Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

I’d never imagined something so mysteriously beautiful in all my life, but then again I’d never quite been acquainted with the idea of islands or the sight of them poised so elegantly against the faded horizon. Mist hung around the sloping bellies of high-peaked mountains and weaved between the thickened trunks of low-hanging trees that appeared almost foreign to me. The reef teamed with life, accommodating unnamed fish and creatures just as bright as the coral itself, and cast vibrant shades of pink and red across the surface of the impeccably blue tide. I watched quietly as the violent winds warped through the islets, causing the mists to bend and sway against their current, and tipped my nostrils toward the gusts in order to inhale the brackish scent of the frothy sea. This was a place I knew I’d enjoy for months to come and I welcomed the tropical heat over the thinning warmth of an autumn breeze.

After I’d picked my way across shallow pools and slid across the shoals toward the mountainsides beyond, I turned a curious gaze into the mists. They peered back at me with wonder and I smiled, happy to reminisce my days in the Edge and how I’d spent so many mornings chasing the clouds. I’d been too young and naive back then to worry about getting lost among the trees or missing a step that could send me flying into the heavens beyond. That was certainly a part of myself that I’d begun to covet and one that I wasn’t sure I could ever restore.

A flash of gold alerted me of Romul when he finally rejoined me after scouting the path ahead. He appeared jovial and somewhat childish with strings of ocean water trailing from his neck and snout. He’d certainly done some exploring, though none of the protective nature as he was so wont to do. Eager to join in his play, I tipped a slate grey, front hoof into a small puddle of stagnant water that had browned in the heat. A moment later, I sent the spray flying toward Romul, who lunged to the left and avoided my childish attempts to upset the great white wolf. He returned my antics with a vicious grin and then darted off into the mists hoping I would follow. Sadly, I’d engaged in such games far too many times to know that following meant a good yank on the tail, or perhaps a sharp nip to the heels, and instead let my companion wait foolishly for an outcome that was non-existent. Surely he’d remember the last time I’d left him for hours on end while I napped beneath the rays of a summer sun.

Since I’d returned to the Dragon’s Throat, I’d embraced my previous roles as “spy” and was more than happy to have Ghost back at the helm. She’d mentioned the great rifts and the creatures that had emerged from them, but I couldn’t imagine a creature too outlandish lurking in the dark corners of Helovia. Of course, maybe it was a situation I’d have to see to believe… and maybe that was a situation I’d have to take care of when at last it finally presented itself. I had far too little information to be of use to my former home and since I was lacking so much knowledge I had to see those gaps filled. However, Ghost had also mentioned the formation of new lands and with the Riptide Isles just east of the Throat, I began my investigation of the new realms of Helovia. 

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

The sands exhaled beneath him as he approached, and had I only my sense of awareness to rely on, I may not have noticed. The roar of the waves and the constant thrum of their refrain only served to deafen and elude me of callers. However, I detected no ill wishes from the stallion advancing across the dunes and instead greeted him with a half-smile. He was similar in build to that of my father, a foreboding titan even, but his eyes were kind enough (though appearances were so often misleading). However, the great antlers perched atop his skull were somewhat distracting and I watched them as he neared, imagining how many eyes were turned toward the large leviathan when he wandered.

Even at a distance I could not identify the telltale signs of herd life upon his skin, but only the scent of the briny sea. It was no mystery as to why Romul chose to return to my side after I’d warned him of the stallion’s arrival, and when he did, he came with as little grace and patience as possible. The wolf had grown up beneath my own wing, whereupon he’d learned more than one bad behavior. Instead of greeting the stranger with the kind of respect and curiosity native to my own disposition, Romul returned with teeth bared, sporting a silent snarl that was never destined to pass his lips.

When at last the titan was close enough to speak, or at least close enough for me to hear, he proffered a somewhat dissatisfactory nod. If I’d been treading on stolen lands, I certainly wasn’t aware, but his presence felt more obligatory than voluntary. “It could have been. Did we startle you?” I questioned with an amused smile. As an afterthought, I rumbled softly at my wolf until he was finally coaxed into relaxing at my haunches. Even as I watched him, a predator tamed to heel, I spoke softly to the stallion in hopes that he wouldn’t take Romul’s behavior to heart. “He’s not good with strangers… As a matter of fact, I can’t say that either of us are,” I stated before finally returning my pale gaze to the titan.

