Ivezho.

The burning stallion is the first to arrive. Had it been under different circumstances I might have greeted him. But instead I turned my gaze to him. I looked at him, yet looked through him. It was like my emotions had been shut off. I was left with a shell of my body. Stuck in here without emotions.

Denial

Stage one had already hit me and my emotional state like a wreaking ball. I was shattered like glass. Dreams, hopes.. They had been thrown and stomped on. I had accepted motherhood. Wanted it even. I was scared at first, but I was as ready as I could be. I couldn't wait to meet my sons.

My body leaned into the wing without much thought. The tears had stopped flowing, and my dead eyes returned to look at my son. Kvasir. My living son. I wanted to love him. I do, but I can't love him properly. I was insufficient. But then the fool came.

Anger

At first, his comment seems sweet, and my blank eyes watch him. I felt like a stranger in my body, watching from the back of my mind. Voices muffled, my name muffled coming from Ivezho's mouth. But then his foolish comments become clear. My ears snap back.

Do you really think it's that easy?

But yet another comes. Her snapping jaws separate me from Ivezho, My head shooting up, as a surprised snort forced itself from my nostrils, before my body moved to block Kvasir. Her vicious antics are quickly turned onto Ilios however. Accusations fly, words thrown harder than I could throw myself.

She understands.

The woman gives a glance to Ivezho, before her attention is now given to me. I expect a berating, but she is close, radiating warmth... Her words bring it back. My ears listen carefully to the soft words, the words of someone who knew how fucking much it hurt. The flip is switched back on, and the tears start again. A sob breaks the silence, and my head lowers to curl against her shoulder. That sob was mine. This pain is mine. But there is someone here... She can take care of him. I can't. She would know what to do.

"MOVE!

My head lifts up, ears shooting forward to see Rhoa... He's coming in like a jet with cut brakes, and I am worried... worried is an emotion. I have them still... I am worried he will land too hard.

He does land hard. Wings where sprawled and he had a mad look in his eye. But he only see's me... And Vidar. My head turns to look at his perfect white and black body. His soft feathers... No.

"No."

The word comes out like a shreek. I had realized it over and over again. He was dead. And Rhoa saw it. He saw how incapable I was. He would blame me.

"He's just...

His voice falters, and I am beginning to back up, but I stop. He hurt too. He was Vidar's father too. He was breaking inside, just like me. He was being destroyed inside out too. His heart was bleeding too.

Bargaining

I wasn't the one doing it. His voice is startling. It is rough, compared to the softness of his baritones. It is raw. Raw grief. My blue eyes close, as my head turns away. I am unable to bear it. But I have to. I look to the mare, a silent plea to not move. To keep her tail blanketed on my son... Our son.

Shakily my legs carry me to him. To Rhoa. To his broken form. To the drooped wings. Desperate for something. He looks at us. Us all, and blaming us, for something we have no control over. Accusing us of letting him die. My nose reaches downwards to bury itself in the black tresses, but it stops, to look at the man as grief ridden as myself.

"Rhoa... He... There was nothing I could do... He wasn't breathing when he came out." My voice trembles, like it would break at any moment. My head pulls away curling against my chest, and my eyes close, trying to hold myself together. I had to be strong. But I was destroyed. How do you glue glass with missing pieces? I would never be strong again. I would bend and break easily.

I wasn't scared. I had moved past that. I was tired, and hurt. I was ready for it to be over. I was ready to give up. I could lay down and never get up again. Teary eyes opened to look at Rhoa. Pleading with him to stop. He had to stop. I couldn't take it. His pain and my own was just to much. Rhoa the last, and Glacia the broken.

"Vidar.... His name is Vidar... He would have been perfect..." My eyes looked at the silent child, and the saddest smile hinted at my lips. "He is perfect... Rhoa... He's. I... I'm so sorry..." My head swings to the mare who felt my pain. "Take Kvasir... You can care for him. I can't. He deserves more than a husk as a mother... He deserves a better life than I can provide." The plea is desperate, as desperate as the look in my eyes.

Please. I can't take care of him. I can't do it. We can't do it.

But maybe it's the plea of a mad woman. A woman being already driven mad by grief. Maybe they wouldn't agree with me. But they weren't the ones who had to live with the failure. They where not the ones who would be emotionally dead to their child. I couldn't do that to him. Gods, I couldn't do that to my own flesh and blood.

"Speech goes here."

Glacia