but somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams

[ Sorry for the wait. :/ Life ate me. ]

I'm SORRY—

But then, he wasn't sorry anymore. He wasn't sorry, because the quiet weight of his charge was met with sound. He wasn't sorry, because the grace and poise required when mourning was absent—gone—snatched away. In the matter of a heartbeat, maybe two, Rohan had robbed him of everything, stripped him of his dignity. He had been reduced to nothing, his grief trampled under their broad hooves, the dirge in his veins silenced by a cry (and he hadn't even hit the bastard yet). Was that all he was to be? Was that all this was to be? His sorrow abused, taken and flaunted and some compassionate offer made, and then—slaughter. Was that all Rohan had seen? A chance to fight? Itching, for the clash of bodies, of bruises and blood and choking on ashes?

He felt cheated of something beautiful, he felt used. It didn't matter how bitter he had been, it didn't matter how his attitude and his words had chafed and torn—it didn't matter because he had pulled himself together, somehow. He had taken what he thought was an offer of comfort, and had it turned back in his face with fangs bared.

He hated the sound of pride. He hated the sound of adrenaline-induced excitement. He hated everything that had to do with an appreciation of violence.

Don't you know this leads to death, and misery, and ruin?

They were killers in disguise, and he was fueling this fire, unintentionally—he had wanted something sacred, something ritualistic, something beautiful and dignified, not.. not this. Not the echo of a triumphant, eager cry ringing in his ears like a death hymn.

It made him angry. It made him furious. All errant sparks striking true, a blue fire flaring up in the depths of his soul, a heat rushing through his veins as his vision darkened. How dare you—

His ears had fled to lie flat against his neck, and then they collided gracelessly; the point of his shoulder slammed into Rohan's breast, the sandy neck cast like a shadow above his own, and for a single moment he could feel the Warlander's pulse against his body, feel the muscles at work in his chest as he kept on sidestepping. Then, there was space between them, Mauja's eyes pressed shut; he could feel Rohan's presence whispering away above his lowered neck, dodging the tip of his horn, but none of it mattered.

He was fighting the rage.

He was fighting the darkness lying just beyond his reach, fighting the urge to shriek, to unleash the flame, the ice, to pound and pound and pound until the Warlander lay broken on the ground—

His shoulder was aching in the darkness, blood vessels crushed beneath his dark skin—and all he could see was Rohan's green eyes lighting up above the body of his dead daughter.

It felt sick and wrong and twisted and he heard the whisper of movement, of grass bending, the sashay of a warrior and the murmur of his tail, and he knew that there was no way out of this. His throat felt too tight, constricted, choked, and he wanted to scream STOP! but all that came out was a snarl. This was not distraction—this was abuse, mockery of all the true death Mauja had caused. Was Rohan this heartless? Was Rohan so callous, so cold and so cruel, that he could enjoy this?

Did he not have any ghosts haunting him, riding on his shoulders, calling out for him to add Mauja to his collection?

So kill me now—

In the smothering darkness he was not sure where the other stallion was, but the sudden pricking of pain dispelled the uncertainty. Mauja's eyes flew open, hind hooves digging into the grass as he threw his forebody left—as if that was going to help. The sharp points of Rohan's antlers gouged into his skin, tearing red streaks over his right shoulder, matching the grin on his breast left by the tiger goddess. It hurt, a sharp, exquisite sensation, a scream going along the nerves—

And in wordless protest, he shrieked out loud, ears flat and eyes angry, wounded, lost—his forehooves came down on the solid ground, dug in with ease as he shifted forward and lashed out, once, with his hind hooves. He didn't care what part of Rohan he hit, he was just angry, and anger was dangerous. Anger was dangerous, because it burned, and in the narrow space between them the eagles came again; two of them, flaming bodies scorching Mauja's skin, leaving black stains along his entire flank as they clawed their way towards Rohan.

They were just too close for Mauja to escape burning as well, and in his muddled swell of anger there was despair.

He hadn't wanted to hurt Rohan.