Now that he was before me, I noticed the outstanding green of his eyes and, upon further thought, the heavy lilt of his accent. It had certainly taken me a moment to recognize the sharp tones, but they were undoubtedly there. “What brings you to the sea?” I questioned without hesitation or any real interest. After all, he had been the one to bring us together, it was only right that I gripped him close. Perhaps there was something I could learn from him, some tidbit of information that might be able to help me in future days.

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

He was a fortress, a wall in which I intended to fell, but only after working against the cracks in his fortitude- a way into his steadfast resolve. I watched patiently as he regarded the wolf at my side, his evergreen eyes flitting from Romul, then back to me. I wondered what worried him so… A brute of his size would be more than a match for Romul- the wolf was without a pack after all if one were to exclude myself. But of course, this titan would not be the first nor the last to cringe at the sight of my companion, despite my ability to handle his jaws even better than the wolf himself. I suppose it all boiled down to another’s willingness to let me lead where I felt necessary.

However, the stallion was smart if he was not overly personable. Instead of approaching me as I would have thought, he remained at a distance- a tactic that I’d grown too familiar with over the years. I acknowledged his clever appeals with a softer, more genuine smile, one less meant to grate his nerves as I was so wont to do. I’d attempted to apologize after all, surely that meant something… even to him.

As we neared an impasse of sorts, both of us wondering whether or not to welcome the other, he finally allowed an answer for my curiosities. It was nothing out of the ordinary as I was hoping it would be, but it was certainly something. Then, without any more interest than I’d claimed in the first place, he posed a question of his own. If we’d been ships in passing, we would have greeted one another with a blowing of our horns before sailing away into the sunset. I guess not everyone found my company to be as compelling as the many intriguing personality’s I’d met over the past few weeks.

“I guess I came to look at the sea… It’s been a favorite pastime of mine recently,” I stated truthfully and without malice. “Brings back memories…”

Of course it did… and of course I’d never tried to hide that fact. Whether or not I ever shared those memories was a separate act altogether, but I’d grown to be an honest woman, an honest friend, and an honest leader to those who would have me. I had no reason to lie. “Do you have somewhere like that?” I questioned more fervently, certainly more intrigued by the direction of conversation than I’d been before. “I mean, is there somewhere close to your heart that is somehow greater than the rest?”

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

If we’d been built barriers, I’d like to think we’d be made of stone. It’s a sturdy force to be reckoned with, but not entirely invincible. The weather could erode it, hammers could chip away at it, and water could press through the cracks, but if we repaired ourselves accordingly, nothing could get inside. If that’s what we were and if that’s how we operated, what good did it do us to speak and to think and to live? What good was this life without feeling? At times I told myself I didn’t feel at all… at least after so much hurt and a past riddled in turmoil. But that wasn’t what had shaped the man before me, or at least I could only estimate as much. After all, each of us had a story and a book of memories that somehow directed our narratives, but why were we suddenly so comfortable letting our hurts or even our victories decide how we lived?

Those were all thoughts that distracted me as I turned away from the stallion to face the sea. We were not similar by any means, but somehow kindred spirits. We both had walls, both had mysteries, and even secrets that the other would never know. Perhaps it was the anonymity that kept us at bay with our thoughts, only contented with the company of others when they didn’t pose questions too serious or too close. I hadn’t always lived that way and I certainly hadn’t expected to become so reserved, but that was the influence of tragedy whenever it reared its ugly head. That was the influence of life.

I stirred slightly when he spoke, his accent still falling harshly on my unaccustomed ears. When he answered me though, I sensed something softer, something more genuine. If I’d struck a chord somewhere just beneath the surface, then I hoped it stayed… If not, then I’d have to dig a little deeper.

“I can’t say that I’m the same… I often visit too much. It’s the cruelest kind of self-inflicted torture I’ve ever experienced,” I countered without reservation. He didn’t need to know my story or why I’d come, but now he held empty information to carry about until (if at all) we met again. But what did it matter that I’d shared something so personal about myself? In the grand scheme of things, he still knew nothing… only that a girl visited the beach where painful memories came to light.

It didn’t matter to him.

