"Where brilliance is good and madness is better..."
Helovia Info
Helovia opened in February 2012! We are an active fantasy equine RPG
Where once the world narrowed into naught but gray dust and desolation, the gods called for life. Wielding the elements of fire and light, dark and wind, earth and water, spark and time, they have created Helovia. The realm is set within the mythical globe of Loorien, a planet rich with all variety of creatures and blessed with all manner of magic. Originally populated by nomadic, tribal characters, they've since grown into massive empires saturated with culture and history. Separated into four distinct segments of Helovia, called "The Regions," each band of horse strong enough and capable enough, took up the power and responsibility of leadership. Unicorns, old, wise and mysterious, took to the north, hidden in forests of mists and shadows and rarely making themselves known beyond their cliffs of the World's Edge. Equines, vast, organized and militaristic, split into two, one group went north to the Windtossed Foothills and the other group went south to the Dragon's Throat. Pegasus remained nomadic, making their homes in various parts of The Wilds in a migratory manner. For many generations, the land was peaceful and calm, but peace was never the way of the gods. With a clash of argument, war and bloodshed massacred Helovia, and in the aftermath, the realm was eerily quiet. Now, as newcomers sweep into this land, they are met with the lingering bitterness of the gods and the struggle to reclaim what was lost. Nothing remains safe or certain while sorcerers and soldiers alike brood and bide their time for revenge, honor and glory.
Site Wide Plots
Kaos :: The Beginning of the End ☼ - 6/2017 - Kaos placed Helovia in a time-bubble for a short period of time, but the Helovian gods are fighting back. But Kaos is powerful- far more powerful than anyone thought. This may be the beginning of the end of Helovia as we know it.
Kisamoa :: A New Kind of Kaos ☼ - 3/2017 - Kisamoa asks Helovians to help him restore the Spectral Marsh. Which side will you choose?
Invasions :: All Out War ☼ - 5/2/16 - New layout and the brand new invasion rules are up! Thank you for your patience and we look forward to getting started with this new adventure.
The Rift :: Gods Do Die ☼ - 8/2015 - Helovia Gods are saving the Rift from corrupt gods! Can Helovians band together against these foreign deities?
The Literal Ship ☼ - 2/8/15 - Oh no! You have to pair up for Valentine's day!
Sky Island :: Murder ☼ - 10/25/14 - Vesta has been found dead on the island, and the gods have called to you to solve the murder!
Sky Island :: Peace ☼ - 7/7/14 - An island has appeared in the sky! Clouds carry Helovians from the Veins to the sky.
Restoration :: We Welcome the Dawn ☼ - 9/21/13 - The sun has finally risen on this day, giving the land new light, but the Time God and the Sun God have yet to be seen.
Endless Night :: Broken Magic Plot ☼ - 8/30/13 - The earth god has returned and is walking across Helovia to heal the land. Every area can now be considered lush and prosperous, but the sun has still not risen.
☼ - 7/19/13 - The moon has risen in the sky, heralding the return of the Goddess of the moon. Lamp trees which light the paths have grown brighter, moon flowers which grow in dark places have begun to grow and prosper and the world is brighter, filled with a new hope.
Endless Night :: Dead Magic Plot ☼ - 6/22/13 - The gods of Helovia, in order to protect the world, have disappeared into the rift, leaving the world sunless, moonless and magic-less in their absence. Only the herdlands have a source of light, but lamp-trees with glowing leaves and branches sporadically line the popular roads and paths from place to place.
Doppleganger Plot ☼ - 6/20/13 - The God of Time is still struggling to close the rift though which the dopplegangers have come. He has requested that his brothers and sister assist in closing this hole, but without knowing why it opened, the task is proving difficult. Magic still remains faulty and hard to control, but the herdlands continue to be places of refuge for those who are fortunate enough to call these lands home.
ORANGEMOON cools off the lands with a a viscious force. Colder than normal, a sign of things to come during Frostfall, Helovia is bathed in a rich tropical lushness - albiet a cold one. The coastlines of the Dragon's Throat are pelted constantly by tidal waves, and the desert climate is humid but chilly. Ice begins to form early in the Aurora Basin leaving the winding trails slick and dangerous. The mists of the World's Edge coat everything in a glistening crystalline shine which encourages mould to grow everywhere. The Spectral Marsh is the only area which remains fertile, blissfully temperature and lush.
