It didn’t take much time to figure out that I was dragging my hooves about going back to the Basin. With each passing day I found some other place in Helovia to explore instead, slowly acquainting myself with the strange plants and sights that I found. Despite the fact that I had made friends in the herd - with Leif and Rexanna - I no longer felt safe there. I was constantly on edge, waiting for the herd to explode into more arguments - waiting for some band to take advantage of the divided herd and invade.

But that’s where the conflict in my mind started. Because despite how unsafe the Basin seemed to me, it had become familiar too. I had spent a year here and that land was by far the one I was most accustomed to - the rest of Helovia was still strange to me. In all my time here, I had spoken to maybe six others - travelled between the Basin and the Threshold and that was about it.

It was hard to make much progress when every strange sight sent you skittering into the bushes.

In the late afternoon of this Orangemoon day, I was hiding beneath a tree for a very different reason. A storm had broke while I was out on my own and though I had the cloak Calder had given me, I didn’t fancy the idea of being drenched with a heavy wool cloak as the misting rain turned into a downpour. Thankfully some of the oaks that dappled the meadow retained their foliage so they provided decent cover and there had yet to be any lightning to make me wary about standing beneath a tall structure.

All I could do now was wait out the rain and hope I wouldn’t be disturbed as my mind raced around, trying to think of some sort of answer to the dilemma I faced.

It didn't feel right, leaving the safety of her newly adopted home to venture out to the meadow. There was a certain sense of security that she craved and was finding in the winding paths and hidden places of the falls. Still, she had come there at a bad time; tallsun fires had singed most of it's greenery-including it's food supply. Though her deeper nature drifted toward stargazing, Asavvi was determined to be practical, and after all frostfall would follow orangemoon soon enough so she took it upon herself to brave a few trips outside her new borders to be sure she knew where best to find food in the coming months. These excursions were short and undertaken with a caution as she was hoping to avoid any wandering members of the Dragon's Throat. 

It was unlikely she would be recognized, unless one of her family happened across her. Asavvi had grown much since she had been taken from the Halcyon Flats and now, nearly two, she was taller than even her mother had been. On newly long and elegant limbs she moved with an inhibited sort of grace, gentle movements visibly restrained; the product of legs that wanted to run and a frightened heart that would not let them.

But she liked the rain. Despite her her situation, her location, her wants, or her fears, the rain set her at ease. It was cleansing, nourishing, and since it was not yet quite cold enough to worry of catching a chill, Asavvi walked through the open Meadow heading back toward the falls. Her hope of going unnoticed however seemed forfeit when in her path she spotted another taking shelter in beneath a small copse of trees. She could have walked right on by, technically it was an option, but the girl had a liking for manners that chaffed at the suggestion. "Good afternoon." She intoned as she approached, a placid smile in place.

Don’t run, Elspeth!

I quickly think to myself, feeling my heart rate pick up at the sight of another pegasus. Graasvoel was still the only other one that I had interacted with - all the rest had me skittering away. They were intimidating and dangerous looking but, as I had recently discovered, a set of wings did not automatically mean you were a god. Which would, at least, save me from another embarrassing conversation where I ask this young mare whether or not she were a goddess.

The fact that she was young did settle my nerves at least a little bit.

At least, as soon as I choke down the realization that my daughter would be her age if she were still alive.

So, unfortunately, there is a brief moment where I look upon this dark brown girl with an expression that is both utter terror and overwhelming sadness as I wrestled with those thoughts but I quickly attempted to smile and banish all negative thoughts away.

Also unfortunately, I’m not as good as covering my emotions as I like to think I am. So while I thought I was doing a good job of graciously smiling at this new stranger, there was still a haunted look in my golden eyes. “Good afternoon.” I reply and I’m relieved to find that my voice is warmer than I feared. “Would you care to join me? The rain’s getting pretty heavy out there.”

Perhaps she had just been intending to walk on by, but I felt the need to say something friendly to prove I wasn’t a complete basketcase. And, well, because talking was proving to be a perfect distraction from my nerves.  “I’m Elspeth.”

If she had expected her greeting to be returned with the same calm affability Asavvi was quite mistaken. Confusion and instant regret sprang up within her at the flickering look that passed over the pale mare, it looked like...fear? Grief? Asavvi couldn't  see why her presence should cause either; for one she was such a gentle soul that intending harm upon a stranger would never had occurred to her, and it sometimes took a reminder that others rarely expected the world to be gentle. And the grief... that was more of a mystery but whatever he reason, she was sorry to be the cause of it. Yet, even as the hunted look lingered in the eyes of the mare, she spoke warmly, politely and the contrast was intriguing.

The mare probably didn't want her here, and Asavvi had to chose between leaving her in peace and trying to comfort; the former being the polite thing, the latter being what she though was the right thing. Oh, how she hated when tight and polite didn't seem to align like she though they should! The girl hesitated, apprehension rolling over her features along with the falling rain, but before she could reply to the mare she felt something pass her and looked to see a small colt pass her by to also take up a place under the shelter of the tree.

The bold little colt wasted no time in tactlessly forcing the issue, calling out Elspeth for her cover. "It's a matter of good manners." She said, in a slightly admonishing tone as she stepped forward and under the shelter of the trees. Though her focus was directed at the colt, she interfered for the mare's sake; Asavvi could sympathize only too well with wanting to keep specific emotions hidden. Careful not to crowd Elspeth, she settled herself into the company and let her patient smile break the mildly stern expression. "And besides, sometimes smiling just for the sake of it can help make someone happy." Her cloud-grey eyes flicked back to Elspeth "I am sorry though, if I caused you any distress. I am Csilla of the Hidden Falls, it's a pleasure to meet you Elspeth" How strange it was, not to say 'Asavvi, of Dragon's Throat.

