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02-13-2016, 08:38 PM
the aurelight
His soul felt weary simply gazing upon the beautiful woman, as if it took far too much energy just to draw breath into his lungs every few seconds. She bore the weight of every face before her that he had loved, an unfair burden she could not lift. The ghosts of his past lovers seemed to haunt her every step, driving Kaj away even while she herself beckoned him nearer. He was as easily startled as a lone babe in the woods, jumping away from every misstep she inevitably made. He could not love her without remembering those who had not loved him in return, and though he could not feel the agony anymore, he still knew the deep ache of it. Miykael could not perform miracles, and Kaj knew that this was as unburdened as he could ever be for Cirrus. It was this or nothing. He stood before her incomplete, unsure if it was enough. If she denied him here, there would be nothing else he could hope to give her.
But they were both damaged, so horribly cracked beyond repair. What was left was the wonder of whether their shattered pieces could be collaged together into something resembling whole. If they were broken in the right places, so that they could hope to be melded together instead of laying in glittering shards across the earth where they had walked and wept. But the snow between them lay untouched, unmarred, and Kaj wondered if maybe that was a sign. A symbol of the fact that here, now, there were new choices to be made.
Cirrus made hers, striding through it, breaking apart the perfection as she sought him out. Kaj did not know how to respond at first as she bore upon him, as deliriously beautiful and full of life as he remembered her. She was so easy to love, and yet the word was so misleading. He fell into her so quickly, no hesitation, but it did not mean he loved her in a manner that could be called easy. He loved her like howling gales and proprietary sunrays, hoping to stain himself upon her and leave her marked forever with his presence. He loved her like freedom and the ash of everything his touch had burned in his life, but she danced with him between that circle of flames without hesitation. She, too, was a creature of unfair, unwanted destruction. And yet they had not destroyed each other. Fire and ice, wind and rain, they cancelled and equaled and become neutral and mute. Harmless in the other's presence. Resilient against the curses they both carried in their skins. He felt as much kinship for her as he did love, and did not know which emotion to rely upon here.
Still, she wrapped herself around him, and he could not resist the touch of her body and the familiar scent cloying in his nares. He draped himself down upon her and heaved her tight against his breast, wings unfurling in their mighty span as if to hide her from every rightfully-greedy gaze that could fall upon her. Envy me, he demanded with his actions to any who may be watching. Envy me for having her. But he did not, he did not own her, and he could not sort through all the emotions that tumbled through him because of it.
His eyes lifted, time seeming muddied and slow, and caught the flash of gold in her mane. His heart was squeezed in her powerful hands, for in those minuscule fibers that had come from his own body, there lay a type of answer. A hope. That she had perhaps waited for him as he had, consciously or subconsciously. Her sweet scent was dizzying, intoxicating, and her words more so. She was a drug in his system, the one that had tempted him to the farthest reach of the heavens, where the air was thin and everything was pure and simple. She was dangerous, but Kaj was as well. And yet she stood there, asking for a home, disturbing Kaj's fears that she saw him as chains and shackles. Perhaps she did not fear the ground? Maybe...maybe she would stay upon it, for him?
The interruption nearly caused him to snarl, something animalistic coming to the fore at being disturbed from this brief, potential paradise. But the eager colt was endeared to his heart, and Kaj smiled fondly down at him as he went bounding loose-limbed and excitable over to Cirrus. "Hello, Murtagh. No bears today?" It was a gentle sort of teasing, knowing that Murtagh was safe here at his side, though his mothers would likely note his absence within minutes. Both secretly scared him, but the colt was so very different from them that Kaj was soothed by the knowledge that Lakota and Ktulu must therefore have some secret side to their personas that had created such a kind and joyous soul. One that Kaj felt bitter, helpless desire over. The foals he had taken beneath wing had seemed to disappear, and he was left as alone as before, yearning for something he could not have.
His eyes slid to Cirrus as she warmly intercepted the child, and quietly watched their interaction. She is not Kahlua, but...
No. Kaj may have no foals of blood, but he had Isopia. She did not need him perhaps, but he loved her as a father would, was there whenever she called. He should not be greedy, should not desire for something he did not deserve.
"You are always welcome here, Cirrus," the stallion rumbled when her eyes found his next, between her silent proposal and the question she had for the colt. His answer was as simplistic as that. But when she spoke...it was clear that she was haunted by some sort of diverging path, one that spoke of warring personalities and desires. He would not guide her unfairly upon it, leaving the decision instead to the exuberant colt she addressed. Perhaps the simplicity of a child's mind would shed the proper light upon her issue.
credit bronzehalo
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