EREBOS He knew very little about his newest Corporal. A part of him was a bit ashamed of the fact, because he’d likely been off gallivanting when newcomers arrived, had seen more of the world than the faces and figures scrambling together to make the Aurora Basin. The boy’s aspirations had never quite been for the greater good or their mountainous empire, but for himself, for his friends, and for his comrades. Now, somewhere along the way, he had to puzzle and mull over what it meant to serve their tiny legion.   But if Erebos understood anything at all, it was determination, it was conviction, it was tenacity, whittling down through his bones and pulsing along his veins. It brewed in his chest and was brought to life by his actions, by his phrases, by his exuberance and will to succeed. They would be great, and he’d try to show them the way.   So he was pleased, proud, when the buckskin came to his summons in the pouring rain, when his similar size and dark complexion arrived within the mist. The prince had sparred several of his brethren before, and he yearned to make this less of a bloodbath and more of an educational process. Erebos wanted to see, wanted to comprehend, how his fellow soldiers moved, how they distorted, how they intended to wage war on an ally before they ever assaulted an opponent.   He watched and waited, muscles coiled, ready, eager, fervent to spring into action, eyes narrowed as Arion came forth, seemingly rushing head-on, intending to crash and burn into Erebos’ front. His brow arched, his features dampened to an impassive stature – no more smirking, no more snickering, no more lofty grins (because the skirmish had just begun, and there was an echo in his head – Orsino – telling him to move).   Had the other beast changed course? The rain made it to difficult to see and hard to process the lines of motion and speed. He shifted slightly on the ice, blinked rapidly to get the cascading droplets out of his eyes, and shook his head at the lack of visibility (which had seemed amusing at the time, but he was no longer Poseidon, only a prince drenched and irritated). Before he knew it, the fellow warrior had moved towards his right side, and on instinct, Erebos maneuvered to the left.   Wrong, Orsino hissed through their bond, for no sooner had he made the choice, Arion was along his left side (you were tricked, little fool came the haunting sibilance again), and swiping upwards with his sword. Panic took hold of the young General’s frenetic maneuvering, and he tried to go back to the right (away from blades, away from knives). However, the sloppy, slippery grounds only made him slide, only gave Arion’s horn a greater advantage as it sliced its way along the youth’s left shoulder, ceasing at the top of his withers in one long, bleeding gash.   He attempted to hold in the agonizing, miserable adornment of pain (it burned, it scorched, it flared in a blend of dizzying contortions), but it erupted from him in a sharp outcry, head raised, mouth parted, teeth suddenly snapping together in shame and vexation.   All he had were visions of Ashamin and him, locked in a menacing duel within the labyrinth, caught in too many storms – and how he’d withered, how he’d fumbled, how he’d barely managed to do anything but bleed.   Idiot! Orsino chanted, and he was aware, all too aware, of how ridiculous he must look through the clouds of rain and showers, the boy General already trapped and deceived by one of his own. He gasped, tried to pull himself together, tried to stop thinking about the momentous torment shifting down his left side, tried to forgo memories of defeat.   He could do this. He could show them.   Erebos leaned heavily on his right side, praying he wouldn’t stumble, wouldn’t flail, wouldn’t be overcome by the ice beneath their feet, and kicked out (towards his left), hoping to catch Arion’s left side with his hind hooves.   It wasn’t brutal, it wasn’t barbaric, but it was something to convey that he didn’t give in.   [1/3 697 words. * The heavy rain makes it difficult to see where Arion is going or predict his movements. As Arion comes towards Erebos’ right side, Erebos shifts to the left, but is caught by Arion’s trick, and is left with a long, bleeding gash along his left shoulder, extending to the top of his withers. * In retaliation, Erebos tries to kick out towards Arion’s left side.]

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Huzzah! Here we go!

Teaching Notes:
 
What Went Well:
 
- Possible Advantages/Disadvantages: I really liked how you took the time to have Arion analyze their possible strengths and weaknesses in regards to each other’s build. This could come in handy later on in the spar, when you want to make a move depending on speed or size. This particular passage: Sure, they seemed to be in roughly about the same shape and possibly in possession of similar strength. But that was where the similarities stopped. Arion couldn't quite place what the young buck's heritage was but, undoubtedly, it was going to be faster and a bit more agile than his own. God's be damned. highlighted Arion’s experience and subtle thoughts as well (and this line: The Corporal had, initially, thought his superior's visage to be so youthful that he may as well have been a bairn just plucked from his mother's tits made me laugh. XD).
 
- Directions: Thank you, thank you, for ensuring I knew where Arion was in space. It’s so beneficial for both roleplayers to know where each other’s characters are, so that it doesn’t become such a chaotic mess of who is hitting where, and how far away they are from each other. I also thought your attack was pretty clear, but I’ll have more on that later on. ;D
 
To Work On:
 
- Emotions: I felt like I only got a few little sprinkles of whom Arion is. For instance:
 
The day might be dark but it was not going to be enough to cause a cessation of his duties. No, indeed, the stallion was not to be daunted by something so small as a little rain and mud.
 
