The scream of the storm raged overhead. Though the air was warm due to the insistent heat of TallSun, every now and then an icy chill would zigzag through, sloshing over Gaucho and trying to chill him to the bone. But his body was numb to the weather for now. Tomorrow he might feel the wet ache in his bones and the bruising from where he was constantly being berated by the rain. But for now, his mind and the blackness of the oasis were one: not even the screams of the storm overhead could break his focus.

But another scream could.

At first he thought it nothing more than the mere echoes of thunder, but the tone was higher, despite how it bevelled and warped as it carried across the water towards him. He heard it again, and it became clear that he was not alone here, as he thought he was. There was someone screaming out there in the darkness.

Had the Wildfire ever heard the Transcended scream before? If he had, it was not in the same register as the voice she now used, and so it didn't immediately register in his mind. Instictivley, for the protection of his herd was always a drive lingering in the back of his mind, his antlered skull rose as did his wings. It was absurd to think that the fire on his appendages could illuminate all the way across the water, but instincts never did make much sense. Despite the urge to remain tied in darkness, Gaucho moved around the circumference of the Oasis, plodding with a determination towards where the cries had originated from.

Lightning flashed.

He could see an afterimage of a winged shape only a few hundred meters away. The figure's wings were splayed, but the dun didn't see anyone else around, suggesting that there wasn't any immediate danger. So why the screams? Without Mara and Vorsa there to assist him (likely both of the females could have identified Sohalia much more quickly, even in this weather), Gaucho was still ignorant of the identity. And so, with the possibility of danger still lurking in his mind, he continued to advance.

Thunder rolled out across the skies, shaking his head and making his eyes feel as though they could suddenly see sounds given all the pressure changes around them. The thunder also drowned out his hale, making it impossible to get the attention of whoever it was.

So he continued.

In the darkness, even with the fire on his wings, he couldn't see just how close he was to them. They likely could see him, dully perhaps given how thick the curtains of rain were, but he would need another bolt of lightning to further guide his path. He could have used his magic, but if there was danger, he would need to save his strength to fight it.

No, he would wait on Mother Nature.

After a few moments and more plodding on the wet shore, the skies did brighten, and Gaucho found himself only a few meters away from the one whose memory drew him here in the first place. The light disappeared, and he found himself staring once again at her after image, though this one was much more clear given their proximity, and now that he knew who it was, his mind easily filled in the details.

As in most encounters with Sohalia that were not pleasant, there was still a budding and flickering ray of pure light within himself. Always it encouraged him to forgive, to take her in his wings like he had so many times. To shower her in small points of light like he had done on the eve Zenobia had been conceived. The way that her eyes seemed to be impossibly bright, accented by the growing redness of tear-filled eyes threatened to break his resolve, to weaken his knees and his anger towards her-

but then, there was no anger, was there? There was only betrayal, and sadness.

Gaucho was not the type of creature to forgive, not really. For that which was forgivable, clearly wasn't so bad if forgiveness could even be offered. And that which was unforgivable could never be forgiven. Thus, this wasn't a matter of what Gaucho did, or didn't want to forgive. Had nothing to do with his capacity in that regard. This was unforgivable, no matter how much he might have wanted to. Such would have been weakness, and the dun was not weak.

Gaucho exhaled into the moist blackness, feeling his eyes blinking and searching for her regardless of the low visibility. The light from his wings outlined her body in pale red lines of fire, but she was mostly black to him - save for her eyes. Her eyes were pools of the deepest black, with only solitary pinpricks of white-hot light inside.

Gaucho-

She said his name, and he could feel his face wanted to tighten into a grimace, but he refused. Hearing her say it felt like a cool piece of satin being draped across his skin, only to be followed with razor blades. It hurt to hear her speak to him, but again, he refused to let it show.

He considered asking her why she had done what she had. Why she'd so carelessly thrown away the life they had together. He thought of demanding to know now all the things he had never asked her: why it was she ran, what had brought her back, why had she gone to the Falls again instead of returning home? Why Kaj? For how long? Did she love him? Why did he let him think it was okay to be with her? Why had she followed him back?

whywhywhywhywhywhywhy?

But none of it mattered. She was always the more clever of the two, especially when it came to verbalizing justifications (and excuses).

And so, as lightning flashed again and her face light up as bright and beautiful as it had ever been before, he asked the only thing he could think of:

"How could you?" His voice was level, but a ghost of the normally strong and confident tones that normally came from his black lips.

At the sound of her laughter, the moment dissolved. The tension that stretched long and black between them suddenly broke, and the recoil of it - and the sound Sohalia was making - indeed make the dun recoil. His antlered skull rose into the air, steely gray gaze suddenly wide in alarm and confusion. But it was a hateful sort of alarm, the type that made him want to slap the sound out of her with a mighty stroke of a wing.

