How wonderful it felt for him to accept her, to hold her tighter like he had found a hidden treasure he had once lost. Her heart beat faster in her chest at his touch, the way he made her feel so warm by his affection that she thought she would never experience again. Her body itched to remain next to him, to let their heat intermingle and their eyes to never look away from each other, to stare for eternity until they withered away into nothingness. She hadn't realized just how much it had hurt when he had left, when he hadn't been around when she finally did return, and it was enough to bring tears to her hazel orbs once more. He was refusing to cry it seemed, wanting to be strong for her, even though she didn't deserve it. Quilyan popped into her mind and she mentally flinched, looking down almost in guilt.
She had slept with him. A one night stand that she didn't expect to happen. Yet she had been so vulnerable and desperate that her unstable emotions had kicked in, giving herself to him so willingly, easily, because of those beautiful violet eyes and the kindness he offered to her. It made her cringe with guilt and disgust at herself. She was no worse than... than... well, a whore really. The thought killed her, made her want to curl up and cry, but she couldn't with Cerin here. She must rejoice, must cherish him while he is here and while this moment lasts, because as soon as he found out what she had done... he wouldn't stay long. The thought brought anxiety to her, caused her to look at him anxiously, longingly, hoping she could do something to hold onto him as long as possible. Heart thudding in her chest, she didn't know what would happen next, but she didn't have time to worry on it as soon her mind was being filled with one of his memories.
It was of them, the first time they had ever met. How close she had snuggled to him, had cried into his chest and how he had accepted it so willingly. She could feel his nervousness, his fear of rejection and confusion of what she had been doing back then. Everything that he had felt then was flooding over her now, and as she continued to see through his mind, she couldn't help but notice how she literally glowed. Like a delicate beacon in the night sky that lead the path to something better. The sight made her heart drop. He had loved her from day one. Whether or not either of them had realized it, that was the truth, and it killed her deep within now that she was aware of the fact, and with the circumstances present. When she was released from the grip of his magic she gasped, breaking free and looking at him with wide eyes.
She so badly wanted to accept it, to look at him and say she loved him too. That she wanted to be his forever and always, that they could be together forever and they would have their happy ending. But like she had always told herself, no one actually gets their happy ending. Taking a step back she gave a weak smile, trying to keep the tears back, trying to hold in the sobs as she looked at him," Oh Cerin... I love you too. So... so much. But I-" She had to stop herself, had to let one sob out as her voice cracked and she looked to the ground in utter devastation. How was she to tell him? What would happen once he knew. She would lose him and never get him back. She couldn't bear the thought of it, of just getting him back in her life, only for him to leave it because she couldn't keep her legs shut. She cried harder, trying not to scream in frustration and agony of the utter clusterfuck she had made for herself in the process of trying to better herself. The irony was too much for her to handle.
" I am... I've been..." just how many times was she supposed to fumble over her words before she could even say it? Gulping down air like she would never have it again she mustered up all of her courage, pushed aside all of her fear and sorrow and prepared herself for the goodbye, for the look of hate and the disgusted snort to follow: " I have been with another." And then she broke; she crumpled to the ground in a heap of spots and butterfly wings, too afraid to look at him and his reaction as she wailed like the first time they met. It was loud, echoing through the trees and filling the forest with her anguish. She couldn't leave it at that, she couldn't just let it all fall, she had to try to recover and at least take a chance at getting his forgiveness from him.
" T-There's nothing there with him. I was just upset and lonely and frustrated. He helped me figure out my emotions, help me realize that I need to take care of myself more. Then well, he was so nice and handsome, and it felt so warm next to him. M-My emotions were unstable and illogical. I made a mistake and-" she looked hopefully into those emeralds she would never forget, tears still streaming as she struggled to stand again and to look deeply at him, getting as close as he would allow before whispering," I was trying to replace you, Cerin. No one can ever replace you."
OOC: Cerin is never allowed to leave again. Ever.
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