ISOPIA

Realism [+3]
For a spar that was so emotionally charged, I still thought you held up your realism. You understand fighting mechanics to an advanced state and that is easily seen, even when the mechanics are not the forefront. You had good responses to Ashamin's magic and each dice roll.


Emotion [+2.5]
I had all of the feels while reading this spar. You really utilized this here, and I enjoyed it very much. It was interesting reading Isopia, a character so typically detached from emotions to a near sociopathic state, be embraced by emotion in such a tangible way.

Prose [+4]
Your writing is beautiful. Each post was clearly proofread and full of beautiful imagery. My favorite line was:

P4: “It was no longer only the air which was cold and sang sonnets of death. Her womb now sang too.”

Readability [+2.5]
Your posts were well-written and engaging. I had to re-read a few sentences to grasp them, but it did not hinder too much.

Finally tally: 44.5+(12*2)= 68.5 HP


ASHAMIN

Realism [+3]
You are an excellent fighter and it shows, even though this battle was mostly emotionally charged. You used good fighting mechanics. I liked your responses to the attacks and thought your damage fit the dice rolls. I thought it was especially clever to take damage from the breaking of the Spark Amulet! I also really liked your incorporation of Ashamin’s fighting experiences, and how you wrote them to shape his current fight.

In post one, you had a small instance of powerplay: “He stood to her left and pawed at the earth”. Make sure you do not use any definitive language in your posts, but only intentional language. Isopia has the freedom to move whenever. This was a very small instance of power play and it did not detract from your score, but be aware of it. It is so easy to write with intentional language.

Emotion [+2.5]
This spar had me begging for more in the best kind of way. Ashamin was so present in this challenge. He was emotionally high strung the entire spar and I was hit right in the feels in each post.

Prose [+3.5]
You write very beautifully. Each post was clearly proofread and handled with care. I loved the imagery you used. Your writing kept the spar moving forward in a great way. I did find one error, however, in post three:

P3: sent a flash of it in pictoral :: pictorial

Readability [+2]
Each post was proofread and flowed well. There was only one time where I found myself having to read over and over again not only in the sentence but in the whole paragraph. In post three you wrote: “Stunned, the stag watched the blood drip down her”, which confused me. Is he watched her or himself? From reading around, I think Ashamin is watching his own injuries because there is no mention of turning to look back at Isopia after he looked back at his thigh.

Finally tally: 56.5+(11*2)= 78.5 HP