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

Time passed slowly as we talked, the sands sifting through the time glass one mere grain at a time. How was it that some days passed so quickly while others chose to halt midday, crawling slowly by until nightfall seemed almost a reprieve?

The Riptide Isles were a gift from the Gods or perhaps just a gift from the rift from whence they came. They were beautiful and exotic and far more than I could have ever hoped for. They had become a place that didn’t necessarily fit into the framework of Helovia… somewhat like me. I turned one pale eye toward the vast, unexplored range beyond and wondered what mysteries lurked behind the stone ruins and within the dark caves. I’d come looking to find out, but was instead deterred from my mindless wandering. I hadn’t a clue what the stallion called himself -what others called him- but I imagined he had a fitting name, something strong like him.

He appeared to mull over my new course of conversation and I was lead to believe that he was intelligent, or at least marginally so. His eyes told stories that his words could not, but I was not equipped to decipher their code and instead let those sleepless tales lie. Not everyone could express their hearts and souls to strangers as I was wont to do. It was that sudden lack of caring that often forced me into a prison that I’d built myself- one where I knew that I would one day face my fears.

Until then, I was determined to speak aloud all the things that I’d formerly let consume me. I was tired of losing wars against myself. I was tired of fighting.  

As if by clockwork, just when I was close to allowing my thoughts to eat me alive, the stallion posed a question that I hadn’t been expecting… not from him. I dared to ponder whether or not his attentions had truly been piqued or if I’d simply given him a piece of thread to tie. “I like to remember how I came to be this way- something like a reminder to keep pushing when I feel I can’t any longer,” I told him quietly, unreserved. “Many of us have lived through trying times… I guess I just like to remind myself of where I’ve been and where I’m going before I get lost again.”

How many times had I given up control? There’d been too many to count now and yet I found myself wanting to reconcile those evils and pave my way toward something bright and everlasting. I watched the stallion’s face as I entrusted him with such heavy thoughts and ideas, still wondering what kept him here with me. I assumed everyone had hurts.  It was soothing to hear of them because it erased our own ceaseless agony for a time… to know that we weren’t entirely alone.

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

I felt as though I were pressing words into a page and hoping they would change the fates. However, the page was only parchment and that parchment appeared so very old. Magic could do little to change the course of our destiny, even if I so desired it.

Watching Grimalkin was similar to watching the waves that beat upon the shore. He was so impassive, an unopened book that promised vivid tales never to be read. I wanted more, wanted to him to engage in something as cathartic as simply releasing the words needed to crack his spine. But nothing ever came and my hopes were quickly dwindling. He was a man of very specific material- a man shaded in the finest of black and white. I on the other hand felt bursting with too much color, too many reds and blue to be considered trustworthy, but too vibrant to look away. Before him I felt scattered and unkempt while he maintained a fortress made of steel.

Instead of wondering what he stories he kept inside, I mused elsewhere, suddenly certain that nothing I said would fall upon him with any real importance. Sometimes, that’s how these conversations went… sometimes there was nothing to see, but rather a void too large to be considered human. Even as the tide continued to roll, I was captivated by the thought of what it might feel like to be so… hard. The way he spoke, the way he regarded me, and even the way he looked reminded me of a sentry. He stood tall so that others could not pull from him his emotions, but if that was the case, then where did they go? Did they simply not exist? I could recall the times I wished to be as unfeeling and yet could not maintain such a façade. For a moment, I begged for his determination and strength… I begged to be so casual when the world was all too real.

”Does it hurt every time you revisit those times?”

If we’d been dueling, two blades aimed at one another, I would have lost. I would have danced around him countless times until there was nothing left of me but the undying breath of a woman with too much pride. He’d merely have to hold his sword out toward me before I threw myself willingly against the silver. But, I couldn’t allow myself to become ashamed of the words I shared. They were but sentences after all… sentences that added up to the sum of my life and somehow found their way to the beaches and the forests until they were nothing but whispers of fiction that never truly existed. “No, not always,” I answered whimsically. It was then that I realized the good that was so often overshadowed by the bad. I remembered meeting Midas, remembered joining the Falls, remembered the conversations I’d shared with Ulrik... those times had been good to me. “I suppose I can’t grieve forever, hm?” No one could live in misery forever, no matter how determined.