Well. It wasn’t very often that I got called out on my poor poker face but man did this colt ever reveal me. No sooner had he joined us did he point out the obvious flaw in my expression. My jaw opened in shock and no shortage of embarrassment. What was I supposed to say? I liked to pride myself in being as honest as possible but the story behind the haunted look in my eyes was not something I wanted to dredge up then and there. I’m thankful that the winged girl has a quicker tongue than me - especially when my reaction was to tell the colt to mind his own fucking business.

Probably a choice in words that wouldn’t go over well.

My gaze softened at her words and I appreciated greatly her defense, but I answered the question too - as honestly as I could (without cursing). “And because it’s not the present that makes me sad, but the past.”

I then smiled at Csilla (as she had introduced herself) - more of a true smile this time around and hopefully they would both be able to see that. “Trust me, if you were causing me true distress - I would have left.” Well, I’m pretty sure I would have left. Or I would have said something completely ridiculous, like I had with Graasvoel and Seren, but chances are that I would have turned tail and run like I had done with several others around Helovia since I had arrived. It seemed to be my specialty, right from my embarrassing entrance in the Threshold. But then, if the fabric in my tail hadn’t snagged on a tree and trapped me - where would I be? Would I still be lost, seeking to escape my captors? It had been a year since I had arrived and still I feared that they might find me again.

I don’t give these troublesome thoughts time to fester, however. There’s plenty of time for that when I’m alone.

In an effort to move on from this uncomfortable conversation, my golden gaze looked down to the bold colt. “What’s your name, young one?” And then, oddly enough, I had a question for Csilla too - finding myself curious about the herd she had named. I vaguely recognized it, sure that someone had told me of its existence at some point in the last year. Perhaps it was briefly mentioned as one of the “other herds” back at the Threshold.

I just hoped it wasn’t hidden by magic.

After giving the colt some time to respond to my question, I look to the girl. My expression is more relaxed now and I feel my body doing the same. While still a little on edge, I took comfort in the weight of the blue plaid cloak draped over my back and the kindness Csilla had showed me. Or maybe I was finally getting comfortable in Helovia.

“The Hidden Falls you said? What a curious name. Is it truly hidden?”

The child seemed to loose interest, as children often do; true, Asavvi was still only half way though her second year but she’d hardly been a child even at the colt’s age. Her mother had called her an old soul, already more like the ancient stars than any earthly fire like Megaera had been or even Nizho. She’d always liked manners more that other youths, and so frowned at the boy when he ignored the question of his name and wandered off. “Hmmm, children…” Asavvi sighed, not loosing the irony that she was still technically one herself, but she’d never imagine being to rude.

Elspeth spoke to her then, pulling Asavvi’s gaze from the retreating back of the little colt. Her features softened again and she offered the mare another muted smile at the question. The Hidden Falls was indeed hidden, she’d had a devil of a time in trying to find the borders, but then she’d tried it in the middle of the night. The dark bay girl wondered if she should mention that she’d been invited to stay in the Falls by a disembodied voice—It had somehow turned out to be the Czarina, but still, perhaps that wasn’t the best first anecdote.

“Aye, it is. The forrest, rivers, and waterfalls make is a bit of a maze at first, but living there you learn to find your way around well enough.” To be fair, Asavvi thought, she had taken days of dedicated work to fix a map of the falls in her mind in order to mark escape routes; it might take quite a bit longer without such a thorough. initial effort. That time, that effort though, had made her feel that much more secure.

The Falls had fast become the refuge she’d sought, and wasn’t that down to it’s seclusion. “Perhaps it makes the herd a bit isolated, but it’s nice in its own way, safe. I think the God of Earth worked to make it so to protect his kingdom.” Just talking about her new home was working to relax the yearling, and though she still stood tall and straight, what little tension there had been faded as she spoke. ”Where are you from?’

Some of my sadness went away with the brash little colt - although I knew that even without his presence to call me out on my inability to hide my emotions that didn’t mean I was about to get any better. Asavvi would still notice, even if she did not say anything. Fortunately, though, the young mare was answering my question about her home and I let myself get lost in her description - or, at least, the image that came to my mind. Somewhere filled with rich greens, with woods and trees and plants that were softer than the conifers of the north.

I both feared and hoped the Falls might be like the valleys I called home.

“That sounds wonderful.” I admit with a smile, attempting to shake the visions of my lost home from  my mind and not succeeding. A nagging voice in the back of my head wanted to assume that I could have it again. But, of course, I couldn’t.

When the answer was turned on me, I paused uncertainly and frowned which effectively erased the blissful thoughts I had been entertaining a moment ago. “The Basin, I suppose?” I undoubtedly made a face as I said this, not quite yet believing that I was from the Basin despite having lived there for a year. It was just a place that I was living, really. It wasn’t home. “It was supposed to be safe, far away in the northern mountains, and it was for a time…” I drift off for a moment, aware that I’ve probably said a little bit too much. Actually what I said, thoguh the truth, might come across a little more ominous than I intended. No doubt the Basin was a beautiful home for some but they had a thicker hide than I.

I don’t apologize for my words, though, but instead cast my amber eyes over to the girl and ask something else about her home: “Is anyone welcome there?”