I heard him before he had even landed, before his voice danced with my name. The blue eyes opened, as his form rather furiously flew, and a sense of wonder flushed through me. What was it like to fly? To fly away from the world and all its issues? To fly away from my problems. My eyes slipped closed as I tried to imagine the feeling of flying. The closest I could get was to imagine the feeling my heart made when excited, when full of something, when it was jumping out of my throat, or so full of anticipation that it could simply explode. That the only way to release it was to release the burst of excitement in noise, or movement.
I don't respond when he says my name, or when I feel the ground shiver under his weight landing and practically falling on it. I tried to recapture that idea of what flying was like, before I finally responded to the draped wing and the soft muzzle traveling my shoulder.
The blue eyes fluttered open, long black lashes draped over them, as I looked at the ground. Slowly my head turned and my eyes shifted to look at the dark stallion who held me, caressed my depressed corpse, and all the while managed to still look like I made him feel the way he did on the steppe. A stranger, high on the drug of bliss, of lust. Euphoric, was the feeling. Euphoric was the memory. My muzzle reached back and touched his bare forehead, as my eyes shifted shut again. I just breathed him in. His sweet smell. His unique scent that sent shivers down my spine. His very own cologne, musk... whatever you wished it to be. But it was entirely him, his own. Rhoa.
I let my muzzle drop slowly, letting it rest instead on the inky wing draped over my side, careful to not tweak the feathers, not to pull them. I was tired, and he made me want to curl up against him and fall asleep. But I couldn't. At some point I would have to break the silence. This moment would pop like a bubble, and I would speak. I had to.
"I'm sorry I told you like that... It was selfish... But... I ... " I tried taking a deep breath, but I just wanted to cry, and the lump in my throat suddenly appeared again, so I couldn't possibly breath. "I just saw you, standing there, and I had been thinking about you, and suddenly I couldn't keep it in any more. " My eyes betrayed me, and the tears drizzled down my cheeks, and I turned my face away. Ashamed.
I wasn't strong anymore. All my life I could do it, and suddenly I just couldn't fucking deal. I couldn't be strong like my father always seemed, or even fight like my mother always had. But maybe it was because she had fought for me since my birth, for my right to be alive.
And suddenly I just wished he would leave. He couldn't see this, I wasn't strong here. I was weak, falling apart, heart bleeding on my sleeve. And he could see it all. He could judge every ounce of flesh, he could hate me for my weakness. And the thought killed me. He could judge us, and hate us, my child and I.
But he couldn't could he? He wouldn't be here unless he cared. But maybe he cared, and yet resented my child... Our child. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, before trying to start over. Start from the bottom. "I'm sorry. I am just so scared Rhoa... I am still a child myself, and now I'm going to be having one, and I don't know if I can do it. What if... What if he's not alive when he comes out? It would kill me Rhoa. Because I am so scared, but I love him. So much. I have never loved this much before. I love this child so much it just hurts. I don't know how to explain it, but I love him so much that I don't think I can do it. I'm sorry... I'm rambling. I don't make an ounce of sense, do I?" I sigh softly, turning back to look at him, blue eyes searching him. "All this, and I haven't even stopped to make sure you're okay... Are you okay? Are you as scared as I am?" My muzzle touched his wing, gently stroking the muscle and soft feather that layered it.
Just him touching me, and me touching him was so... So blissful. I couldn't explain the feelings he made me feel, but it was like I imagined flying. My heart wanted to jump in my throat, and I just wanted to scream out how happy it made me feel. Because it really did make me feel on cloud nine. Do you feel higher than the clouds Rhoa? Do I distract you as much as you distract me? And I could lose myself in his warmth, in his eyes. And I had before, and I could easily do it again, and again and for all eternity. I don't think I could get bored with it. Boredom? Inside I laugh at myself. No, the word is ridiculous.
"talk talk talk talk "
|
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
⇒
[P] I can't feel my face when I'm with you
