the Rift


black and blue [vol vs ru]

Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#7


THROW THE BAIT, CATCH THE SHARK, BLEED THE WATER RED
FIFTY WORDS FOR MURDER AND I'M EVERY ONE OF THEM

They crash into each other, two creatures of sweat, blood and pain; the impact shudders through him and his own chest gives a feeble quiver of pain at the rebound from the slam. The stallion part of him purrs with delight as his sheer savage power manages to push her backwards into a tree and topple her; the sight of her flailing upon the ground makes every inch of his ego swell with pride.

But there's another part of him that is sickened by the sight, because she is barely older than a girl, younger even than himself. She is an adult, yes, but there is something of the child still about her; she is not yet an object of passion, a vessel for his lust to be directed at. He thinks of his own daughters, and how his rage would decimate any man who knocked them to the ground. His stomach aches and twitches with disgust, because there is nothing to be proud of about upending such a young, obviously inexperienced mare.

He reasons that he's helping her by not going easy on her, that he's showing her the ways of the world by giving her a good and proper beating - any childish delusions that fighting is glamorous and simple will, hopefully, have been thoroughly knocked out of her. This is how he reassures himself that he's done the right thing, that he's helping her as much as he is helping himself (because each battle throws up new challenges for him, challenges he embraces with gusto). She will learn from this, he hopes. Perhaps they will tangle again in a year's time and he will find her battle-hardened and more than a match for him...or maybe this fight will make her rethink any warrior ambitions she has, and she will recede into the ranks of spies or sleuths.

Either way, the goliath's conscience - and his deeply buried sense of chivalry - bids him to stay his blade for now and give her time to get to her feet. There's no glory in attacking a felled opponent, so he seizes the opportunity to snatch at his breath and reaffirm his stance whilst she rises. Then she's turning, and in the limited visibility he can't make out her movements; his first notification of her new position comes when her wing smacks him hard across the face, making a snort of alarm dart from his nostrils at the shock and sudden pain of it. Instinct drives him to recoil backwards, and he scrapes his backside and hocks against the tree that he had swore to remember was there. A thin trail of blood stains his ebony flesh at the impact, and a hiss of frustration erupts from his clenched teeth.

His temper, however, remains firmly sheathed. This fight does not call for his berserker rage, not when there is so little to get angry about. This in itself is unusual for him, as his fury usually fuels his battles, adds force to his blows and steel to his veins. Fighting without it is like fighting without a leg, but he reminds himself that it is more good practice for the future.

In the half-light, he can just about make out her rear hooves which almost crash into his chest; they come close, but his hasty step backwards saves him from the pain that would undoubtedly come from such an attack. Instead, only the very tips of her hooves graze the skin of his chest, hardly even making an impact. The leviathan acts fast, lunging forwards in an attempt to plant a hard bite onto the dock of her tail, where it joins the rest of her body. As an ode to his sympathy towards her, he refrains from any other attacks, which is a rare act of mercy from a man who is not used to such a concept. She has suffered enough, and his bite is simply intended as a coupe de grace, a finishing touch on an already plentiful banquet of agony for her.

He will have to find her a healer, he muses, and see she returns safely to wherever she calls home. Quite why his conscience is so affected by her, he isn't sure, but he's not entirely convinced that he is enjoying his newfound mercy.

__________

Teaching spar for @Ru !

3/3 - 717 words



Spelling/grammar/prose - This section is kinda defunct in this fight because you've done so well in it, but that's a really good thing! You've done brill in this section so I wouldn't worry about this particular part of fighting, it's obvious you're a talented writer so just keep up the good work <3

Emotion - Again, you've done consistently well in this section, which is really good to read! I've enjoyed reading Ru throughout the fight and watching her internal turmoil, which you write out brilliantly. She's been a joy to read and I'd love to have more threads with her in the future!

Attacks - I love bucks, they're a good and effective attack, however as you mentioned in your OOC portion, I'm a bit iffy about whether she would have had room to actually pull off the attack. Given the tightness of the space between them, she'd struggle to turn fully without hitting a couple of trees, and there's the time aspect too - for her to fall over and then manage to stand, turn and buck without giving Vol time to react inbetween could be considered unrealistic.

In addition, bear in mind that, given her injuries, she'd struggle to lift her full weight onto her forequarters in order to buck. This is the sort of thing I meant in my previous set of notes, about damage carrying between posts - she's taken two heavy slams to her chest, so it's bound to be very sore, tender and tight. For her to put her full weight on it to buck, it'd be incredibly painful and perhaps not even possible, depending on how numb it is. So just try to remember stuff like that, as judges will deduct if you do attacks that are unrealistic given your injuries :)

The wing smack was another nice touch - her wings are a valuable asset in a fight, so it's good to see her using them! :D

Damage taken - Vol rolled a 6 in his last post, which is the highest amount of damage you can possibly do (save for a critical hit). Because of this, and combined with his high damage stat, you should probably look to be taking very heavy damage from his previous attack - like broken bones or crippling bruises. You did well reacting to the chest slam, but I'd have liked to see more detail on quite how bad the bruise is on her chest, especially considering she's already got an injury there. To take a 6 amount of damage, it needs to be something that really affects your character for the duration of the fight, so a bruise should be very deep and painful enough to restrict movement and maybe even breathing.

Having her fall over was a good idea, however, and I liked how she took damage from the tree. But with it being such a high roll, you could have really gone into detail about how much pain she's in, and remarked that she won't be able to move properly throughout the rest of the fight. It'll just stop the judge being able to deduct for realism :)

Other - Considering it's your first fight, you've done really well. You've got the writing part down, and Ru is a complex and interesting character to read. It was a good fight, thank you :)

We're almost done - you just need to do something called a closing defence. Basically, you just need to react to my attacks, but not make any of your own. The 800 word limit still applies but it'll probably be smaller than your other posts due to no attacks in it. Once you've done it, I'll PM you some teaching notes on it :D

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]





Messages In This Thread
black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Volterra - 08-03-2016, 03:45 PM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Ru - 08-04-2016, 04:03 AM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Volterra - 08-05-2016, 10:12 AM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Ru - 08-07-2016, 02:58 AM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Volterra - 08-15-2016, 02:05 PM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Ru - 08-26-2016, 03:38 AM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Volterra - 08-29-2016, 02:12 PM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Ru - 08-29-2016, 05:59 PM
RE: black and blue [vol vs ru] - by Time - 09-01-2016, 11:22 AM

Forum Jump:


RPGfix Equi-venture