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08-29-2016, 05:01 PM
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| Strength was not a trait that Sohalia had thought of as something that she possessed. She supposed that she had a fair amount of stupidity, perhaps even a bit of bravery - but she was not strong, had never been strong. How long had it taken her leaning on Gaucho's might to realize that she could never be like him? How long had it taken her watching Ampere and Megaera and all the other warrior maidens of the Throat to realize that she could never live up to them? And when she had finally tried, had finally put herself out there, decided to learn to fight, decided to contribute to her herd in a way that Gaucho would understand and appreciate - well, she had never done it for the right reasons, had she? And, after everything, she had failed. Miserably. But whatever her opinion of herself, whatever her opinion of Ampere, whatever history lay between them, the Transcended was almost ready to leave it dead and buried. What use was it to hate a mare who she could neither confirm nor deny having relations with her once-mate? And how could she still claim him as hers, pretend to have any stake in him, after all that they had said to each other? After all that had come between them? How could she pretend to have any right to the bitterness that threatened to crush her, the anger that threatened to consume her? No, all she had - all she would ever have - was the guilt that overwhelmed her, day in and day out, ebbing and flowing like the waves of the ocean against her soul. She did not expect honesty from the blue, not really - they were all so good at their practiced smiles that she had thought that Ampere would reply in kind. "I am well, thank you for asking. What a lovely day!" But Ampere had never really been what Sohalia had expected. She had expected to hate the darker pegasus, had expected to have to fight her for Gaucho's heart - but now she was just tired, tired and defeated, and she could no more find it in her heart to hold such animosity toward Ampere than she could to hate her children for giving up on her. "Not great," the mare admitted. Join the club, Sohalia thought. Ampere's emotions were those that Sohalia was all too familiar with. She shared a sympathetic look with the blue, mulling over her thoughts before allowing words to spill forth. "They may think they hate you," she admitted flatly, a certain uncharacteristic bluntness to her words. "But they will come around. Mine did - and I left them twice." A sad, faraway look took over the mare's eyes. She had never meant to leave, never disappeared on purpose - but it hardly mattered, did it? She hadn't been here when it had mattered the most, and no amount of rationalizing or apologizing would ever change that. "The herd, too," she added. "They may be suspicious, and it may take a while to earn their forgiveness, but..." She exhaled harshly. Her voice turned bitter. "That's what I keep telling myself, anyway. I don't really know what they think of me now, but... it can't be worse than what I think of myself." She met Ampere's gaze. "And they certainly can't think as badly of you as they do me." She saw Gaucho's anger, his hatred, in her mind's eye. No... Ampere would be welcomed back with open arms in comparison to her own homecoming. "Talk talk talk." |
| Sohalia Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried... |
@Ampere