She had crushed him, and now, when he had finally asked her the one thing he wanted - needed to know - she was laughing at him.

A snarl etched its way onto his dark features but his ears remained forward, rather than pinned against his skull. It was as if her sardonic amusement had wafted towards him, fueling this hateful game that they had , for years, been on the sidelines of, and only now tagged-in to play.

Every time I wasn't around, you just couldn't wait to find someone else, could you?

"Yes." He snapped, his teeth making audible clicking noises as they collided. "Everytime you not around. Gaucho give you everything. Home, love, family. Make you khaleesi. But none of that enough to make you stay. How many times you go? Once? " He barked a laugh. "Once forgivable. Twice?" He glared at her, as if daring her to correct his math. "No."

His lip curled. Gaucho continue to count? it seemed to say.

I never wanted this! The dun fought the urge to roll his eyes. Never wanted this? No, he wanted to correct her, you just never wanted to get caught. But kept silent, listening to her voice rising above the storm.

I didn't ask for a child with anyone else but you!  It should have been you, but..

"So Kaj do this to you?" He interrupted again, the snarl falling away from his lips. It wasn't hope that sprang onto his features, but something like it. Kaj wasn't the raping kind .. Gaucho was sure of that but .. could it have been magic? Could something have happened .. a quest, a trap ... something? The Wildfire's eyes focused intently on hers, demanding an answer to the question.

Say yes, and I'll hate him and not you. I'll kill him, and save us.

"THAT NOT GAUCHO'S FAULT." He suddenly yelled. His voice was a boom as powerful as any thunder that rolled overhead, but wracked with pain and heartache. It was the one thing that he couldn't account for, the one time he had let his family down in a monumental way. But he had been tricked and drugged. He had returned without his memories and it was only because of the Sun God's grace that he was replenished and restored at all.  For a moment he looked at Sohalia with wide, wounded eyes, and again the urge to attack her right then and there was unmistakably bright beneath the surface of his water-soaked features. That she would use that against him? It sting more than he cared to admit, but the wound spread out across his features. Yes, he had literally forgotten about her, but that was far, far out of his control.

And at least he had come to find her, memories or not.

You were gone, and I managed to wait for you.

The pain disappeared and a sneer reappeared, which he was thankful for. It was always so much easier to be angry than injured, for despite how cutting Soh's words were, there was of course an element of truth in all of it. He and Ampere had been together how many times? But still, he saw it as being different.

"Managed." He spat out. "You seem to almost be managing with Note, day Gaucho find you in cave. Not finding Zenobia, but find stallion who say to Gaucho she is my mate."  It might not have been exactly the same, but let her not forget that her history wasn't as unblemished as she kept her coat.

"How long Gaucho supposed to wait, Soh?" Not Sohalia, but Soh. Familiarity was too easy to fall into. "Gaucho look for you, but you gone without a word. No where to start, no trail to follow. But Gaucho look. Soh gone for months. So. How long Gaucho supposed to wait?" Even in his simple mind, he thought he had a point. He hadn't promised to love her forever, but not wait forever. Hadn't he done his due diligence?

I didn't want to make things difficult for you when you were clearly so happy without me.

That stung too, and not for the first time the bitterness on Gaucho's face was replaced instantly with pain. What would Ivezho have known about it? He had always had a boyish mind and a love for his mother, of course he would see his father and his traitorous motives as just that. But as happy as he had been with Ampere, she had never replaced Sohalia. The dun would have welcomed the drama and chaos of having to deal with both Ampere and Sohalia at the same time. Better that, than the lies and deceit that separation had caused.

"Wrong." He finally said, his voice quiet and overshadowed by the roars of thunder overhead. He had always wanted her. Did she expect him to abandon their home to scour the world for her? THat was like asking him to sing her poetry. It wasn't who he was. But he had loved her, from the first day until now. He always had. She was wrong.

There are some who would say that murdering your mate's children from before you is unforgivable. Again, that disbelieving look crossed Gaucho's face. Archibald had held a grudge for what the Moon Goddess had made Gaucho do for seasons and seasons, though the rest had all seemingly allowed that he was a mere instrument in all of it. Not for the second time, Gaucho was shocked that the pale mare would accuse him of such as this. Something clearly out of his control, but so petty and hurtful. He felt a wrack of pain roll through him as lightning flashed overhead, and was temporarily grateful that the rain disguised the tears that gushed from his dark eyes. He had carried the darkness of all the souls he had been party to murder in his heart. Not a day went by that the weight of the Moon Goddess' treachery didn't pull down his strides. But the victim that weakened him the most had been the brownish filly, Skysong. He still recalled how the words burned leaving his lips when he told Sohalia what had happened.

In that she was right. It was unforgivable, it just wasn't Gaucho who was in need of that forgiveness. "Gaucho tell you what happened to Skysong himself." He said in a low voice, through clenched teeth that tried to hold in a sob. "That the Moon Goddess' fault. Not Gaucho."

