He'd not had a personal hand in the promotion of the new leads of the World's Edge, but he'd known the end result at least. Mauja was not a name he recognized, but the memory of Torleik was still familiar inside his head. It had been the first time he and Lace had clashed, the first time he'd ever risen his voice in passion against a herdmate. Ironically it had led to him being promoted to King of the Edge, instead of cast out as he had fully anticipated. In the light of Lace's death, the memory only further depressed him. At first, when Kaj became aware of the fact that he would have to travel to the Edge on business, he'd wondered if Torleik would remember him as well. At least, that was before the Spark God battle, where Torleik had bodily shielded him and called him friend when his leg had been broken. It gave the golden beast hope in his weary heart, that perhaps he could thank the brute for his efforts, repay the debt that seemed to be easily switching between the pair of them. 

It was not easy, returning. He had no companion to help him with the suffering in his heart, and he'd slipped away alone from the Falls with no escort or kin on this particular diplomatic mission. How could he ask that of them, when he knew this was how he would feel? The Aurelight didn't want to be viewed differently, to be seen as weak. His leg injury seemed to always bring that thought to the forefront of his mind, haunting him day and night. Weak, useless, crippled. Kaj pushed on nonetheless. Until the day he was physically or celestially unseated from his position, he would do his damned best to make sure his family was safe and thriving in the Falls. 

There was so much he regretted, though.

He had never wanted to invade the Falls. Kaj wondered if his harrowing fear back then was adequate reasoning behind his actions. He despaired over the fact that he'd been demonized, that the previous Falls residents favored outcasting themselves rather than trying to fit into the herd he and Archibald wanted to build. Nobody had even tried to see his side of it. Did they make the hard decision, in the end? No. They were not the ones who had to be haunted by their choices every night, and yet they happily sat on their cushioned thrones and called him vile for trying to make the right choice. Clearly having a crown meant he was not mortal and fallible like all other beings, and he'd been thrust into the fires carelessly.

The Aurelight tried not to think such things very often, but as he approached the Edge with her achingly familiar towering trees and misted lands...he could not help but wonder where he'd be if he'd not decided to invade the Falls. He ached for his old friends, for simplicity and a herd that thrived and resounded with life and loyalty. Not that the Falls did not, but they were fewer in number than the Edge in full swing had been. Kaj had lived his entire Helovian life in the Edge, and he could feel his heart trying to match back up to the beat of the waves against the bleached cliffs once more. A crying child trying to cling to familiarity. 

Kaj denied it the chance.

He wondered idly if perhaps Archibald should have been the one to go to the Edge. Kaj had strong ties to the Throat, at least, and Archibald a disposition that went against sentimentality. Yet the golden brute knew, as well, that Archibald had to atone for his mistakes against Gaucho before all four leads could exist in harmony once more. And he had wanted to thank Torleik for his efforts on the battlefield.

Calming himself as he stood a few paces from the borders, he adjusted his torso to take weight off his aching and complaining leg, only moderately familiar with the errant bolts of pain that would shoot through the generally numb area of his shoulder. Head tilted in wordless call, throat reverberating with the message he could not bring himself to speak aloud. Nor would it be effective considering the size of the Edge. A size he knew all too well. 

And so he waited for foreign leaders to greet him in a land too familiar, and tried not to drown beneath the memories of a kingdom that had loved him nearly as much as he had loved it in return. 

OOC here

A part of him was bitter, standing outside the regal forest he'd known his entire life. This land was mine. Why do I stand and await judgment? But it was a past he had to lay with, a cold corpse that did nothing to warm his bed at night. Only when his heart was weak and bare did she come to life, fingers like crags to throw himself off of, scraping invisible wounds across his chest. A sordid affair because he'd tried to do his best in the unfair life and hand he'd been dealt. He wanted to scream, wanted to march into the borders and take back what had been his for the majority of his life. What good was his past outside of Helovia, where he'd been naught but a machine? He hungered, primordial desire to reclaim something that should not belong to him any longer. That rightfully should not haunt him.

It did nonetheless.

If there was one thing to speak for Mauja, it was that he did not leave Kaj to his suffering for long. Regal but wounded, they faced one another, like distorted mirrors. In the folds of his inner sanctuary, Kaj smiled, grim and wry with cynicism and defeat. You are no better than me, friend. And finally with an image to put to mind, Kaj remembered. Kahlua's mentioning of a stallion, someone who needed to be put on trial, welcomed once more to the misted lands. And like anything that was tied to Kahlua's memory, Kaj hated. Despised. Agonized over his own injustices, tucked away in the silent but screaming parts of his ribcage where it could not ruin what little preciousness he still had cupped inside his hands. 

They stood, broken remains of proud people, and spoke with far more kindness (though the sincerity of it could be questioned) than they should have been capable. Kaj's smile was weary as it responded naturally to Mauja's words, a light of teasing flickering in pale blue eyes. "If I know anything of ruling, and the current events of the land, I'd say overworked is far more likely," he chuckled softly. Trying to make light a far too grievous event that made him shift unbidden where he stood, limb aching with remembrance. He didn't want to talk about it, not with a stranger at least. His feelings regarding the clashing of the celestials...they were violent and convoluted at best. A twitch in his cheek and the shadows on his face seemed to betray him, and he smoothly changed the subject. It was not something he wanted to dwell on. 

"The same purpose as any other visitor," he confessed. "Though I'm sure your company is more than adequate," was followed with a curl of his lips. Kaj didn't know why he was being so warm, when he felt so hollowed out inside. A reminder of all the wrongs committed, standing before him. In his place. And he a puppet overlooked continually due to Archibald's shadow. Perhaps it simply killed him to admit that even through all the sins Mauja had committed, he was still better than Kaj. "The Falls as a herd want to keep the ties that existed back when you and Torleik were crowned. We offer our services as healers, masons, and soldiers in hopes of fair trade and community." What else was there to say? He felt disgusting, like a beggar waiting on the doorstep of the home he'd been evacuated from. Just when you thought you couldn't fall any lower, Kaj.

I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT A NEO THREAD YO HAVE NO IDEA