I know it wasn't your fault, Gaucho. That's the point. I never held that against you. He looked at her flabbergasted, wanting to shake her like the porcelain doll she often appeared to be and scream into her ears the stupidity of her own words. But of course his mouth and tongue did not have the tools to do so, so instead he looked at her with numb misapprehension. If it wasn't Gaucho's fault, you can't hold it against him. She didn't hold this storm against him, did she? No! Because that was out of his control, just as half of her accusations weren't.

Though she denied that she was blaming him for anything, it certainly sounded like she was. It sounded like a long laundry list of things that she had indeed forgiven him for, but perhaps only in words. The bitterness with which she struck him with each and every fault, of his own making or not, sounded as though they came from a place still black with pain. Is that what had always driven her away? Had driven her into Kaj's open wings and secret places? That she had never really forgiven him?

Because if she had, she wouldn't be using his past transgressions as a way to justify her own actions.

I love you, Gaucho. I never would have left you - or Zeno, or Rhoa, or Ivezho, or Aelin, or Hawke - I never would have left any of you on purpose The dun shook his antlered head. You have to know that."No. Gaucho not know that." He said, and though his voice was low and stern, it was not flung towards her the way his past mutterings had been. This was honesty, not an attack. But it was true. She said that she hadn't left them willingly, but then why? Her reasons for leaving were fuzzy in his mind, and yet ... yet.. It hadn't just happened once, as it had with him. And twice when she had returned, it had been into the arms of others rather than his own. "Soh say she not leave on purpose. But Soh also not come back home. Back to family. Soh go to others first." His head shook, unable to reconcile the facts as they were, but not wanting to argue with her about their past anymore either.

Their words didn't change what had been long blown away by the sands of time.

-- I never asked you to wait forever. I returned and I thought you had moved on.

-- I thought you have found someone else.

-- I would have wanted you to choose. Me or her.

Gaucho's dark lips opened, trying to find a point to interrupt the poetic lilt of her words. Finally, he spoke, his voice a sombre and low growling sort of sound. The type of sound indicative of the more purest type of regret. "You should have asked." He said simply. She should have asked him to wait forever: he would have - should have asked if he had found someone else, what choice he would have made. She should have asked, but she didn't.

"Soh say never leave on purpose, but you never come back to Gaucho. You get news from our son, a boy, and not talk to Gaucho. You say you afraid to let Gaucho choose, but that becuase you never let Gaucho choose. You decide to let Gaucho 'stay happy', you decide to stay away, you decide to 'let Gaucho be happy without Soh'." His voice began to rise, emotion lacing every word, punctuated by the way the raindrops fell off of his lips as he spoke. Lightning flashed and the heartache and endless sadness in his eyes was clearly visible, painted on every line and every curve of his face.

"You not even try to ask." He said after a moment. And that's why this is your fault.