i missed your skin when you were east

I instantly melted at his touch, I felt the world begin to disappear around us even further than it had previously been. All the ache and pain I felt in my heart when it came to him seemed to disappear, but was replaced with a small change of regret in knowing that I had this child that I carried with me. I figured when that news came out, all chances of us ever being together were over. I had assumed he moved on with the child from that gray mare from the Edge, so perhaps we were truly destined to live without one another. After all, it’s possible to have multiple soulmates, even if they aren’t lifelong. I figured that’s what we were. Soulmates to teach us that we could move on from our previous lives, changing each other, molding each other, growing with each other.

But it couldn’t last. I wanted it to, but things were changing so rapidly that I barely had time to figure things out in my own life, let alone worry about how a relationship would work between the two of us. Herds away, miles, terrain, too far for anything to really come of it. And I knew deep down that neither of us were willing to give up the things we strived for, the positions we held, just to be hopelessly in love with one another.

His voice filled my ears as his touch felt like gentle butterflies landing on my pelt. I realized I had closed my eyes beneath his touch, only to open them to find the elephant stallion’s head tilted briefly, questioning me on what my actual rank was. That’s when I realized I hadn’t even told him anything of my life here in Helovia, and yet I seemed to know everything of his. Though as he finished, I noticed the stutter, blinking at him almost numbly, uncontrolled, smile faltering slightly but nodding to him and doing my best to not let it affect me. “I don’t think I have either. I’m the lead Thief now.” My voice chimed to him as I studied his face, blue eyes staring in the curiosity of what his reaction would be. To learn that such a noble man had fallen in love with a spy.

At this point his head dropped toward mine, telling me that he was now the King of the Edge. Now I knew that there would be no hope of either of us giving up what we had. Especially him. He was the King, the leader of an entire herd. Who would give that up for such a stupid thing as love? I was too proud of getting promoted to being the first hand woman to the leads in the Basin, that I watched him mindlessly, heart shattering in knowing that we’d never become anything unless either of us gave something up. We were both too stubborn and proud to give something like this up for each other, regardless of how badly I wanted to. The feeling of the foal within my barely showing barrel reminded me of the heartbreak of it possibly never working out after all.

His eyes grew heavy and dark with a weight that we both felt and expressed beneath the bells and whistles of the Giving Tree. My eyes dulling as well, losing their spark, losing their shine. I felt my soul losing them also, but maybe this is what we both needed. Closure. An official end to move on. If only it was as easy as it sounded.

‘Rexanna, I…’

“No.” I interjected, eyes growing stern as I studied the King’s face. “I’m sorry.” (for being a slut, for breaking your heart, for making you do things you didn’t want to do, for my existence. “We’ve both done things we regret, it’s what makes us – well, us. It’s something we can either take or leave. Whatever weight the Universe threw at us to be together has no matter in this.” My voice held a more strict tone to it, but my eyes softened toward the end of my speech, ears flittering to him. “Take it as you will.”