Cotm
Character of the Month for
June, 2017
WEAVER, Corporal of the Aurora Basin, is a relatively recent addition to Helovia and has taken it by storm. Branded with the seal of Death on her chest, intrigue and interest follow both her past and present. Though she is assuredly beautiful, her sometimes sharp personality reveals that there is more to this uni-peg hybrid than meets the eye. Proving herself able on the battlefield in the Basin’s warrior ranks, we can’t wait to see her test her mettle against the looming Kaos happenings! Congratulations!
Helovia RPG was created by Tamme and Blu and coded by Tamme also known as Schwartze. All coding, palettes and imagery are copyrighted to the website and are not for use outside of Helovia. Thank you to our ServerMaster for hosting Helovia. A special thanks goes to Neo for all of her coding help and fixing Tamme's errors, Boom, for her loyal service and creation of the Time God, and to Ali for her consistent contributions and dedication.
To practice her flying, Alysanne always left the Edge. She wasn’t willing to tell anyone else except for Lyanna about this little secret activity of hers, not yet. It would be a surprise for her sister and, frankly, no one else there really needed to know. Not until she actually managed to land and take off without much trouble, until it looked like she had been flying all her life and not stubbornly rooting herself to the earth and refusing to leave it.
She didn’t want to tell anyone else because she did not want to have to explain why she rooted herself, why she ignored the wings she had been given. She wasn’t afraid of heights, wasn’t even afraid of falling from them. She didn’t even know the full reason why. She had pieces here and there - she simply liked being close to the earth, where the nutrients from her hooves could be of use to the earth there, the earth she had grown to love from her father.
And here on the ground, with her wings folded, she would show no one the scars and reminders of a battle she lost long ago with a demon - scars as old as the ones on her sister Iona’s flesh. The pink, mangled flesh of her wing joint wasn’t something she cared to show off. It had been healed but the feathers and hair there had never quite grown in again, leaving it bare.
Ever since the memories had come back to her, they haunted her.
She had snuck out this morning (‘snuck’ as though she didn’t have every right to come and go from the Edge as she pleased) early, before the sun rose and made her way down to the beach. By the time she arrived, the first pink and gold rays were just starting to peek over the eastern horizon, over Helovia.
Hemlock left her to hunt the mosquitos and bounty of water insects in the area but stayed close, looping around the waves and sand alike as he sought the tiny prey.
Instead of picking up her practicing right away, Alysanne waded into the sea until the gentle waves lapped around her knees - facing away from the rising sun and watching instead the receding night on the western horizon. She had never felt a particular pull to the sea, always her heart rested in the forests and meadows of the earth, but today the clear sky and calm ocean was soothing to her and she welcomed it, the light of the rising sun just starting to touch her and the waves around her.
06-14-2016, 03:29 PM (This post was last modified: 06-14-2016, 03:30 PM by Voodoo.)
The ocean had always been a point of interest for you, especially in your adolescent years. You have visited these same shores many times, making your way down the entire coast a time or two before the earth softened and began to grow dark and eerie in the swamps. It could have easily taken your life, the ocean. 'Do you remember?' we whispered, dragging up images of the dark waters and heavy clouds that hid the moon and stars from the inhabitants of the Earth. You had been standing belly deep, your body simply a hollow shell, carrying only the weight of your demons. Depression had been clinging to your throat for weeks, each day it's grasp growing tighter and tighter until it hurt to breathe.
You were a sleepwalking monster.
But the little girl, the one with the pesky questions and the heart that was too big for her own good found, she found you before you could dive in any deeper. She babbled and splashed into the frigid winter water; her little body would have been washed out by one rough wave, and you were not worth her risking her life.. you never have been and never will be. You had to drive her off by pushing her little body out of the waves before they took the wrong life. The night was long and cold, spent wide awake and shivering hard enough to make your teeth rattle in your skull.
But now it was all different: you manage your depression and have learned to ignore us no matter how loud we scream. Ouija had been your saving grace, and so had becoming a father. You could only hope that Ryuu would turn out better than you have, and hopefully the hybrid mare with the red eyes raised him right. In the back of your mind you know that Ouija is more your child than Ryuu has ever been.
The sun broke through the morning clouds, their rays already warming the white sand and waking the small, plump, brown birds in their dry grass nests. Ouija rode stretched out on your back, her right hind leg hanging over your side while her face stayed buried in your hair. She napped heavily, occasionally twitching her little black toes and flexing her small paws. Gentle breezes passed through the trails in the sand dunes just hard enough to rustle the tall shoots of ocean foliage. The path lead you up the beach, toward the Grove that you had so little knowledge of. Soon enough, it spit you out on the shore just beside a small creek that cut straight from the dunes to the calm ocean.
