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10-02-2016, 01:53 PM
Ranjiri
{
"Grief never ends, but it changes. Its a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."
The last place I wanted to be was at a herd meeting and the last thing I wanted to do was swallow my grief down and hide it away so no one else would see. I wanted to be left alone to mourn the furture that was taken away from me. I wanted to mourn over the fact that my child would never know her father. All I wanted to do was wallow in my own self pity for a while and beat myself up because I hadn't told Rhoa that I was pregnant before he died and I because I hadn't been there in Gaucho's final moments.
BUt I couldn't.
Instead I was stuck at a herd meeting, listening to Isopia as she promoted horses into ranks that had been vacant. Some of them I recognized, like Zero, others I had no clue who they were, like the cocky stallion that challenged my mother to battle for a spot as Champion.I know I could have offered congratulations to those that were promoted and I could have done a little bit more than smile half-heartedly at Zero, but I didn't. I just stood at the very outskirts by myself and waited for everything to be over.
It struck me as I stood there, that I'd never felt so alone in the presence of so many others before. It didn't matter that the rest of the herd was there, and it didn't matter that my family was intermingled within their numbers. I wondered if they would even notice if I slipped away and didn't stay for the rest of the meeting. It didn't take my long to decide that my presence wouldn't be missed, so I turned and walked away.
"."
aud pixel!
