She fell, she hurt, she lived.

And through all the pain of her experiences,

she still had hope.

Patiently awaiting the golden pegasus to speak she couldn't stop her heart from pounding wildly in her chest at the shock of what she had just managed to admit after so long in hiding. Months it had been since she had allowed herself to admit that she did in fact cared deeply about the stallion that had been there for her on so many levels. His devotion to the herd, the love he had for each and everyone of its members, the everlasting loyalty, these where things that could always be counted on. Never once had she doubted in the words that the king spoke yet many many times she had doubted her own thoughts and actions. There was no rule to guide the heart on what it could love and what it should hate yet with Kaj the only rule seemed to be to love him unconditionally. It was beyond her as to why he put up with her on the many occassions but it never stopped him from defying the odds and caring when no one else did. It was a feeling that could not be described in any other word other than astounding.

Over the years of torture, heartbreak, and complete agony there had been numerous times when she had told herself that she could never love another. Never love for the amount of pain sustained had been more than enough to scar her heart beyond repair each time it had been ripped from her chest. Perhaps she was just a pitiful loser that deserved nothing else but no this handsome regal stallion before her had somehow broken through the scars to reveal something new and shiny. It hurt to hear him compare himself to a monster when she knew what real ones looked like. "Perhaps I am the only one to see what real monsters are like. They are those that had raped, beaten and left me for dead on many occassions over the years. They are the reason I had been so broken for so long and the reason I know you are nothing like them." She argued sternly actually confident for once in what she was saying. This was the first she had so openly admitted to her life before Helovia but it was something that she needed him to see. Real life monsters that where in no way even close to the regal king standing beside her. "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks! I know what you are, and a monster is not one of them."

The next part of the conversation shocked the hell out of her as a new realization dawned upon her. I think I love you. Freezing as the words washed over her the world seemed to stop and everything but the two of them remained. It was her dream come true but as suddenly as it happened it faded as more doubt spilled from Kaj's lips. You are too good for me. Anger lashed out at the words and their lack of validity tearing them to shreads in a split second. As Kaj pulls away she finds herself trying to grasp at the tendrils of his mane to stop his retreat. Fire flares up around her scortching away any doubt that she had reserved in the motions giving her a whole new confidence. "No! You cannot say that!" She commented a little harshly feeling moisture spring to her eyes not out of sadness but out of passion. "I am tired of everyone telling me what is best for me when I already know that answer, I have known for months but have never been able to say anything out of fear."

Forcing the fire to simmer down and out before she wound up frying Kaj to a crisp she took a bold step to close the distance between them once more. "Please do not run from me. You may think that I don't deserve you, and maybe I don't for you are the one too good for me. Dammit Kaj! I have loved you since the day I met you and I can think of no one I would rather be with. Aeolus would be the luckiest boy on earth to have you as his father and I the luckiest mare to have the chance to be there with both of you by my side. Please don't make me be alone anymore." She pleaded reaching forward in an attempt to embrace him to help ease her soul. She had bared her soul for the first time in forever now would it come back to bite her or was there hope that this could be more than a dream?

notes;
tag; @Kaj