ashamin

lochan

&rakt

Everything happened very quickly, then. He swallowed the bitter pill of anxiety, stared out into the dark beyond the cave and watched helplessly as his one chance of not talking about whatever this was left the cave. Ashamin wanted to follow Frost Fyre, to fill the night with idle chatter about anything but this. With Rexanna came weight, came heavy responsibility and reminders of the past. There were things the haruspex had done, there were things he had seen and mares he had touched, felt, loved, no wait, just one, it was her, Rexanna, just her.

He had loved her. In some way that Ashamin hadn't expected, he'd found love in one night with Rexanna. She had, for a moment, maybe been his thief. But she wasn't any longer. Even now as he stood watching her, even now with the eyes of his companions watching her too, Ashamin knew that.

She was talking. She was saying words, eyes cast down then up then looking into his. She was trying to tell him something but all he was thinking of was the fact that she was gone, she was slipping away, what they had would never come back to him and maybe it shouldn't, maybe that was better.

Maybe he would be better off alone. Maybe he didn't need her, maybe they would look at each other and turn away and walk and then miles and miles would fill the space between them. Their connection would become a broken tether, harsh winds would billow through what was left of who they had been as a pair and he would be alone again.

No. In all his fearful dreaming, he had lost sight of what she was really saying. Blood red splashed in his mind and he turned sharply to see Rakt watching him with cold, gold eyes. Ashamin's ears turned forward as she asked him to stay by her side, insisted she couldn't be alone.

But didn't he need to be alone? Hadn't he been alone so long, hadn't he survived like that in the cold long Frostfall of his father's death?

No. A faint black painting appeared in his mind, Lochan's insistence paired with white unblinking eyes. Move closer, the look said. Be there for her. She's going to tell you something important, you're going to need to listen.

So Ashamin stepped closer as the last words slipped from her lips, and he knew with a shock that his whole world would change forever. She was carrying his child. She was going to be a mother. He was going to be a father.

Of course.

"Rexanna..." he whispered, his nose seeking out the velvet of her tulip ears, "...I..."

They were going to do this together. It was stupid to ask if she was sure, if it was really true. His companions' steady gazes told him that, her instinct told her that, and he wasn't going to hold any doubt. He believed it. As the tears welled in his eyes, as the hope of a child rose in his heart, he believed everything. Perhaps the fear would come later, the doubt would return in time, but right then he didn't care. Rexanna was before him, and he needed to speak.

"I would never leave you. Never before, and never after this. You're my friend, you're my..." he searched for the word, pulling his face away as he realized that she wasn't in any way belonging to him, and exhaled with joy. "I'm going to be your partner in this. And nothing has ever made me happier than this chance to raise a child with one of the kindest mares I've ever known." But did he love her like the world would want him to? Did he expect her to ever be more than a friend? Was she his?

No. She didn't need to be.

""