The white fox finally stirred, a squeaky yawn causing one ear to turn back and listen to the creature awake. "Good morning." you called back to the canine as she grumbled and stretched. Front legs reached out on either side of your withers before she nearly lost her balance, big black eyes opening to nothing but a curtain of hair and muted sunlight. Tiny claws gripped your hide unsuccessfully and she toppled off of your left side to land on her back and she flailed in the air for a split second. The impact knocked the air from her lungs, resulting in a rough "huff" noise that made you laugh.
"Are you okay?" you stopped, turning your haunches away from the child as she rolled to her feet and grumbled in her head. 'I'm fine.' The sass in her voice could have turned her nose up for her if she had allowed it. A smile danced on your matte lips and the laughter remained to soften your features. Ouija scanned the beach and a pink tongue wetted her dark lips. 'Is that-' the kit sniffed the air, big ears tipping backward as she did so. 'your friend? Aly?' the name came to her from your memories.
Curious, you looked as well, glossy eyes narrowing as if it would help you decipher whether or not the pegasus at the edge of the water was Alyssane or not. Light glinted off of the water and cast a dark shadow on the woman in the ocean. "....Possibly?" you mutter. Naturally, Ouija had already started plodding down the beach, little paws trotting happily toward who may just be a stranger. Long legs reached out in short strides, a peppy trot catching up with the fox quicker than she had expected. Upon approaching the woman, the sun did in fact reveal the emerald eyed beauty.
"Aly?" you call, raspy voice full of hope and excitement. Your long tail arched, the curls rippling and bouncing as you moved; maybe if you had a bigger build, you could have been pretty at one point, but you'll always look like a goofy teenager that couldn't catch up with their limbs fast enough. Finally your flaky feet touch the wet sand, the water washing over your toes while you stopped to examine your friend from a comfortable distance.
"Voodoo." 'Ouija.''Voices.'
Ooc: I promise it'll get better, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. c:
@[Alysanne]
Her eyes had shut and she matched her breathing to the gentle swell of the ocean as it lulled her into a sense of peace, however temporary it may end up being.
And soon enough, a raspy voice interrupted Alysanne’s thoughts, pushing them so far out of her mind that she forgot about them as soon as she turned to spy a familiar form approaching from down the beach. “Voodoo!” His name was welcome to her tongue once more, too long she had gone without speaking it, and the smile that appeared on her face was one like how she used to be - before anger had caused her to burn. A different warmth spread through her now, memories of him easily replacing the darkness that had been brewing moments ago. Iona had told her she needed to learn how to deal with the anger, to accept it, but Alysanne had to admit that avoiding it, even temporarily, made her heart lighter.
But, perhaps, that was just the company that was distracting her on this early morning.
From the dark horizon she turned toward the light, toward the maroon and black stallion. With grace and excitement she turned around fully and moved toward him where he stopped in the shallows, not minding the salt water that splashed around her as she did so. Her green eyes were bright as she reached out her muzzle to touch his in a gentle greeting.
Her previous boldness in their greetings, when she might step closer and be more forward with her hello, seemed to have faded and she hesitated - uncertain in the time that had separated them even as her stomach gave a familiar flutter. “My dear Voodoo.” She breathed these words against his skin, soft with the weight of the others contained within them (how she had missed him, how she was glad to see him again) before withdrawing to look him over. A habit and instinct as she checked him for injuries, for anything amiss. “Have you been well?” Dozens of questions wanted to spring to her lips but she contented herself with this one to start, her green eyes focusing on his as she sought the answers.
Hemlock, meanwhile, soared back and swooped down with the intention of tugging lightly on Ouija’s tail by way of greeting the little fox.
06-15-2016, 01:18 PM (This post was last modified: 06-15-2016, 01:19 PM by Voodoo.)
“Voodoo!” the Moon Doctor called back, the ocean spray glinting around her playfully in the dull sunlight. When you finally reached the water's edge, she emerged from the sea like a goddess, the salty droplets rolling down her long, pale legs. It took a moment of gawking before you could force your dead eyes to find the lively green ones that made the woman who she is. "My dear Voodoo." Her breath was warm and inviting as she reached out to nearly touch your bloodied chops. We tugged roughly at our make-believe shirt collars, feeling the tension that built in your gut. Dual toned ears perked forward and you arched your long neck to appear slightly taller, looking down at the pegasus with a delicate smile. She smelled so earthy and clean, like she always had, but the time apart had dulled everything about your dear friend - her smile, her smell, her sweet voice.. but you'd never forget those eyes.
