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11-25-2015, 01:00 AM
i gave up on myself a long time ago
i am the definition of a disease, a plague carrying the stench of infection and neglect. i have been told (by samiera) that my smell could down an entire herd, my terrible hygiene giving way to infection in my recent wounds. the two stab wounds pierce my left breast, the two entry wounds obvious and tainted in a sick colour. they leak various discoloured liquids, proving my medical care (which was really just frantically licking it until i thought it stopped bleeding) useless. i felt queasy concentrating on the feeling of my flesh being eaten away by all the bacteria i'd let spread to it, and the need for a distraction became an excuse to bite my lip and gnaw at my leg.
this contact, this first contact was what i needed to finally realize how lost i had been. i'd distanced myself from others for so long, to the point where even this brief touch sends shivers down my spine and my brain into overdrive. i release a breathe i hadn't even recognized i'd been holding, my chest heaving with the threat of an oncoming anxiety attack.
was this even Sia beneath my lips? what if in fact the flesh, blood and bone beneath me was nothing but a figment of some sick trick? perhaps it's all in my head, and what i'm feeling now is nothing more than my mind's desperate attempt to comfort me and prevent itself from falling apart. i can feel myself drifting into that cloud of lies, letting it fog up my head and leave me floating on a fantasy.
Sia's voice is a reality check, pulling me free from the lies i'd begun to slip into. my eyes flicker, threatening tears at the sound of her voice. it's like music to my ears, after having not heard it for so long it comes to me like a beautiful fucking melody that i've gotten stuck in my head and i'd like it to stay there. i have to take a few raspy breathes to keep myself tethered to this reality, taking in Sia's all so familiar scent before i can finally accept that this is her. she's here, with me.
"Sikeax," in this rare, quiet moment, the voices have died down. it's like they're all holding their breathes in wait for what my next words will be. i accept this unseen audience, their light, utterly silent whispers giving me the urge to continue. "I've missed you too." i mutter, the words coming to my lips almost too quickly. but i mean it, i missed her all too much. how i didn't realize it until now i do not know, but seeing and feeling her here with me is enough to make me understand that the emptiness i'd been feeling for so long was because she hadn't been there with me.
"What are you doing?" i ask, leaning into the embrace from the taller mare with worry lacing my words. you don't just wander out here alone without purpose, without reason. you don't stare into the depths of the ocean without curiosity in your eyes and death on your mind. you don't tempt fate like this unless you mean it, and the thought of anything happening to Sia brings me to my knees. the thought of her laugh and her smile being eagerly swept away by the carnivorous waves beneath us makes my stomach twist and churn.
@Sikeax
