present.
TOTAL
Ricochet - 28
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10-05-2012, 01:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2012, 01:36 PM by Official.)
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A a r o n
AARON -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: Aaron uses FIRE. It's super effective!
+ 1| DEFENSE: leaping out of the way of Mauja's charge.
+ 1| ATTACK: biting at Mauja's flank.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow: some basic grammatical mistakes threw off the flow, but otherwise good.
AARON -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Taking Mauja's kick to his shoulder.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Moving forward to avoid serious damage from Korra's horns.
+ 1| ATTACK: biting for Korra's side is great.
- 1| DEFENSE: pushing back on his hindquarters to avoid the kick. Aaron is considerably bigger than Korra, and his movements would likely be slower than hers. I think you should have had some contact from the kick.
+ 1| ATTACK: ramming at Monster.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow: the fact that he started running toward Ricochet and then changed his mind was really... disorienting from a reader's perspective.
AARON -- Round 4
[Realism]
- 1| Feeling no recoil from running into a horse who is the equivalent of a brick wall.
+ 1| DEFENSE: side stepping away from the sweep of Lucious's head.
- 1| ATTACK: Aaron may only use his fire illusion magic once in battle, according to his restrictions.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
0 | Flow: Rushed
AARON -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
Nothing to defend.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
AARON
[Bonus]
0| Magic Use: one good and one against battle restrictions.
+ 1| Good mention of his character beginning to shift during this battle.
[Injuries]
None of note.
[Creativity]
None of note.
Comments: Aaron grows a lot during this short invasion! His character is growing, and it is good to see how the battle affects his personality. You did great, though I would consider taking more damage (not a lot, but you dodged most of the attacks, which for a big draft is unlikely). Also, be sure to read your battle restrictions!
TOTAL
Aaron - 15
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MIRAGE
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Letting the ice spikes hit her sides was realistic
0| ATTACK: Good attack effort with Ulrik, but powerplay was obvious
+ 1| ATTACK: Attacking Lena along with Ulrik
+ 1| ATTACK: on Cineviam by running at him
+ 1| Clever dragon distraction
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: taking a hit to the barrel instead of the leg
+ 1| DEFENSE: Akaith being a distraction
+ 1| ATTACK : well written attack on Cineviam
+ 1| ATTACK: striking out at Cineviam with a foreleg
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Very nice emotion from Mirage here
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistically took a hoof to the shoulder
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistic and creative response to ash
+ 1| ATTACK: Aiming to strike Cinne with her uninjured leg
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - the intro was beautiful
+ 1| Flow - excellent use of transitions
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: realistically, I believe Mirage could have avoided teh first hit from Cineviam.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Nice description of how his horn would scrape in an irregular shape across his side
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Magic use: attacking as a dragon
+ 1| Mentioning of her breed type against Cinne's
[Injuries]
- 1| Turned out very injured, especially in contrast to Cinne
[Creativity]
+ 1| I liked bulwark style attack of Mirage as a dragon in contrast to her normal timid fighting style as an equine; very good difference
+ 1| "Had she been a dragon, this would not have troubled her so; smoke and ash were a dragon's diet when one blew flame..."
Comments: I would focus on powerplay. Most of your attacks were well written, but the one against Ulrik was pushing the limits. Excellent use of Akaith as a distraction and emotional support.
TOTAL
Challenger - 26
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| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
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VIKRAM
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: Shouldering ice hard without mention of pain seems very unrealistic
+ 1| DEFENSE: Clever way to avoid getting a wing torn by ice
+ 1|Attack: Aim to bite Korra's neck
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read: Your posts are always easy to read, and that is very refreshing
0| Emotion: I felt very little emotion here from Vikram
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: well written withdrawal of the bite attack
+ 1| DEFENSE: rearing to avoid antlers to the neck was realistic given his size
+ 1|DEFENSE: realistically took the antlers to the scales
+ 1| ATTACK: tail swing at Korra
+ 1|ATTACK: tail lash at lucuid and lloyd
+ 1|ATTACK: attempting to careen through Cinne
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - much better emotion from Vikram
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistically took a scrape to the body while avoiding wing
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistic response to the ice magic
+ 1| ATTACK: fire breathing on Cineviam
+ 1| ATTACK: fireball to Mauja
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistically skittered to use and avoid the ice spikes
+ 1| DEFENSE: Trying to get out of range of Deimos
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - Very cute with Mirage
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Firemagic use
+ 1| Excellent use of physical descriptions
[Injuries]
+ 1| Remarkably unscathed
[Creativity]
+ 1| Very easy to read style with consistent, great flow
Comments: Very clear and well written as usual, but not enough emotion for such a chaotic battle.
TOTAL
Challenger - 28
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| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
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JAYDAN - KNOCKED OUT
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
- 1| I am not sure what the purpose of the tree branch breaking was and injuring your character before the fight begins. I would think that a pegasus would be able to fly from a broken branch.
+ 1| ATTACK: diving at Ulrik
+ 1| ATTACK: bucking at Ulrik
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - excellent emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: diving at Deimos
- 1| Even at that speed, couldn't Jaydan snap his wings open to lessen his blow against the ground?