It had only been a few seconds of staring that made your guts churn and flutter all at the same time, but it had felt like forever. Finally, Alysanne pulled your head from your dick and brought you back to the present, asking how you had been... how had you been? The years that you had been gone were nothing more than bleak, though educational. You had tried to work with your gift as much as possible, but it's difficult to gain patients when you're nearly too nervous to touch them. "I've been, fine. It's been a long time bea- Alysane." 'ALMOST, HE ALMOST SAID IT! HE CHOKED!' we all cackled at your weak attempt to validate the admiration you had always had for the fellow Doctor.
"What about you? You look.. good, as always." If you could rub the back of your neck and crack your knuckles like a scared teenage boy, you would.
Ouija's ears flopped backwards at the sound of approaching wings, her tail lifting away from the sands for a moment. Her slobbery tongue immediately fell from her black-lined jaws and big ears perked up, hard eyes finding the owl in the air. She chattered in small canine-cries, prancing at your feet but watching Hemlock, hoping to play. Her tail poked straight out, fluffing out slightly as she was so easily excitable.
It had been years ago since they had met, Voodoo and Alysanne.. it had been the same day that Ouija decided it was time to join this world and emerge from her egg. You remembered the stink of Rostislav's drink on his breath, the scent swirling around the stuffy cave that you had taken to. Was it the same room that the rock water fountain was displayed in? Or perhaps it was the room with the glowing moss? A visit to the caves was needed soon.. hopefully it's still there. Regardless of whether it still stood below ground or not, having been funneled into the caves like mice running from a storm was the best thing that had ever happened to you. You had not only found and hatched Ouija, but had also made great friends in the process.
That was something you'd always be thankful for, because they all brought back your sanity, whether they knew it or not.
"Voodoo." 'Ouija.''Voices.'
Ooc: *Facepalm* Duh. Lol. They make me smile like crazy, they're sooo cuute! @Alysanne
It had been a while but this felt familiar all the same. Those were the same maroon eyes looking at her, after all, and the same perpetual look of youth about him that she adored - as though the hardships of the world did not land on him for long. If only he would be so lucky! “I’m glad it hasn’t been so long that you may have forgotten me.” She teased gently, although - of course - she was glad.
The compliment from him brought a delighted smile to her eyes and her wings shuffled slightly. She should chide herself for practically preening at the drop of a ‘you look good’, as if she were some lovestruck filly, but it had come from him so she didn’t mind. “You’re sweet as ever.” But her light laughter died when it came her turn to answer that dreaded question. “I’ve… well I haven’t been that great, really...” Alysanne had never been very good at lying and sometimes it was easier to not to. But even as she said it, she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about it. How could she possibly sum up the last few years? The invasion, the crumbling of her home, the battle with this terrible emotion called anger, the absence of her children… She wanted nothing more than to be able to tell Voodoo that all had been well, to enchant him with stories from the Edge, but it was too big of a lie to start off their reunion with. And explaining all of it - well, that just wouldn’t be polite either.
She had fond memories of standing with him by the heart, sharing pieces of their souls, and she didn’t want to tarnish them.
“But I’m doing better now.” She added truthfully, hoping to end the matter there, before reaching out to tug lightly on his mane - once more letting that smile play across her face and chase away the shadows.
Her gaze shifted momentarily to watch Hemlock as he welcomed Ouija’s invitation to play and hooted back at her as he half hopped, half flew along the sand to invite her to chase him.
Alysanne wanted to join them, wanted to dance in the waves and laugh and forget, but she didn’t feel light enough yet - and feared if she’d try she would be weighed down before long. “Do…” But she faltered, not really sure what she was going to ask, as her eyes moved back to the stallion before her. “Uh, will you walk with me?” She didn't like this uncertainty that was settling on her - it wasn't like her not to know what next to say. But perhaps the movement would help?
