i am a leaf on the wind

There are no real words for the jumble of emotions that she feels with him. An emptiness where his touch leaves her skin tingling, longing for more. A fullness, where her heart doesn’t know how much more it can take and yet, where it cannot get enough either. A combination of terror and hope that perhaps she could leave Morham to the past, where it belonged. That perhaps, perhaps there was another life waiting for her. That here, in Helovia, she might actually belong.

It’s still so hard (though no longer quite impossible) to she herself as anything but the Princess. The one who kept their allies happy, the one who would be betrothed to kingdom that offered the strongest army in return. The one who, other than with Corbin, was mostly forgotten when her presence wasn’t need. In those sleepy, uncertain hours of the morning when clarity was still a few heartbeats away, she often thought she still woke in the forests of Morham. Often thought her day would be full of batting eyelashes and plastic words.

But then the heartbeats passed, and the mist came into focused, and she remember. Remembered that she called the edge of the world her home. That Morham was a distant place that no one here had ever heard of. That her days were now filled with learning about herbs, with caring for the sick and the injured in the Edge. That everything had changed so much. Though still, she found herself bearing the familiar responsibility of caring for so many on her shoulders. It was a different way of caring here, but the weight felt similar anyway, almost comforting.

And even after having admitted so freely to Apollo her life before her, she finds that the familiar pang of sadness does not come with it. Instead, his amber eyes find hers with understanding. Not pity. It was the last thing she ever wanted, and it wasn’t something she found now. No, it was simply understanding, and warmth, and hope, that she found in those eyes. Her name on his lips takes her breath away for a moment, the way it’s breathed into this world so gently, so briefly.

Her own breath meets his as he touches her once again, and his now familiar smell and that familiar heat hit her with a rush. She lets her eyes close for a moment before opening them again, content to revel in the sincerity of that touch, the comfort that comes with it that she never could have imagined. That still, after years of being treated as something to trade, she cannot entirely imagine. Is she even allowed to feel this way?

Yes. It is her life now. Entirely hers. But still, she finds that fear and uncertainty and desire all twist in her gut.

His words ring in her ears, because she knows all too well how true they are. She doesn’t say anything in return, but her smile is quiet, and it’s the best response she can offer. She doesn’t have words eloquent enough to reply. But thankfully, he doesn’t require a response. Instead, his head swings away (though again, that pang and tingle in her skin where his touch disappears), inviting her for a walk. Her smile widens, taking on less of a nostalgic feel, and she takes a few steps forward to join him. “I’d love to. It’s a beautiful evening, after all. What better way to spend it than with such good company?”

And what a beautiful evening it was. The sky was clear, slowly lighting on fire with the setting sun. The air was warm from Tallsun, but the breeze from the ocean was cool. The waves lapped against the shoreline, the sound rhythmic and calming. And somehow, against all odds, she’d found Apollo again. Who knew how long till they saw each other again. She’d take what time she could get.

watch how i soar.

lyanna