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10-19-2016, 07:27 PM
良克
Ryouta
Her coat had been pale, clean; her mane long. The surface of her eyes clear and wet, but below the surface thin veils like gossamer pulled across her pupils and robbed her of sight. She needed no visual sense of the world to become the axis upon which mine turned.
I think of her now, as I had many times since my arrival in Helovia.
The sun in my sky, the one that had died and banished my whole life into darkness. Still, I find it difficult to regret the time spent with her. To be destroyed, broken, bloodied and empty as she departed - the price paid had still been too low for what I had received. It was a funny thought, something tickling the edges of my consciousness but never quite breaking through. You may be wondering what it would take to wake me up, to shake me from the sleep that had enveloped my life since her passing. I do not know; I do not wonder. I simply am.
The soft-spoken words of the collapsed girl to my side do not shake the core of my existence. They words fall, a soft rain lightly pattering on the window of my soul. Tears of an angel dripping and slipping, beautiful when observed safely from inside, untouched by the storm of repentance outside. I am safe, guarded by my own delusion and self-involved misery. As long as I keep the distance, a vast expanse between me and this girl, I am safe. She would not touch the heart locked away, and I am safe.
I am safe. This is what I tell myself.
"I was a stupid child," I say with calm, level words and an even flatter face. My two toned eyes turn in her direction, only to reveal the tiniest glimmer in the night, a sparkle of the truth. I missed the stupid child of ignorance and happiness. If time could be turned back, I would jump into my old skin, parade about my old life, live within the moments before the world came crashing down upon my back and fractured my spine. "Better, definitely not."
A lie, every word a lie - the lie I tuck myself into bed with at night. The lie I wrap around my face like a mask. The lie I buried with her body on a summer night.
The lie is all I have now, bereft of love and family.
"Envying your past is counterproductive. You cannot go back. You can only move forward."
Or, in my case, remain frozen and emotionally stunted for the rest of your life.
""
I think of her now, as I had many times since my arrival in Helovia.
The sun in my sky, the one that had died and banished my whole life into darkness. Still, I find it difficult to regret the time spent with her. To be destroyed, broken, bloodied and empty as she departed - the price paid had still been too low for what I had received. It was a funny thought, something tickling the edges of my consciousness but never quite breaking through. You may be wondering what it would take to wake me up, to shake me from the sleep that had enveloped my life since her passing. I do not know; I do not wonder. I simply am.
The soft-spoken words of the collapsed girl to my side do not shake the core of my existence. They words fall, a soft rain lightly pattering on the window of my soul. Tears of an angel dripping and slipping, beautiful when observed safely from inside, untouched by the storm of repentance outside. I am safe, guarded by my own delusion and self-involved misery. As long as I keep the distance, a vast expanse between me and this girl, I am safe. She would not touch the heart locked away, and I am safe.
I am safe. This is what I tell myself.
"I was a stupid child," I say with calm, level words and an even flatter face. My two toned eyes turn in her direction, only to reveal the tiniest glimmer in the night, a sparkle of the truth. I missed the stupid child of ignorance and happiness. If time could be turned back, I would jump into my old skin, parade about my old life, live within the moments before the world came crashing down upon my back and fractured my spine. "Better, definitely not."
A lie, every word a lie - the lie I tuck myself into bed with at night. The lie I wrap around my face like a mask. The lie I buried with her body on a summer night.
The lie is all I have now, bereft of love and family.
"Envying your past is counterproductive. You cannot go back. You can only move forward."
Or, in my case, remain frozen and emotionally stunted for the rest of your life.
""
誰がこの心のために殺されことを非難するのですか
Dare ga kono kokoro no tame ni korosa re koto o hinan suru nodesu ka?
@Ultima