+ 1|ATTACK: flying air buck against Deimos
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
0 | Emotion: Very analytical and well explained, but little if any emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistically taking Mauja's horn to his side
- 1| DEFENSE: Broken wing! Ah! I think that could have been avoided
+ 1| ATTACK: Horn to Mauja's chest
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking at Mauja from side
+ 1| DEFENSE: teeth bared at Deimos
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
Absence
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| You mentioned the Edge's mist! Beautiful!
[Injuries]
- 1| Broken wing/multiple scrapes and bruises
[Creativity]
+ 1| Consistent, lovely style
Comments: I would focus more on making sure that your characters's injuries are realistic, but otherwise I loved the style.
TOTAL
Challenger - 15
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| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
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NED
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: Aimed to pierce Psyche's side
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Drawing Psyche into the woods
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking out after stopping suddenly
+ 1| ATTACK: Head turn to scrape her side
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read - very, very easy to read which was welcomed!
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: taking kick to lower chest instead of in the middle
+ 1| ATTACK: horn to the leg
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Allowing Psyche to run off after piercing her side
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
0| Emotion - not much in the way of his thoughts or feelings on the aftermath of the battle
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Very realistically uninjured
+ 1| Nice use of the forest to aide him
[Creativity]
+ 1| Very consistent, easy to read style.
Comments: I would focus on really connecting to the emotions of your character as well as focusing more on the details of the surroundings.
TOTAL
Challenger - 21
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| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
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MIDAS
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: Biting Lloyd's withers
+ 1| ATTACK: Hooves to Lloyd's haunches
+ 1| DEFENSE: Retreating to the sky quickly
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read - wonderful!
+ 1| Emotion- beautiful post!
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: Dive to knock over Lloyd
+ 1| ATTACK: Teeth to lloyd
+ 1| DEFENSE: Fly away!
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - proof that short, easy to read posts can have quite a bit of emotion!
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Smart way to crash to the ground
+ 1| DEFENSE: Prepared with bared teeth after the magic wore off
+ 1| ATTACK: Biting neck
0| ATTACK: I am not sure how feasible it would be for Midas to kick out right after a bite like that, but you explained it with reason
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: taking to the skies
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 2| Emotion - beautiful
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 2| Using smaller size to his advantage against the larger twins
+ 1| Relatively uninjured
[Injuries]
0| No significant injury
[Creativity]
+ 1| Very easy to read style, wonderful
Comments: Excellent, especially for your first battle! I loved the emotion. My suggestion to increase your scores in the future, especially with a battle like this, is to attack multiple targets.
TOTAL
Challenger - 27
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| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
| Official |
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RISHIMA - KNOCKED OUT
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Uses brother to dodge Riccy's attack
+ 1| ATTACK: Flashing hooves out on her way to another group
+ 1| ATTACK: Shoulder to Lena's hip
+ 1| ATTACK: Bit to Lena's leg
+ 1| ATTACK: Lashing out while rearing against Lena
+ 1| ATTACK: Kali to the goat pony
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read - very, very easy! Wonderful!
+ 2| Emotion - I chuckled hard at the goat pony bit
+ 1| Flow - Wonderful transitions
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
Knocked out
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
Knocked out
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
Knocked out
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
+ 1| Kali attacking Aurelius
[Creativity]
+ 1| Style: Consistent and easy to read
Comments: I wish I could have read more! Everything you described was physically possibly and well detailed with emotion to boot. Wonderful post.
TOTAL
Challenger - 12
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| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
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TARES
CHALLENGER -- Round 2
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Fire wings to Faelene and cut to flank
+ 1| DEFENSE: Run from Descaro
-1| DEFENSE: It seems implausible to me that she would be unable to avoid getting run over
+ 1| DEFENSE: Fire wings against Descaro
+ 1| ATTACK: Buck at Descaro
+ 1| ATTACK: Pheonix to Descaro
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - very good emotion!
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 3
[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Taking to the skies
+ 1| ATTACK: Phoenix to Descaro
+ 1| ATTACK: Crashing onto Descaro's back
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 4
[Realism]
0| DEFENSE: Did not try to avoid Descaro's hit to stifle, but did take an injury
+ 1| ATTACK: Horn to Descaro
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 2| Emotion - excellent emotion!
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: If Tares had tried to escape a hit at all, her ribs would not have broken and punctured through. The sheer force it takes to break and punch rib through would knock her over first.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
CHALLENGER
[Bonus]
- 1| overuse of magic an companion (since Tares' wings are magic, flight counts as a magic use)
[Injuries]
- 2| Broken rib
[Creativity]
+ 1| "His ails extend to a word, one word that I hear among all the chaos of the fray, one word that I realize is a name. Why is he calling to her? "
+ 1| Very consistent and lovely style
Comments: I would really work on your physics of attacks and making sure to pay attention to the magic use. Tares' wings are still magic and count as a magic use when they are used in either a defense or attack. However, your emotion, style and flow in posts was beautiful and refreshing.
TOTAL
Challenger - 19
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QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: QIAN Rubrics