I know I have made mistakes, but you refuse to acknowledge yours.

Perhaps unfairly, Gaucho raised his bone pierced muzzle again slightly, as if wanted to remove any intimacy that their close proximity might have suggested. "Right now this not about Gaucho. Gaucho ask Sohalia how she could do this. But all you have to say is that it Gaucho's fault? You not blame Kaj for your actions, but you happy to blame Gaucho."

I know it wasn't your fault, Gaucho. That's the point. I never held that against you. He looked at her flabbergasted, wanting to shake her like the porcelain doll she often appeared to be and scream into her ears the stupidity of her own words. But of course his mouth and tongue did not have the tools to do so, so instead he looked at her with numb misapprehension. If it wasn't Gaucho's fault, you can't hold it against him. She didn't hold this storm against him, did she? No! Because that was out of his control, just as half of her accusations weren't.

Though she denied that she was blaming him for anything, it certainly sounded like she was. It sounded like a long laundry list of things that she had indeed forgiven him for, but perhaps only in words. The bitterness with which she struck him with each and every fault, of his own making or not, sounded as though they came from a place still black with pain. Is that what had always driven her away? Had driven her into Kaj's open wings and secret places? That she had never really forgiven him?

Because if she had, she wouldn't be using his past transgressions as a way to justify her own actions.

I love you, Gaucho. I never would have left you - or Zeno, or Rhoa, or Ivezho, or Aelin, or Hawke - I never would have left any of you on purpose The dun shook his antlered head. You have to know that."No. Gaucho not know that." He said, and though his voice was low and stern, it was not flung towards her the way his past mutterings had been. This was honesty, not an attack. But it was true. She said that she hadn't left them willingly, but then why? Her reasons for leaving were fuzzy in his mind, and yet ... yet.. It hadn't just happened once, as it had with him. And twice when she had returned, it had been into the arms of others rather than his own. "Soh say she not leave on purpose. But Soh also not come back home. Back to family. Soh go to others first." His head shook, unable to reconcile the facts as they were, but not wanting to argue with her about their past anymore either.

Their words didn't change what had been long blown away by the sands of time.

-- I never asked you to wait forever. I returned and I thought you had moved on.

-- I thought you have found someone else.

-- I would have wanted you to choose. Me or her.

Gaucho's dark lips opened, trying to find a point to interrupt the poetic lilt of her words. Finally, he spoke, his voice a sombre and low growling sort of sound. The type of sound indicative of the more purest type of regret. "You should have asked." He said simply. She should have asked him to wait forever: he would have - should have asked if he had found someone else, what choice he would have made. She should have asked, but she didn't.

"Soh say never leave on purpose, but you never come back to Gaucho. You get news from our son, a boy, and not talk to Gaucho. You say you afraid to let Gaucho choose, but that becuase you never let Gaucho choose. You decide to let Gaucho 'stay happy', you decide to stay away, you decide to 'let Gaucho be happy without Soh'." His voice began to rise, emotion lacing every word, punctuated by the way the raindrops fell off of his lips as he spoke. Lightning flashed and the heartache and endless sadness in his eyes was clearly visible, painted on every line and every curve of his face.

"You not even try to ask." He said after a moment. And that's why this is your fault.

Perhaps they had stumbled upon the biggest difference between them.

They both loved one another, and despite whether the other was entirely convinced of it, it was in fact, true. But for Sohalia, that sort of endless love seemingly meant she could forgive Gaucho for his transgressions, both ones which were out of his control, and ones that were not. For Gaucho on the other hand, love was simply not a factor. How much, endlessly, or ceaselessly he loved Sohalia could not account for the fact that in a pure moment of weakness, she had given into a stallion in a way that betrayed everything about them. At least in Gaucho's mind, he had only 'been' with Ampere when Sohalia was away, and, given their reluctance for labels or verbal contracts of 'being exclusive' did not seem wrong, merely impulsive. And, he did love Ampere. But love made it possible for Sohalia to forgive that, regardless of whether or not Gaucho felt it needed to be forgiven.

But Aleta? Kaj? That had been pure weakness and betrayal. She had not come back weak and broken this second time around, merely lost and tired. She had found Ivezo first, and could presumably have come home with him immediately. He could have gotten Gaucho, or gotten Sohalia whatever it was she needed to make her return. But instead she took her son's word of what was happening at home, and allowed herself to run directly into the arms of another.

It wasn't forgivable, regardless of how much he loved her. He wanted it to be, but knew that he couldn't. He would see Kaj- and their child - upon her now with every glance. She had soiled her morals so easily, and that was not a stain that Gaucho's love could scrub clean.

From this day forward, he would look at her, and know that instead of doing what was difficult and talking to him, that she had taken the easy way out, and satisfied her needs with another man.

