What else did he block? It was the foremost thought in his head since his encounter with Brisa at the beach, a deep foreboding scowl creasing across his pale mouth. That his life had been turned so thoroughly upside down was...bothersome. It irked him, that he was left at a distinct disadvantage when it came to interacting with others. How could he determine whether he had forgotten them or not? Some still lingered indistinctly in his head, too prominent in his life to forget them completely, but whenever he pressed upon the memories it felt like gauze and an old ache of nothingness. A mild tell, but not one he felt comfortable relying upon. Still...Kaj did not want to return to Miykael and ask for the memories to be unblocked. He would not be Other Kaj, and it felt like some sort of cruel suicide. He already referred to them as separate people, and he knew that it would essentially be killing off himself just to return to that weakened, pathetic state. Kaj was far too selfish to do something like that. 

Other Kaj had destroyed nearly every relationship he'd put his fumbling hands on, but there was a singular soul that had weathered the idiot's storm consistently. Kaj held a deep fondness for her, a possessive sort of attachment that had been unleashed without the burden of excessive emotions. She was his in every way that mattered, and so there was no question as to who he would seek out for advice regarding Other Kaj's decisions and his own sparse feelings regarding the topic. 

Resplendence.

The mare was almost certain to be found in the prison cell she'd adapted into a healer's hut. He would have to fix that, as he would make sure that it was available for any prisoners they obtained in the future. Resplendence was too soft to be subjected to that kind of cruelty, and he'd not have her tainted by the proximity. He also did not want her using up the space, not when Other Kaj was so hesitant to use it even after Drom had challenged them. Still, for the time being, it was useful. It meant he knew where to find her.

The journey had been a long one, though he had not spared any moment than absolutely necessary. He needed Resplendence, and Kaj was not in the habit of denying himself the things he wanted. Much less the things he felt he needed. That was something Other Kaj would have tortured himself with, but Kaj? No, he would take what he wanted when he wanted it so long as he had the power to do so. Self fulfillment was nothing to be ashamed of after all. 

It was dark by the time he arrived, a soft flutter of wings, grass bowing beneath the force of the wind he manipulated in order to slow his descent. The Czar strode past the fabric into her den, eyes adjusting to the darkness and the shadows to find her frame within. They still slept together, and he knew she would not be disturbed or frightened by his arrival tonight. "Resplendence," he murmured gruffly as he approached. Slipped a wing across her and pulled her to him, familiar and natural, dropping his head to breath in her scent from her crest and her mane. "I blocked my memories of multiple people and events. I cannot remember many things. Brisa said that I confessed my love to her, after I saved her from drowning. What do I do?" It was very to the point, no time wasted, and he wondered how Resplendence would react, if only from a scientific kind of curiosity. 

@Resplendence 

Sharp cerulean eyes flickered over the reptilian figure almost dismissively, already knowing the creature would move beneath his might. Resplendence did not sleep well alone, and it was the prerogative of a companion to meet the needs of its bonded. Or so Kaj understood it. True to form, though clearly disgruntled, Valiance swept away and allowed Kaj his customary spot beside and around the brindled mare. He casts his attention away from Valiance dismissively, instead peering down at the blearily blinking golden eyes he sought. It was clear Resplendence was not firmly within the world of the waking, Morpheus still singing sweetly in ears that he demanded for himself. He would not be denied her attention, and he rustled his wing against her, feathers intent on tickling her flank and underbelly to coerce her into paying attention to him. His greed could be as intricate as it could be shallow, and he was like a child demanding its mother's attention, trying to coax her from sleep to hear his dilemma. 

Her exhaustion was meaningful, for Kaj was not heartless even in his selfish and unbound state. She was one of the few to inspire such emotions like regret and apology, but he could not allow her to slumber even as her words slurred and her breast sighed with deep breaths that tried to lull her back to dreams and away from him. Kaj could not allow that. "Yes," he said quickly if only to give her something to focus on, his wing rubbing and coaxing instead of tickling, beginning to grow exasperated with his beloved medic. He wanted her to listen to him. He was spoiled by her affections and attentions, and with no boundaries to speak of, he did not have the patience to wait for the next morning for her benefit. Though he at least stopped to think about it, if only because she did mean more to him than normal. 