The laugh, the fluttering wings, oh they made you weak at the knees. But you stood as still as possible, subconsciously working on your awkward shuffling that's become more of a tic than a distraction. "You're sweet as ever." she giggled, the lightheartedness infecting you. When you change directions, asking how she had been, her soft laughter faded and you could almost feel the question press on your painted friend. "I’ve… well I haven’t been that great, really..." Concern rolled over your features, brows tugging down over mute eyes and lips tightening. "But I'm doing better now." she added, clearly trying to not dive too deeply into a new conversation.
Finally you nodded, the look still painted onto your face, hopefully making it clear that you were concerned. Dark lips reached out, tugging on the wavy ends on your mane softly. You smiled warmly at your friend, pushing out gently with a rummy nose to try to brush her own. What would upset Alysanne? Your brain casually pulled possibilities to the surface, each one of them revolving around how selfless the Doctor can be; had it been a failed relationship? Perhaps a medical issue that hadn't been resolved. Whatever it be, you wanted to know the burden that she seemed to be carrying.
Meanwhile, Ouija eyeballed the bird with huge pupils, her butt now raised and swaying side to side like a panther on the hunt. Hemlock chirped, bouncing around on the sand, finally at her height. Timing the owl's hops, she finally pounced forward with big paws stretched out, landing hard on the sand just to hop wildly to the right, tossing her little head around while her tongue slapped the sides of her face and wobbled everywhere. Small growls and yips leaving her body each time she hit the ground again from the previous bounce.
The companions caught your attention for a moment, a smile beginning to dance on your lips before Alysanne stumbled over her words. Your ears pressed forward, eyes readjusting and finding the paint's. "Do.. - Uh, will you walk with me?" "Of course." a nod allowed your thick forelock to slightly bounce while you spoke. Cracked feet shifted to face down the beach - they could walk for hours and speak if need be as long as they headed down the sands. Curly tail - tangles and all - swayed back and forth, brushing the backs of your legs and billowing out in a breeze before settling back down. Had you been a mare, you'd be a pretty little dainty thing.
You usually just spoke aloud to Ouija, letting her reply in your heads, but this time you worked the magic of your bond, asking her to tag along but not stay beneath your heels like usual. Her distracted teenage mind barely heard you, but responded with 'Yeah, got it.' before she jumped to the left like a springy cat.
Unsure of how to start the conversation - but still curious - you walked slowly, dragging long toes on the sand and listening to your joints and bones pop and moan as you moved. "I'm always here to listen, Aly." your voice was hushed and gentle, eyes searching for hers after you spoke. "If you want." and matte lips reached out again to tug back at her mane as she had yours.
You only wanted your friend to be comfortable and happy.
Hemlock returned Ouija’s yips with his own hoots - excitable ones each time she got close and joined him in his bouncing along. Occasionally the owl made a show of walking for a little bit - his tiny talons gripping at the sand as he waddled forward, before fluttering upward again but no more than a foot or so. He was enjoying this childish behaviour, enjoying the game, and was happy to leave Alysanne to her own thoughts while he and Ouija entertained each other.
Alysanne smiled warmly at Voodoo as he accepted the invitation to walk, and extended his own - offering to listen to her as they fell into step beside each other - an easy and slow gait. “Thank you, my dear.” And even though she was the one who suggested walking, she wanted nothing more than to stand still in that moment - to press her head into his skin and get lost in the wild curls of his mane, forgetting everything else. But she contented herself with a small laugh for him instead as her pale legs carried her forward and he tugged on her mane in a playful echo of their previous movements.
Her gaze shifted away, to the ocean and the brightening sky, and more steps passed in silence before she found her voice again. “I just… I don’t even know how to say it, or to explain.” She just didn’t talk about what was bothering her - she was always there to listen for others but when it came down to needing someone (or figuring out if she needed someone) to listen Alysanne was quite at a lost for what to do. “Everything has changed in these last few years and I no longer feel as though I can handle the change. It feels as though I am becoming lost - as though I don’t fit with what things are now in my home.” Change seemed like as simple of a way to put it without diving into the details.
She remembered so clearly the warm feeling of something new and exciting budding within her, an undeniable affection for the stuttering, beautiful stallion from the Throat. For he was indeed beautiful to her - the wild tangle of his mane, his soft voice, right down to his chipped hooves. And now still, her stomach fluttered ridiculously at his touch and his proximity, at her own words and how foolish they might sound to him.
