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QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: QIAN Rubrics

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#10




A z z u e n

AZZUEN -- Round 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Slight friendly fire with Tare's wings. ;)
+ 1| ATTACK: jabbing at Faelene's shoulder with his spear.
+ 1| ATTACK: trying to rear into Faelene
- 2| ATTACK: stabbing at Faelene with the spear. While I appreciate this attack from a tactical standpoint, some of the language leading up to it was very strong and suggestive of powerplay. You worded this attack in such a way that made it seem like Faelene had not moved, boxing her in, essentially.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

AZZUEN -- Round 3

[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: Taking Aurelius's ram to the leg. This occurs during the part where Azzuen is supposedly rearing, and you even mention that he lifts his back leg (had momentary vision of horse standing on one leg). A horse is incredibly unbalanced while rearing, and any attack of his legs should at least knock his forelegs to the ground, if not tip him over completely.
+ 1| DEFENSE: Taking to flight to avoid the horn slice from Lena.
- 1| With Azzuen's back leg being injured, take off would have been slow without the strength to push off the ground and this probably would have been delayed. Is a brilliant strategy, but I would have liked to see him get some cuts on his cannon maybe.
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking at Lena's face
+ 1| ATTACK: Using magic to blind Aurelius.
+ 1| ATTACK: Air-ram down on the blind Aurelius.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

AZZUEN -- Round 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Difficult ascent: Here is the effect of the damage I was looking for.
- 1| ATTACK: Using Azzuen's magic to increase pain in Aurelius. This is a great use of your magic, but you did not follow your Battle Restrictions. It clearly states that you are allowed to effect only one organ or portion of your opponents body, not all nerves in the body.
+ 1| ATTACK: slashing at Aurelius, but not mentioning basic aim/target.
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking at Aurelius as he flies by.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

AZZUEN -- Round 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
- 1| DEFENSE: Taking Aurelius's kick to his leg. "attack of a bucking kick would not have hurt as much as it did, had it been upon his left leg" - Then you switch over to describing the injury ON his left leg. I am fairly sure you meant to put "had it not been upon his left leg", but unfortunately I have to judge upon what here.
+ 1| Exhaustion, emotional turmoil, closing sentiments.

[Prose]
0 | Easy Read: I got really confused when you were talking about his legs and the damage.
+ 1| Emotion
0 | Flow: Rushed.


AZZUEN

[Bonus]
0 | Magic: One good use and one against battle restrictions. Be sure to read them carefully!

[Injuries]
- 1| Back left leg is worse for wear.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Blinding Aurelius to try and make him more apt to hurt teammates was a good attack.

Comments: Azzuen is very alive in this battle, and active. I love it a lot, but you made a lot of mistakes technically. Be very, very cautious not to word you posts to where they even remotely sound like powerplay. Also regard the battle restrictions as law! They are flexible from a creative sense, but certain parts are not. Great fight!

TOTAL
Azzuen - 16





Messages In This Thread
RE: QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: QIAN Rubrics - by Official - 10-05-2012, 01:35 PM

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