It was beyond unfair to her that Kaj never seemed to seek her out when he did not need her in some way, but Kaj had already established that he was a monster. Breaking both their hearts didn't seem like much more in the scheme of things, he told himself bitterly as he turned and watched her hopeful eyes and smiling face dim and drop. She didn't deserve the pain he put her through, the constant agony that was her only thing to look forward to, if she decided to walk this path with him. He'd put his heart in the hands of so many only to receive nothing but a bloodied mess, and each time he found himself wondering if the ever-dwindling integrity of the vessel was what made them deny him. Was he not good enough for their affections? But Brisa...he knew he was not good enough for her. It was almost comforting, to not have to worry and wonder about whether he was capable of being good enough, of trying and trying and fighting to make himself better and prove himself. Because he was already too far down for that, and she needed to learn that before she ruined herself on the jagged shores of his heart. 

Even as she defended him, took away the burden laying heavy across his shoulders, he knew she was too good for him. Why Note had ever left her was something he could not understand, and in his primordial jealousy he had vowed long ago that should the two ever cross paths again, he would challenge the once-warrior for his honor and ban him from any land Kaj had power of. He wanted her in the most basic of ways, wanted to own her, have her be his for as long as his soul held tight to the shell of his body. He wanted to make her happy, except...well, he couldn't. So there was no point in trying.

Old eyes turned to her, and he wondered what she saw in him. Young, younger than he. Still so beautiful in her prime, while he stood broken and useless both in body and spirit before her. If he loved her...and what a heavy word it was, to even consider it, but if he did...he'd let her go. 

"You are the only to think so," he said hoarsely, wondering why his insides felt like an empty cavern with decaying leaves that rattled insidiously across his bones. "If it's not that, it's the invasion. Funny how Archibald is spared the hatred, is it not?" And he is bitter for how he is always in someone's shadow, incapable of breaking free and being seen for the efforts he has made. Kaj had dedicated his entire life to the Edge, and the Falls. Where had he gone wrong? Why was he the one demonized, out of everyone? 

And she breaks him from it, his own personal angel, and his eyes close on a stuttered breath as he feels the delicate whorls of hair from her forehead pressing into his own. An embrace no unicorn could ever manage, and he pities them for it, presses closer into her touch and exhales so shakily he's surprised it doesn't dissolve into an outright sob. "I think I love you," he blurts, and suddenly his stomach drops out into his hooves. Gods, what have I done? And he jerks away from her, feeling like a startled and terrified colt all over again. "But you are too good for me. You and Aeolus, you -" and he can't even speak it, can't say how he wishes Aeolus was his, that Brisa had never loved another, that she was his. But she is beautiful and free and he cannot chain her. He cannot bear to see her brought low by him, and so he staggers back forcefully away from her, because he knows that if he doesn't he will crumple beneath her warmth and consistency.