THROW THE BAIT, CATCH THE SHARK, BLEED THE WATER RED FIFTY WORDS FOR MURDER AND I'M EVERY ONE OF THEM The dragons see her first; their sharp eyes spy her through the darkness, but Volterra growls his disgust as they lend him their vision in order to observe her approach. I've told you, I do not want your help this time, he warns them; they reluctantly narrow their mental bond with him, so as not to share their sight with him anymore. Normally he welcomes the use of their senses, but not tonight. If he is to recover from the humiliation that was his half-blind flailing against Seanan, then he needs to fight without the help of his dragons again and again and again until he no longer requires his eyes or their eyes to win. He needs to steel himself and train himself until he can fell an opponent even in the blackest night; until any foe who thinks they can take him down under cover of darkness will meet their death for their sins. Alas, this time it's too late; he cannot un-see the mare's approach, and the dragons flare their wings and depart before they have to face their bonded's ire. The leviathan squints, narrowing his eyes against the gloom to try and make out his new opponent's features; he sees white wings and a white mane, which help him piece together the rest of her body. She's smaller than him, which he immediately files away in the back of his mind. His greater size and weight would normally swing any fight in his favour, but between the close-knit trees where he can't get up much momentum, these natural assets are somewhat nullified. His earth-crushing body slams are usually his key to victory, but given the towering trees that surround them, he won't be able to get up enough speed to truly throw his weight around. Still, he is confident. He knows his way around the battlefield now, and this woman looks rather young. Younger than himself, which is unusual. Whereas normally the sight of a mare fills him with unbridled lust, this time he feels only an almost fatherly concern for her. Is it immoral of him to fight against her? Should he stand down, ask for an older, wiser opponent? Ha, no. When he was her age, he fought and killed a giant skeletal monster hellbent on kicking him to death; youth, he knows, is not a barrier to greatness. She has approached him, heeding his cry for a battle - and a battle she will receive. So when she comes at him, he is ready. Well, almost. She lunges upwards with her right forehoof, and the goliath hauls his weight backwards a step as a natural reaction to her advances; as a result, her hoof doesn't make a clean connection with his chest, and only results in a relatively light bruise that doesn't restrict his movement. A grin spreads across his jowls as the thrill of battle begins to pulse steadily through him. Even when he is not truly motivated to fight (such as tonight, when he would much rather be grazing and dozing beneath the starless sky), the moment he feels pain it awakens the beast in him. It awakens the berserker. It awakens the animal, the creature; it awakens the fire in his heart and the steel in his muscles. Euphoria spreads through him as he contemplates the fight ahead, as he's assaulted by such good feeling that he can hardly contain it. This is what battle does to him - reminds him that his life is fucking awesome, that it's spread out ahead of him like the pages of a book, that the world is his to fight, to own, to dominate... She pivots, presenting him with her hindquarters. He's not stupid (at least not in battle), so he takes another step backwards to ensure her thrashing back hooves do not make contact with him. Then he lunges forwards as she turns to face him, hoping to use the accumulated space to his advantage as he attempts to crash his chest into her own. He hopes to knock her backwards, to own her with his weight and perhaps even push her into a tree to create bark-scratches; simultaneously his jaws dart forwards in an attempt to plant a hard bite upon the sensitive tip of her muzzle. He uses his sense of smell moreso than his sight to detect her presence, his nostrils flared to drink in the mare-scent. Perhaps his attacks are too hard, perhaps he should go easy on her because she's young....but then how will she learn? Volterra does not know how to go easy. He is what he is - he fights as if his life depends on it. __________ Teaching spar for @Ru ! 1/3 - 779 words

Spelling/grammar/prose - Your writing is absolutely stunning! This was an amazing post to read, and I really enjoyed it. Some sentences, like 'Easily submersed in the transient shift of her future – dependent on no one, as grounded as an autumn leaf. She swayed and twisted, and gravitated to the nearest star in that headspace galaxy', had me squeeing because they were so good. You're obviously a talented writer so no worries there!

I didn't spot any typos or grammar/spelling errors, which is great. I always say that the easiest way to score points in the judging rubric is to just keep up a consistently good level of spelling/grammar and erase as many errors as you can. Ensuring that all of your posts are proof-read and typo-free means you should score highly in the readability and prose sections, so it's a really good sign that you're already doing this. Great job! :D

Emotion - Ru is a really intriguing character to read, and I definitely got a good sense of her from this post. Phrases like 'He was the shadow, the void; a skull mask with piercing red eyes. The perfect villain to play his part in that childish fantasy of hers; forgetting she would have to ‘hurt’ him too' gave me a good insight into her character - her anxiety but determination shone through. That's the great thing about Helovia's judging rubric; it's not just about being good at the technical fighty bits, because you're also judged on your writing and your ability to liven up an otherwise dull fight with electric prose and character emotion. So you did really well on this front!

Attacks - I loved the idea behind your attacks, and you described them well. However, there were just a few small things I think could be worked on.

The hoof attack to his chest was well described, however I'd have liked to see you explain why she chose to use one hoof and not two. If she was going to do that attack, why not use both hooves for added damage? Or did she do this intentionally, perhaps because it's a friendly spar and a two-hoofed kick would be overboard? Either way, you could have specified why she chose to attack with just one foot rather than both :)

Then, it gets a bit confusing. 'Taking an uncalculated chance, Ru picked up her feet to deflect away from his body – kicking out at his form from behind'. I had to read this a couple of times to try and work out what she was doing. From what I gather, Ru turns fully and kicks out at him with her back legs - if this is the case, you'd have been better off going a bit deeper into the description to explain HOW she turns 360 degrees, so the judge can picture it in their mind and you don't risk losing points for readability. It was very vague how she moved and what her attack actually was. If it was me I'd have said something like 'Taking an uncalculated chance, Ru flung her weight to her left to pivot her body fully around, in an attempt to present him with her backside. She darted forwards, kicking out at him as she did so'.

Also, bear in mind that each fight post is only a few seconds in length. It may not be entirely realistic for her to have been able to hit him with her front hooves, then turn 360 degrees and kick out at him again without him having the opportunity to react inbetween, and then turn to face him again. This could result in a deduction for GM/PP and realism. Multiple attacks per post are good, but try to avoid large amounts of movement - you'd have been better off having her try her foreleg kick and then perhaps a bite, rather than attacking with both sets of legs in one post.

Damage taken - N/A

Other - There's a couple of other things you can do that should earn you some points in spars. First is mentioning your surroundings, and how they'll affect the fight. So, this fight takes place in quite tight trees, in near-darkness. You touched a bit on the darkness part (I loved how you had her locate him by his white parts!) and the trees (when she mentioned using one as a shield) but you could have gone deeper by having her muse over how the conditions will affect her. Will she struggle because she may not be able to use her wings due to the trees? How will she compensate for the darkness?

The other thing is to mention your opponent and their assets. The most obvious thing is their difference in height - she could have mused on how this will affect the range of her attacks. What you can do is look at their base stats (by going to their profiles, then 'fight status', and looking at the top line - the 'Str' 'Spd' line) and compare them. So, Vol has: str 9, spd 5, agl 5, end 6. Ru has str 3, spd 5, agl 5, end 7. This basically means that Vol is a loooot stronger than Ru, so his attacks will hurt more. They're matched in speed and agility, however Ru has the edge in endurance - she could have pondered how this may mean Vol tires first, meaning she might be able to get the advantage near the end of the fight.

Although these things aren't compulsory to include, and you shouldn't squeeze them in if it'll mess up your post, I always find that the judge scores highly for including them :D

Overall though this was a really good first fight post, well done! ^_^