But would he still be interested in being friends with her as she was now? An older, angrier version of herself - surely she wouldn't be as fun to be around. It was easiest for her to feel the difference when she was with someone who knew her before. Here, walking along the beach with Voodoo, she felt ashamed of who she had become. Did it show in her eyes when he looked into them, now that her smile had faded? The shadows of self doubt that had not existed there last time, flitting across those summer-green eyes as they were inevitably drawn back to him again.
“I’m a ghost of the mare you first met in the caves.”
"Thank you my dear." She could have whispered or shouted the words and they'd still make your heart flutter. Surely you would never grow tired of the Doctor's sweet pet names. You moved as a pair, your steps naturally matching for a moment here and there before you hesitated or your toe drug for just a second too long. The silence no longer lingered, but shrouded you both like a dark cloud; Alysanne was never so quiet and.. distant. Is that the correct word? You could feel her old soul that never had a chance to bound in childhood, and it was aching. She needed someone, just as much as everyone else needed her.
"I just… I don’t even know how to say it, or to explain." Your eyes found hers once more, no longer distracted by your own thoughts that revolved around just her. "Everything has changed in these last few years and I no longer feel as though I can handle the change. It feels as though I am becoming lost - as though I don’t fit with what things are now in my home." You drew in her words very seriously, rolling each one of them over and over again in your head to find the correct response. You knew plenty about change and how it could effect one in a whole. Helovia had watched you mold into three completely different beings before you finally had become the man you are now.
Just as you found a few words to begin with, the woman added more. "I’m a ghost of the mare you first met in the caves."
Suddenly you danced forward in hopes of cutting Alysanne off, heavy tail arching and flicking as you pranced and swung your hindquarters away to face the woman head-on, noses just inches from each other by the time you stopped. "We were just kids. Of course you're not the same person I met.. you're a woman now." Dual colored ears pressed forward, eyes watching the paint carefully. "Listen.." you started, your tone hushed and comforting. Unsure of exactly where to go first, you sighed heavily, eyes closing tight for a moment before opening to find the comforting green. "I get it, change is.. well, scary. You are a strong, very strong woman Alysanne."
Long toes shift to broaden your stance, your head swirling with thoughts and ideas and unsure words. Why can't you just tell her what's going on in your head? Will you sound selfish? No, she would never take it that way.
"I, uh.. I haven't always been who I am now. When I was younger, I.. well, my first home was in the Basin, where there were no pegasus or equines allowed. I was.. well, I was pretty twisted I guess you could say." you paused, wanting to tell your friend about us, about how we raised you and how we have limped you along through life. Alysanne wouldn't be the kind to judge you for that.. would she? No, this isn't the time, this isn't about you. "Anyway.. I grew from that phase, and I tried to be compassionate. It was hard, because I've been.. sick, for a long time. I did it though. And I wanted to die, and I couldn't handle it, but I kept going. Then I met you, and a few other friends, and Ouija came along.." you trailed off, your eyes gradually falling to Alysanne's pale legs and pretty little round feet as you spoke.
You had so much to say, but what should you tell her now and what should you save? How do you tell your friend that she's been so selfless that she's tiring herself out? "I guess my point is life gets hard and you do get angry, but you have to push and I promise it gets.. better, the harder you work for it."
Big empty eyes looked up again, searching for any understanding of your rambling in her eyes. "I'll do whatever I have to, to make you happy." Why wouldn't the remaining words string into a sentence? You had so much more to tell her and you wanted so badly to reassure the woman that she would make it through this issue - as long as she wanted to - but your brain wouldn't allow it to come out.
06-29-2016, 08:44 PM (This post was last modified: 06-29-2016, 08:44 PM by Alysanne.)
we heal with love,
When Voodoo moved quickly to block her way after she spoke, Aly released a small snort of surprise as she skidded to a stop in the soft sand. The pace of her heart quickened but it was not just their proximity that was having this effect - a brief moment of fear clouded her mind. Memories of another face being shoved in hers as a shouting match began had her instincts put her on the defensive - her black ears starting to flick back as she prepared…. For what?
She didn’t even get the chance to finish any of the thoughts racing through her mind because it all lasted just the short moment before he spoke, before she remembered who she was with - not a rage-filled tyrant but someone she had only ever known to be sweet and kind. Someone she didn’t have to fear.
She relaxed - that brief moment of fear evaporating from her as quickly as it had crashed down. It was impossible to feel afraid as he spoke to her so earnestly, willing her to listen. And she did, her green eyes remained on him, giving him her full attention.