As she apologized, Gaucho's ears tilted forward and his head lowered slightly. Even so, his pained expression did not change. Wasn't that what was supposed to happen, at the conclusion of a fight? Someone finally gives in, everyone makes up, and the whole thing goes away? Only ... This didn't feel like a fight. Despite the lingering sense of hurt and the need for his wounds to be understood, an apology wasn't what he wanted. It was as he said - it was unforgivable, and as such, there was nothing to apologize for. Because apologies could be accepted and hers ... couldn't.

Even so, Gaucho couldn't pull himself away. Despite the fact that he hadn't wanted to leave his place on the far side of the blackened waters, now he felt unable to leave Sohalia's side. Deep down, something inside said that this would be the last time they ever spoke openly to one another, for after this, it would all be a facade of broken futures and unspoken things.

But had he anything left to say?

He did, but not even he was so cruel to utter the words that glistened in the back of his mind. The Wildfire looked at the Transcended with bitter regret - enough for the two of them. If only the storm ahead could wash their pasts as clean as it would everything else.  His blue-gray gaze fell upon her, watching as her face went from illuminated brilliance to a dull warm-washed glow as the Lightning faded.

I love you, those words were. And also, I wish you hadn't.

And most of all, I wish we could go back.

He had thought his resolve unshakable. That, despite how his heart ached for time to recalibrate itself back to a course where their love wasn't so completely tarnished, that he could handle the course that he was on. He was the Wildfire after all, a living, breathing, emblem of all that was strong and fastidious in the Dragon's Throat.

Wasn't he?

But as she said his name, somehow the dizzying anger of a few moments prior was clouded by the sound of her voice. That anger, so pure and easy to grasp at, had drifted farther away somehow, just when Gaucho wasn't looking. The word unforgivable rang in his mind, outlined in clear white fire and yet? Yet it was just there. A fact to be sure, but one that felt as though its power to motivate was slowly dwindling.

So he just wouldn't forgive her. Could they not still-

- but now she was coming closer, and the familiar heat that they had always called love roared within his loins spreading outwards every direction. Before, when he had been staring into the waters, he hadn't felt the cold of the storm or the drops of rain pelting his back. He still couldn't feel the storm, but now for an entirely different reason. He wanted her - as he always did, he could never deny that - but he wanted her more. Not more of her, but with more of him. All of him wanted her now; his heart and soul, as well as his body. But-

-unforgivable.

She was saying something. Distantly the words registered. ..away from you?

No, never- he wanted to say, but that warming sensation had numbed and simultaneously frozen every inch of him. He was hopeless to move as her pale form danced closer in the dim light of the storm.

He looked down at her, blue-gray gaze significantly softened from when they had first come to stand near each other only a few moments ago. He was tired now - tired of the fighting, of the difficult task for him to verbalized his emotions, but most of all, he was tired of bearing the grief of Sohalia's decision. She could forgive him, but he couldn't forgive her, and so it was he who was at fault for this chasm. He who bore the weight. Perhaps even no one was at fault. The two had their different moralities, their different moral compasses and codes, and each had acted as they thought best, each taking offence where it seemed necessary. They shot arrows past one another, and now that their quivers were emptied they could finally see that their targets weren't even there. Ever shot had missed.

Gaucho sighed.

Before he realized what he was doing one burning wing stretched forward. For a moment it appeared as though all he would do is light her face so that he could see her better, but then that flaming feather was stroking the side of her cheek. Just one stroke, from her eye down to where the bone curved. As he did so, he felt the words

I love, begin to blur in his mind as images of Kaj came into view. Instantly his wing tensed, and then jerked back. Had Kaj touched her there, with his wing? Where had she touched him? The dun drew in a sharp breath, eyes wide with disgust and sorrow.

He couldn't. It was as he thought it would be.

But..

but...

He did love her, as he always said he had. As he always would.

"Gaucho can't-" He whispered, being able to manage little more than that. His voice threatened to turn into a scream of anger at her once again for making so weak a mistake, but also to cry out at the unfairness of it all. But intermingled was a third sound, a sound of love mixed in thoroughly beneath the rain.

"Gaucho need to think," He continued clumsily, which wasn't entirely true. What he needed to do was go stare at something for a long time, and decide whether or not he could get over this, or whether he would see Kaj and Sohalia together every time he looked at the pale dove. "But-" His gaze focused and he looked at her now, this time actually seeing her. His blood had cooled some, but even so, his nostrils flared, releasing puffs of hot, needy air. "-stay in Throat."

The dun retreated a step, his antlered skull shaking slightly. To clear his head? To once again reiterate a general feeling of no, towards the entire situation? Why not both?

"Please." He concluded, his voice hoarse and gritty sounding, as if it came from deep within his chest, rather than forming in his mouth.