"I requested Miykael to block them." As if that made any difference, but perhaps Resplendence would take more interest in the subject if she knew that her co-medic had been the one to enact such a thing. "I did explain, but she was quite...emotional." His voice slowed on the word, a mixture of befuddlement, exasperation and disgust. Not recalling his emotional attachment to her, it had merely struck him as...messy. Those emotions were so flawed and distracting, but he had summoned a great deal of guilt for making her feel so badly. She was his friend after all. But that only irritated Kaj further, for he did not like feeling guilty.

For a moment she distracts him, small body pressing closer, easily sheltered by his massive frame. Kaj dropped his muzzle to the curve between nose and cheek, a gentle and deeply affectionate gesture. But her words simply could not do. "Resplendence," Kaj whined cajoled, nose bumping and nudging instead of stroking to try and wake her up. "What if this becomes a permanent thing? It will be so tedious. Did I truly love Brisa? I do not recall the emotion. Do you think I could remember an emotion but not a memory? Res? Res what do you think?" Shook her gently beneath the barrage of his questions, glinting blue eyes peering down at her like a giant child. "I do not know if I can love her like this. I am not Other Kaj. We are not the same, and I may not desire the same things he did."

For a moment he froze, knowing that Resplendence as well had not seen the differences between he and Other Kaj until now. Fear sank into his heart and his grip grew increasingly tighter on her. "Can you still love me when I am not him?" His frame began to tremble minutely, wing tight and clasping all the way beneath her belly, an instinctive assurance that he would keep her from running. Possessive, childishly greedy. She could not run. She had to stay.

Resplendence

She truly was like an exasperated mother, thin gold slits peering up at him almost balefully. Kaj merely stared back at her, eager and demanding. She held the answers that he so sought, for he trusted no others to be his moral compass, his emotional tie to the world. Resplendence had unwittingly become his Jiminy Cricket. If he were not so intent on squeezing her into consciousness, perhaps he would find a kind of enjoyment in that. Amusement if nothing else. Where Other Kaj had been tormented by his own morality, Kaj was now so free of it that he relied upon an entirely independent entity to guide his emotionally-derived actions. An ironic twist of fate, he thought gleefully.

But still there were more important matters at hand, like trying to figure out why Resplendence's first words were so disconcerting. Why indeed did he find Brisa's display insulting and irritating, but he was not so disgusted by Resplendence? He stared hard into the darkness, light provided only by Resplendence's glowing dust. Was she a more fitting Tinker Bell then? "You do not annoy me," he stated plainly, brow furrowing in concentration, trying to pick apart the differences. "I know you better than Brisa. Her outburst seemed both unsightly and disrespectful at the time. I know you deeply, any disrespect from you would go unpunished, and I know you are strong beneath your emotions." Was that an appropriate answer? I know you better so I wouldn't kick your ass for snivelling?

"It is not permanent," he corrected swiftly, with a cool nonchalance, an apathy that spoke of his lack of desire to release those bound memories. Whether she questioned him on it was to be determined, but Kaj did not value wasted breath like Other Kaj did and so did not share his thoughts freely on the matter. Tilting his head he thought back to Brisa, feeling around the cottony thick edges of the memories he'd blocked of her. Trying to find an emotion tied to it. "I cannot remember any of the events that transpired that may have influenced and changed my emotions for her, so I cannot feel or recall the emotion itself." Yes, that was the truthful answer. He felt rather sure of it. 

Kaj dips his head idly when she burrows against his chest, finally relaxing his wing almost as an afterthought. He cuddles her close, though he blinks against the glow of her tresses, a familiar if invasive thing. "Should I try and fall back in love with her, if I do not love her right now? Or is that lying to the pair of us?"

Resplendence