i'm tired of hope with nothing to hold

[PRIVATE] i'm tired of hope with nothing to hold

Brisa Posts: 386

Outcast atk: 3.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 7

Mare :: Equine :: 15.4 :: 7 HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE

Hikari :: Common Kitsune :: Fire nickel

10-25-2015, 10:29 PM

It had been a surprise when Kaj had appeared before her requesting her accompaniment which in a way made her heart leap joyfully. The extent of their association had only ever been when she was dealing with a problem or concern but she wished to be so much more than that. Instead of being known as a burden who could not look after herself she wanted to be of use, she wanted to feel as if she could do more than screw up her life. The pegasus with his heart of gold had wormed his way into her heart making her feel things that she had believed dead and gone. All the pain that Note had left her with had seemed impossible to rid her soul of but somehow the golden stallion had managed to take away the harshest edges. Her heart wanted to feel again but she was afraid to let herself open her heart to another after such disastrous results many times before. Was it possible? Was it worth it?

The answer to her King's request had been simple so that was where she found herself, following him along through the trees wondering silently where they were headed. Something about Kaj's attitude had seemed strange and off but out of respect she chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and not push him to tell her what was ailing him so. She cared for the stud more than she likely should but it was a reaction that could not be controlled or denied. It was like a piece of her broken soul lay within his just begging to be uncovered beneath such forbidden territory that she wanted desperately to unearth. Her heart told her to go ahead but it was the negativity from years of disappointment and pain that spoke louder stating she was an idiot to believe she could ever be happy. No one could ever want a creature as broken as she was so what was the point of setting herself up for only more disappointment.

Lifting her eyes as the golden king finally drew to a halt she couldn't help feeling hopeful despite the odds being stacked against her. Listening as words began to flow from his mouth her smile turned into one of confusion as the work monster came into the field. Shaking her head almost immediately in disagreement she managed to hold her tongue to let him finish. The look upon his face was breaking her heart just to gaze upon the self loathing and sadness that he tried so desperately to fight back. Never had she ever seen Kaj like this, never had he seemed so vulnerable and lost. Her immediate response found her stepping forward to close the distance between them and reaching her muzzle out to him. "You are no monster!" She stated firmly refusing to let him argue that point any further. If anyone knew the definition of a monster she would be the one. Monsters were those stallions that had raped her, beat her and left her for dead. Kaj was no where even in that spectrum and it pained her to hear him compare himself to one.

"Grief and pain make even the best of us say things we do not mean, you cannot blame yourself. Please, don't blame yourself." Blue eyes kept focused upon his handsome face the entire time she spoke silently begging him to not give up on himself. The slight tremor that shook through his hide tore at her knowing exactly what it was like to feel so helpless and useless all at the same time. Not wanting to wait for permission she boldly steps forward to press her forehead against his wanting to just comfort him anyway she possibly could. She wanted to take away the pain and the fear and just bear the burden so that he would not have to. "You don't have to feel like you're alone, I already told you I am here should you ever need me. I want to be here for you..." She said softly closing her eyes for a second to take a steadying breath.

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