we heal with love,

When Voodoo moved quickly to block her way after she spoke, Aly released a small snort of surprise as she skidded to a stop in the soft sand. The pace of her heart quickened but it was not just their proximity that was having this effect - a brief moment of fear clouded her mind. Memories of another face being shoved in hers as a shouting match began had her instincts put her on the defensive - her black ears starting to flick back as she prepared…. For what?

She didn’t even get the chance to finish any of the thoughts racing through her mind because it all lasted just the short moment before he spoke, before she remembered who she was with - not a rage-filled tyrant but someone she had only ever known to be sweet and kind. Someone she didn’t have to fear.

She relaxed - that brief moment of fear evaporating from her as quickly as it had crashed down. It was impossible to feel afraid as he spoke to her so earnestly, willing her to listen. And she did, her green eyes remained on him, giving him her full attention.

Voodoo explained his change but he had changed for the better hadn’t he? She hadn’t known him back then but it was hard to imagine him being twisted, the unspoken echoes of racism against equine and pegasi that the Basin might have fostered in him. How much had he participated in such things? The dropping of the word ‘sick’ stirred Alysanne and she almost interrupted to ask him to explain, but she wouldn’t interrupt his train of thoughts now.

His eyes were empty but when he looked back up at her after staring at the sand, she fancied saw the sunrise in them - full of hope and life. Her own started to gloss with tears that would not yet fall as he said he would do whatever he had to to make her happy. If she wanted the help.

“But what… what if who I am now…” Although she trailed off, she didn’t (couldn’t) look away from his face when she whispered the next few words. “Isn’t someone you’d like?” It was bigger than this, too - went beyond Voodoo. What if her family - her daughter, her son, sister and friends - no longer cared for her now that she lingered in sadness and anger? Surely this new Alysanne wasn’t fun to be around, she had expertly turned a wonderful reunion into a tale of remorse.

“I want your help, Voodoo.” She reached through that small space between them to touch her muzzle to his face, brushing softly against the dark skin. Wanting nothing more than to step even closer and embrace him. One of the biggest changes she missed was her confidence, the peppering of friendly and warm touches and embraces into any conversation. Now she hesitated, now she felt doubt. She pulled back to look at him once more when she tried to sort out the mess in her head and explain it. “But I don’t know what can be done. If this is just who I am, if I’ve changed, I don’t know how to just accept that, you know?” Alysanne didn’t like this new, older mare. She was bitter, angry, untrusting, and rarely got anything productive done. She longed for the carefree, confident mare she had left behind - that still existed in small pieces here and there. “How do I know if I’m changing for the better, if I’m growing, or if I’m turning into something… twisted?” She borrowed his word, not knowing how else to describe it - thinking it might be the easiest way to form her question.

alysanne