She had chased the sun each day, ever westward until the miles were leagues and then even those disappeared beyond counting or significance. Though it was a marvel how far she had come to find her way home again, no sunset in long weeks had held any sense of progress for she still had not been where she wanted to be...where she needed to be. Even this evening, when her hooves found the dry and barren earth of the Dragon's Throat, the sun she had followed still seemed to sink away from her as it set, too distant, still unreachable, like she hadn't found the home she'd left, a home she could never quite reach again. Copper sands still covered the island, but without the pieces of her fractured family upon them they could never shine as bright of feel as warm.

For a shining cycle of the seasons she had felt untouchable; surrounded by her husband and their children, in the Sun's good graces, and wholly content with her world and her realm. Starting with Asavvi it had all come crashing down around the Sunspear's arrogant ears. Her dreamy little daughter had gone missing and almost before the battlemare could blink she had sent off Einarr and Gwaihir in search even as her body had been crippled by the throws of labor. Vastra and Castor had come into the world to be surrounded by Megaera's grief and fear. She had cared for them as best she could during their most vulnerable time but she had been driven half mad with worry and indescribably lessened by her companion's absence. Living without Gwaihir had been nearly impossible. With the eagle's soul and hers tied so tightly, the physical distance that had separated them while her searched the lands beyond Helovia and she remained had felt like a gaping wound. Without half her heart, half her mind, half her soul, she had felt weak and panicky and hollow; a body that could merely exist. As soon as she was able, Meg had gone to fetch him back again. 

To think on that time now was sickening and shameful. In her grief, her drive to get back her daughter and her mate an her companion, she had let down so many others.

Vastra.

Castor.

Nizho.

Mordecai.

Dragon's Throat. 

She had left the care and safety of her four remaining children and her entire herd up to chance. It wasn't her fault (as Gwaihir reminded her now that they had found each other again) that twins had come in the wake of disaster, but Meg agonized over her lack of attentiveness; disaster or no, they had deserved so much better from her. 

With that heavy weight upon her soul the Sunspear landed on the dune's crest, casting a long shadow that carved out the setting sun's long golden rays. strained from long flights her wide wings stretched out to either side, not quite wanting to fold properly after working so hard for so long. The eagle joined her, finding a perch on the layers of leather across her back. "Home again, my Meg." soothed the eagle's voice in her mind, but the mare's features didn't fall into the relieved smile he might have hoped for. Solemn eyes gazed out where once bright fires had burned and she glanced at the bird on her back but made no reply. The desert might have been the same but so much about what made it home had been altered, just as she had been altered. It was evidenced in her body and her countenance, with less of her previous kinetic spark and more rigidity, muscles that were as strong as ever but she was leaner, somehow harder. It was like iron, a shell she had built even within her leather armor--within her very skin-- and it held in the emotions that had left her scattered so that she could face what was left of her life.

megaera
this also has been one of the dark places of the earth

Megaera's gut twisted, thinking of Vastra and Castor just barely weaned and she had left them... left them, to try and find their sister. Was is as simple as that? Choosing one child over two? The eagle screeched at the bay mare and her thoughts bled into his mind "They were safe at home and Asavvi was alone, we both feared for her." he tried to console but it did nothing to assuage the heavy weight of guilt. The mare's ear's pinned themselves back as she shot a miserable glare at the eagle. She felt considerably less empty now that he was with her again, but Gwaihir's continued attempts at making her feel better were only making her feel worse. "I didn't know they were safe, it was a risk I should not have taken!" Especially since she had taken it for nothing. Her little stargazer was still gone. 

The eagle ruffled at this, unsure what else he could do or say when his words were only met with self-doubt and degradation on her part; this wasn't the self-assured Meg he remembered. "I'll check the oasis then." he said simply, knowing she would check the coast first--Castor loved the water so much. With a sweep of earthen wings, Gwaihir lifted himself to the sky again and soared southward towards the lake. 