[ 2/3 || @Rohan || 800 words. ]

man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same

TEACHING NOTES

PROSE: There were no grammatical or spelling errors that stood out to me, nor any tense changes, so that's great! ;D Over all a well-written post! There's two things I'm going to comment on, though:

* Emotion: I tend to talk about posts as either written from a satellite perspective, or from "within". I alternate between them myself, which is not on purpose, but simply because some days I just can't get "into" Mauja, and then it ends up being written sort of like "an observer" (satellite). Satellite posts tend to be a bit more dry, a bit more just like an explanation of events, and less like something that grips you and drowns you in the emotions of the character you are reading. I felt like your post was somewhat of a satellite post- you explain what's going on, you explain some thoughts, some reasoning, you touch upon emotions like the thrill of the battle, but I don't feel it, really. The first two paragraphs were a lot less like this, they were from within Rohan's head, and I got more of a "feel" for him, but once the battle started it's like we stepped out of Rohan's head and just watched him instead. I would've loved to get more of him, maybe some thoughts, maybe more what the pain feels like, how it affects him .. etc. It can be really difficult to get emotion into fight posts - like I said, some days I just can't and do satellite posts too - but if you manage to get emotion into it, it just makes it so much better to read (and write!!). <3

* I couldn't sum this one up with one word. But basically, when I read the post, the last two paragraphs feel a bit .. I don't know, disjointed? I feel like the movements he make - being shoved/sidestepping, and then coming back into attack Mauja, take place at the first part of the first paragraph, and then you kind of drop it until the next paragraph, where you've spoken about tactics in between but sort of pick up where you left off. It creates the illusion of more time having passed in the fight than it was, and this line "Brown nostrils flare wide and jaws part in his wheezy gasps, but Rohan pushes forward." has me uncertain of whether it is simply stating that Rohan keeps fighting through his awkward breathing, or if he is actually moving forward? Overall, I felt it was a bit confusing and like it lacked a red thread; maybe it would've been better to condense the movements into a single paragraph, and simply work the reasoning/breathing into it differently? Something like:

"Brown nostrils flare wide and jaws part in his wheezy gasps, but Rohan pushes forward. Gritting his jaw, muscles coil as Rohan shoves his hooves into the solid ground, dirt spraying and his body jolting when his motion is suddenly redirected. Perhaps a more experienced warrior would circle Mauja in order to recover, but the Warlander knows no such tactics—only the push and pull of his muscles, the dull throbbing of his shoulder, and the reckless determination that drives him ever onward. So he curls his body around in a sharp arc, his neck turns to face the same direction as Mauja, head twisted and thrust upwards in an attempt to pierce Mauja’s right side with his antlers."

Obviously it doesn't work flawlessly with these sentences, as they were crafted for a different order, but to me this makes more sense- you don't break the movement up too much with other stuff in between. This way, we get the movement tied together in a different way- I don't have to think "wait, his motion is redirected- from what???", I have it much closer to hand.

I feel like this was a lot of sentences trying to explain something I only understand abstractly, and I hope it made some kind of sense to you- if it didn't, just let me know and I'll try to explain it further/differently. <3

tl;dr - Great job avoiding grammar/spelling/tense errors! If you can, try to get the posts written a bit more from Rohan's perspective, as it adds more 'oomf' to a post. :D

DICE ROLL/DAMAGE: For the dice roll, Mauja rolled a 1, but he's also strong (dmg of 7.5) so MAYBE having the air shoved out of his lungs is okay, and maybe it is a bit too much for a roll of 1? Considering his attack couldn't have done a whole lot of else even if he had rolled 6 for damage. So I'm leaning towards saying you took a bit too much "damage" from it.

And then we have the whole clash.. they were facing each other head on, Mauja with his head low and to the left (Rohan's right), leading with the point of his right shoulder. If Rohan attempts to side-step right, it'll only put him more in Mauja's path as his neck is bent that way, so it seems an illogical choice to me- thus I am not sure if you actually meant to go left? It also means that once we collide, you'll be getting most of Mauja's neck underneath your own, which has the added risk of Mauja's horn passing below your throat once you keep on sidestepping to the right. Fortunately, he was a nice pony today and didn't try to stab ;) If you instead had gone further left, maybe the collision would've been on the right side of Rohan's breast, meaning Mauja's neck would've been harmlessly away from Rohan. Just food for thought. I usually use my hands to figure this out, moving them like the ponies and sticking e.g. my thumbs/little fingers out to mark sides. xP

ATTACK: I'm actually not at all sure how Rohan moved here. What I THINK it means is that Rohan kept moving forward, so he would be flank-to-flank with Mauja, and then curled inwards, so they would be side-by-side and facing the same direction. Since Rohan moved right (further to Mauja's left), and if he then turned, he would be on Mauja's left side, not right. On the other hand, the directions on how Rohan moved weren't super clear, so I might be totally wrong about what you did. :D But this is my interpretation. I just solved it by having Mauja close his eyes so Rohan could show up where he wanted, so I went with Mauja's right side.

It's not a bad attack- using the horns to gouge seems a standard, logical attack of choice for a unicorn with antlers! It's just how he got there that was a bit confusing. It's difficult to find a balance between writing too many directions and too few, you kind of have to try your way forward until you find a happy medium. :)