He would strive for success even in this chummy bout of icy-wet violence.
 
God's be damned.  He was going to need to employ all of his wits to have any chance of a favorable outcome.
 
These are just three lines in particular that caught me as emotions – but all I’ve gleaned so far is that he’s a rather dry character, determined, but snarky and ready to take on a challenge. But what else? What are his motivations? Why does he agree to this spar (because he was told to?)? What are his experiences? Has he battled in this sort of slop before? What does he think of Erebos? What does he hope to gain from this skirmish? Emotion counts for a portion of our rubric. You want to make sure you include more than just three lines – embed it into his attacks, his defenses, his frustrations, and his pain. You have an ample word count amount left over to accomplish this.
 
I think it’ll be easier for you once we get rolling. ;D
 
- Attacks: The only issue I had surrounding your attack (because thankfully you included directions) was the realistic portion of it. You had a lot going on. Make it simple. Make it feasible. This: After a few moments of stalling he stops and suddenly dashes forward. The earthen stallion sets his course for a head-on collision with the general. The movement, crippled by the mud, is neither his swiftest nor his most agile. Still, Arion hopes the blurry cloak of the mist might help him with the problem of the slower approach. He waits until he is just one pace away from impact before feinting to Erebos's right side. In quick succession the earthen stallion follows up with a dodge to his opponent's left.  There he aims his horn at the general's neck. The intent is just for a swiping slice at its side, nothing intense, as this was just a friendly spar. was for ONE attack, and I had to piece together just what Erebos would be doing in the meantime.
 
You can’t assume the other character isn’t moving. Due to the dice roll, I had Erebos basically move into your attack (which set up nicely to take a larger amount of damage), but I think you need simplify it. You have him dashing forward, to the left, to the right - I would pick one direct line so that your attack is easily understood, realistic, and doesn’t confuse the judges or myself.
 
- Proofreading: While I didn’t see any spelling errors, I did detect some awkward tense changes.
 
He smiles and exclaims, "Excelsior!" as he begins his morning routine. Should be smiled and exclaimed where you’ve started out your post in past tense. Everything else needs to be in past tense too.
 
Seriously? The earthen stallion thrusts his head up to the sky before moving to quirk it at his general. Should be thrusted.
 
Arion quickly comes to the conclusion that there was no questioning this order and dips his head towards the youth. Came to the conclusion, dipped his head.
 
The older stallion does need the chance to assess his opponent though. His head droops to the ground, his back pulls, and it all seems as if he must stretch his aging body before their first round. - Did need the chance. Head drooped to the ground, his back pulled. It all seemed.
 
After a few moments of stalling he stops and suddenly dashes forward. He stopped and suddenly dashed forward.
 
The earthen stallion sets his course for a head-on collision with the general. - The earthen stallion set his course.
 
Still, Arion hopes the blurry cloak of the mist might help him with the problem of the slower approach. He waits until he is just one pace away from impact before feinting to Erebos's right side. Arion hoped. He waited.
 
In quick succession the earthen stallion follows up with a dodge to his opponent's left.  There he aims his horn at the general's neck. Followed up with a dodge. There he aimed his horn.
 
The mud releases a decidedly moist squelch in protest of the abuse being released on its back but his hooves manage to hold true, for the moment. - The mud released. His hooves managed.
 
Always proofread! I like to leave and come back to my posts before I put them up, or read them out loud (to catch clunky phrasing or obvious redundancy my brain/eyes didn’t catch the first time around).
 
To Think About:
 
- Motivations: I’ve noted earlier about tying his emotions/motivations together throughout your post. This will only increase points on your rubric!
 
- Defenses: Since Erebos’ first attack is now up, how will Arion defend himself? Will he move in the opposite direction? Will he race forward? Make sure to include those directions again so everyone is aware of where’s he going.
 
- Damage Taking: Ah, dice rolls. While we don’t know what’s coming, always keep in mind about the range of damage potential. You have 1 – 6, and I always try to think of 1 as being very minor, perhaps a small scrape, some hair missing, and increasing it from there (where a 6 would be a huge, heavy blow, huge movement impacts, quite a bit of bleeding). A 3 would be in the middle, like a mild laceration or bruising, and you can coincide with it from there.
 
Remember, the damage doesn’t always have to come from the actual attack. You could utilize surroundings to help your character suddenly be a bit more hurt (tripping, stumbling, catching themselves on the back of their front legs) and this could help with realism as well.
 
- Surroundings: You’ve already done a nice job setting up the mess that is the current weather – mud, ice, rain – so make sure you include that throughout the rest of your posts. It should have an impact on movement, on sight, on attacking, on defending, etc. 

If you have any questions/concerns, don't hesitate to hit me up on Skype or PM. :D

@Arion