And to the coast she aimed herself, or would have if a voice saying her name and a grey figure in her periphery had not pulled her head around. Sohalia- the mare Meg knew quite little of and had judged harshly. That she owed the pale mare an apology was the least of it. What sin, thought Megaera, had the Transcended committed that she was not now just as guilty of? When last they had spoken Meg had given no sympathy, no understanding, only attacked with passive aggressive drivel and petulant pride when Gaucho had reprimanded her for it.  It was another thing that she would have to set right, but not before she was sure her little ones were well. How was she? The question forced a stricken look to the bay's face but there was a hollow cast to the tone that so mirrored her own feelings that instead of snapping at Sohalia, Meg was led only to honesty. "My daughter is missing." Was it the words of the climate that mad her mouth feel so dry? "Gone without a trace and I couldn't find her, and I--" she choked on the next words, 'neglected my babies' was too appalling a phrase to be spoken aloud. 

Even as Meg wrestled with words, she was cut off by the cast of a familiar shadow. Einarr! There was such a tearing on emotion in her at the sight of him that she was struck silent. Relief that he himself was alive and well, despair when Asavvi was not at his side. She met his gaze with grim understanding. "Shekh anni..." My sun.... but all their little stars were scattered.

She heard his question to Sohalia, but as her gaze shifted towards the mare again they set upon a smudge on the sand, the disheveled form of her little red beauty. "Vastra." the faintest whisper, a thankful prayer, passed her lips and with no reguard for anything but her youngest child, Megaera moved between the figured of Einarr and Sohalia and to where the filly stood. She did'nt move faster than a brisk walk, but the girls pull of her was undeniable, magnetic and only now were there tears forming in the mare's dark eyes. She reached to pull her daughter into the circle of her wings, the safety of her embrace, murmuring gently "Vasa, my Vasa. Dear One, I am so sorry. So sorry..." 

megaera
this also has been one of the dark places of the earth

It was bliss to hold one of her children again, it was blessed relief to wrap her wings around her little girl and know that she was safe, at lease for that moment. Even if it was jus one child of the five, Megaera had needed that touch, had been starved for it so much so that it didn’t register that Vastra did not reach to her in the same way. The mother bent her head down to rub her fece tenderly over the little girl. Reconcile. Reclaim. Reassure. 
 
"Uhff!" a surprised puff of air huffed out as some projectile plowed into Meg’s side. Looking down she only saw Castor, the little scamp, trying to regain his balance. She adjusted her wing to reach out and steady him, to bring him into the fold of her love once more. “Cas, shhh. Come my brave boy, I’m home, I’m here.” The twin’s reactions to her were so markedly different; Castor unable to contain him emotions while Vastra he'd a stoic sort of rigidity. Meg couldn't get them close enough. the guilt and grief that threatened to overrun her by just the smell of them, by the feel of their little bodies whole to her. They’re safe! At least they’re safe. and she would never leave that up to chance again.

It dawned on her then that this would be the first time that Einarr would meet their youngest children. She lifted her head, turning her attention back to where her mate stood with Sohalia in order to call his attention only to catch words that left her dazed.

”He’s dead.

It was ridiculous. Gaucho could not be dead. 

Meg’s entire consciousness was instantly in an uproar, railing against the idea, clamoring with reasons that it could simply not be true. No one could have defeated Gaucho in combat, he wasn’t even that old, he was beloved of the Sun God, he was ascended. But how could Sohalia be mistaken? Why would she choose to lie?

Like a magnet Meg was drawn away from her children, deaf to the beginnings of their little tussle. Her face was severe, threatening violence or tears, whichever one it was made her eyes shine with sharp emotion even as they were riveted to Sohalia's face. She searched the mare for some tell, for some sign that what she had just uttered was not the truth. But there was no lie in the white mare. 

Hot tears brimmed and spilled, even as her face was ablaze, her heart was ponding, even as Somalia continued speaking. In some valiant act of self-preservation, Meg held the most debilitating of her grief at bay, as always reaching for action rather than despair. She heard the appoint meant of Sikeax, and nodded, “I have to seek her out.”She said, voice shaking in equal parts rage and desperate denial. As long as there were steps to be taken for the good of the herd, she could hold herself together. She knew of Sikeax, owed the healer a debt for her aid in the day of Mordecai’s birth, and if the Sun God though she and Meg would work together than she would trust in that.  “I’ll call a meeting, I must know wha—“ She cut herself off as the rest of the dove’s words caught up to her.

“What do you mean…a…second…lead?” Her voice barely formed the words, whispering them as thought he merest breath would release that sword of damocles that swung above her head.

megaera
this also has been one of the dark places of the earth