we heal with love,

Free from the diplomatic requirements of a herd meeting, Alysanne actually snorted as Tembovu said the words ‘I don’t claim to be a strict King’. He may not claim to be but she had a feeling he was going to flex his power in the oncoming words. The derision she felt was quickly replaced by surprised as he began to chastise her for “nearly openly disrespecting him”. What did that even mean? She tried to think back to the meeting, tried to remember if she had said anything. She knew that Iona was well aware what every twitch and flinch in her body meant but she didn’t realize it was so blatantly obvious toward everyone else. Her green eyes narrowed at him but her voice was level as she responded - carefully and painstakingly kept that way. “I wasn’t aware that I caused such a disturbance at the herd meeting, it sounds as though I was igniting a civil war. Exactly what was it I did, Tembovu that you are so opposed to? Not smile prettily toward you? Give my healers tasks to keep them busy? I’m one of the few lead ranks that did, if I remember correctly.” She knew Iona had held a meeting but what of the others? Though she doubted Tembovu’s friends got in trouble for such things. It only seemed to be her that drew his criticism lately.

While she started out calmly, coldly, the fire was catching and Alysanne was losing control again. She was a hypocrite, damning Tembovu for his lack of self control while she had lost all grip on her own. Though while the pegasus mare might spit poisonous words at him in private she could never do the damage he was capable of. Her words could hurt but they could not kill.

She didn’t want to slip off of this edge but it was too late, she could feel it happening this time and hated herself for not turning and fleeing from him before she had the chance to speak. Now the venom was back in her words, a quick burning in her eyes as she stared back at him. “Are you ordering me, my king, to smile and bat my eyelashes at you when there are others around? To fawn over you like all the others?” Like his little fan club at the herd meeting - Alune boldly walking up and standing with the King and Queen, opening casual discussion while they all stood around and waited. She wondered if they knew what he was capable of or if they still saw the kind stallion she once knew. As much as she hoped they were ignorant, perhaps they all needed to know...

“Are you ordering me to pretend that you don’t disgust me, that I’m not afraid every single time I close my eyes that I will wake up to find the Edge on fire because you had a bad day.” Even though she spat those last few words her voice started to tremble - from rage and from fear - and she looked away, taking a step back as if that extra little bit of room would help her breath and calm down.

But of course it didn’t, not really. There was a disruption to the fire in her but Alysanne had a terrible feeling that it was just the calm before the storm. “You did not handle my criticism so well the last time we spoke, why would it be any different in the future?” Conveniently, she ignored the fact that she may have shouted those criticisms at him. “My personal dislike for you is tied to my distrust in you as a herd mate. We all live in the same herd - everything that we do to each other doesn’t just go away when it’s time to play politics. It bleeds together. We can’t yell at each other in the woods and then pretend everything is fine the next time we meet. It’s not fine, Tembovu.” ‘I’m not fine’ her thoughts echoed. These nasty words he inspired her mixed dangerously with her grief over failing her quest and Alysanne had just enough mind to wonder how far she would fall this time. She was losing her grip on who she was - burning the old Alysanne up with each fiery flash of anger and hatred.

alysanne