Voodoo explained his change but he had changed for the better hadn’t he? She hadn’t known him back then but it was hard to imagine him being twisted, the unspoken echoes of racism against equine and pegasi that the Basin might have fostered in him. How much had he participated in such things? The dropping of the word ‘sick’ stirred Alysanne and she almost interrupted to ask him to explain, but she wouldn’t interrupt his train of thoughts now.
His eyes were empty but when he looked back up at her after staring at the sand, she fancied saw the sunrise in them - full of hope and life. Her own started to gloss with tears that would not yet fall as he said he would do whatever he had to to make her happy. If she wanted the help.
“But what… what if who I am now…” Although she trailed off, she didn’t (couldn’t) look away from his face when she whispered the next few words. “Isn’t someone you’d like?” It was bigger than this, too - went beyond Voodoo. What if her family - her daughter, her son, sister and friends - no longer cared for her now that she lingered in sadness and anger? Surely this new Alysanne wasn’t fun to be around, she had expertly turned a wonderful reunion into a tale of remorse.
“I want your help, Voodoo.” She reached through that small space between them to touch her muzzle to his face, brushing softly against the dark skin. Wanting nothing more than to step even closer and embrace him. One of the biggest changes she missed was her confidence, the peppering of friendly and warm touches and embraces into any conversation. Now she hesitated, now she felt doubt. She pulled back to look at him once more when she tried to sort out the mess in her head and explain it. “But I don’t know what can be done. If this is just who I am, if I’ve changed, I don’t know how to just accept that, you know?” Alysanne didn’t like this new, older mare. She was bitter, angry, untrusting, and rarely got anything productive done. She longed for the carefree, confident mare she had left behind - that still existed in small pieces here and there. “How do I know if I’m changing for the better, if I’m growing, or if I’m turning into something… twisted?” She borrowed his word, not knowing how else to describe it - thinking it might be the easiest way to form her question.
Your feet shifted uncomfortably after you came around to face the painted Doctor, rummy eyes focused on her gaze, but not failing to notice the woman's reaction. Your heart, already having a difficult time with the situation, wanted to drop further into your stomach at the realization that someone had done this to your friend...
Someone must have broken her spirit.
The Alysanne you had met was bubbly, excitable, ears perked and smile on her lips at any given moment. And as much as she wanted to be that Alysanne still, life had another idea. "But what… what if who I am now… Isn't someone you'd like?" Her eyes began to gloss with tears, the sun rays glinting off of the quivering liquid. Dark ears turned back, brows still pulled down over your eyes. "There's nothing in this world that could make me dislike you Alysanne."
Her soft nose reached out toward you. "I want your help Voodoo." Her skin brushed yours again, the heat flushing into your face. You breathed her in silently, dark eyes nearly sliding shut as you softly leaned into the touch. Whether you can accept it or not, you know that if this woman wanted to call you her own, you'd be the happiest man in the world. The moment could have lasted forever, but Alysanne needed to get this burden off of her shoulders.
"But I don’t know what can be done. If this is just who I am, if I’ve changed, I don’t know how to just accept that, you know?" she paused, but you knew better than to interrupt her thoughts. You could only imagine what was going on in her head, what she could be telling herself and making herself believe. We know how easily that can work on someone. "How do I know if I’m changing for the better, if I’m growing, or if I’m turning into something… twisted?" Dull eyes peered down at the earth for a brief moment, a heavy breath settling in your chest as you sifted through your brain for the right words.
"Being angry is never for the better. I.. I hate to see you upset, but I don't think you're.. well, I don't think you're headed that way either." you emphasized on "that", hoping she would connect it with the dark path she had mentioned. "It's going to be hard, but you have to learn to let it out in the right ways. And you can't bottle it up, that makes it worse." Casually we drift into your thoughts; you have finally gotten nearly full control over us, but we will always linger in the back of your mind. But why had be popped up in the first place? Anger? Fear? Loneliness? Likely all of the above, but regardless, we're here.
You can't let this happen to Aly though.
"What upsets you the most?" You ponder out loud, not looking for an exact answer, but allowing the Doctor to possibly dive deeper into her thoughts; to be able to see behind the sign that just told her "you're angry, so you're angry at the world". "That you're angry, or that you don't know how to.. work with your anger. Are you just confused?" You wanted to pick her brain for her own good. You have us to do that and to sift through your thoughts, but who does she have?
As always, Voodoo the kind, Voodoo the sweet, was ready with words that made her stomach do flips. But even now, as she was enjoying the sound of her name on his tongue, it could not chase away all of the clouds in her mood. A sad smile twisted her expression as he claimed there was nothing in the world that could make him dislike her. “How can you know that?” She whispered back to him, not expecting an answer but feeling the need to say it all the same. While she appreciated the sentiment, it baffled her. What if she had turned into something terrible? What if she was so far gone from the mare he once knew that there was no return and she only continued to slide into a deeper, darker abyss?
She wanted to believe in his view of her so badly - wanted to believe that it was still possible, and not just as a façade around friends who knew her when she was still made of sunlight.
Voodoo was quick to reassure her that she was not heading down as dark of a path as she feared. She listened quietly to his words, kind and wise. Echoes of other conversations that she had experienced where she had glanced upon this subject but they had never lasted long. They had not forced her to face it, to deal with it right in that moment, the way Voodoo was. Despite the fact that she felt terrible for burdening him with this outpouring of her soul, she hoped that it might work - that it might help. He was being too good to her, far too kind, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything that might cause him to move from their current proximity. After so long, she was not ready to be parted from him.
At his questions, she took a moment to consider them before answering as truthfully as she dared. This did not seem like a moment to pretend or to avoid, her natural instinct to protect her friends from unhappy and uncomfortable thoughts. “I… I hate that I can’t control it. My sister told me that anger is natural but it never was for me. And now that it’s here, it’s consuming me and I can't keep up with it. I feel justified in being angry about the things that have been sparking it but… I don’t think I should be holding onto it for this long.” Her green eyes closed as she spoke, as though that alone could hide the tears that were falling freely now. But more than that, they closed as she was trying to concentrate on explaining to him what she was feeling because she believed he could help. Alysanne still could not bring herself to speak above a whisper - these careful confessions and fears that she was spilling to him.
“I don’t understand how people live with this feeling. What is the right way to vent it?” Without having experienced true anger for most of her life, she never learned that skill. And now it felt too late.
Finally, she opened her desolate eyes again and regarded him across the short distance between them. “Are you ever angry, Voodoo?”
Truly, there was nothing in your mind that Alysanne could do to drive you away, but you could feel the wall being built around her heart, her response surely stacking it higher and higher. "How can you know that?" she squeaked, her voice small and weak. "Because you're too good of a person to let this control you." The words rushed from your mouth, rough voice still gentle, but pressed. You couldn't allow this woman to think so badly of herself; that will be half of the battle. Finally, you made the Doctor dig into her own head.
"I… I hate that I can’t control it. My sister told me that anger is natural but it never was for me." You blinked quietly, listening and watching as she finally opened up and began to explain what it felt like to her. It was odd to think that someone could go most of their lifetime without experiencing true anger. It was nearly impossible to keep a level head when you were younger, your temper shifting and swaying around like a piece of trash in rough waters. Still, you listened to Alysanne's explanations, her voice seemed distance and lost, but you took in each word seriously, worry now scribbled onto your long face. Something awful must have happened. She even said that her anger is justified, but what was it? You needed to know, not for your own selfish reasons - even though you were curious - but to be able to grasp a deeper understanding of where the anger was stemming from.
The conversation had settled into a hushed tone, but surely any living thing around the two of you could feel the emotions radiating off of each of you. After you spoke, you tilted your skull to the right, eyes still stuck on the painted woman. "I don’t understand how people live with this feeling. What is the right way to vent it?" Clenching your jaw and swallowing hard, your ears turned back slightly, the breeze that began pushing steadily off of the ocean cooling your hot face. Earthy eyes opened once more, the life reappearing on her face all at once. "Are you ever angry, Voodoo?"
You nodded your head twice, straightening back up and stretching your neck for a moment as you thought, your spine popping quietly with the movement. "Yes. I get angry. I used to always be angry. That.. Well, you probably are just as angry as I was once." You paused, taking a deep breath in order to regain your thoughts. "But I had to face my problems head on," we chuckled, catching the pun that you had not intentionally made but had nailed. "and I figured out how to control myself." If only we had a drum set.. *Bum bum, tsssss*
"I think you need to start by facing the first issue, big or small... And, I want to help, if I can. If you want."
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
![[Image: alysanne_by_schwartze-d89se15.png]](http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/348/8/6/alysanne_by_schwartze-d89se15.png)
![[Image: 5389e9aca8b63]](http://images.helovia.net/index.php/view/5389e9aca8b63)
