V E S P E R
"Because even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth"

I simply nodded when Papa spoke to me and followed quickly in his footsteps, still reeling from the very idea that we were to be collecting dead things.  This was unlike anything I’d ever been asked to do, and more than that the very idea sent a trickle of fear down my spine. I tried to smile at Lyra’s antics, knowing that she was trying to cheer me up, but I knew my effort was feeble at best.  Everly was concerned too, and came to ride on my withers once we cleared the majority of the group - distressed at the mood that had clouded my mind.  

When we finally stopped walking, I wasn’t entirely sure where we were.  I hadn’t been paying much attention to where we were, to be honest.  I stared, blankly, out over the diseased-looking lands.  I reached out a cloven hoof to brush aside a withered fern, only to recoil when the plant revealed a broken piece of bone beneath. 

“Papa,” I started, finally speaking though I didn’t meet his gaze.  Instead my silver gaze drifted back out over the long-dead lands, littered with bones and other dead things.  I shivered, involuntarily.  Something about this place, this task shook me to my insides. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want to collect bones for Kisamoa, but I didn’t think I even could. A ragged sigh escaped my lips as another shudder tore through me.  I pulled my wings tightly to my sides, trying to hold myself together physically if my mind was going to pieces.  So I tried again.   “Papa do we have to collect bones for Kisamoa?” I asked, finally looking up at him.  I’m sure that he could see the emotion in my eyes - it was written all over my face, really - the hesitation, the uncertainty, the fear that this task had inspired.  All foreign to me. 

And it was unsettling. 

I wanted to make sure that he understood, but at the same time I just didn’t have the words to make him understand everything that was going on in my head. “I’m scared, Papa. And I don’t want to go in there. I don’t want to dig up bones. I just don’t think I can do it.”  The words are quiet, but unwavering. It’s clear that this isn’t something I’ll be convinced of.  I let out another ragged breath before I closed my eyes and pressed my head against his shoulder.  It was something I used to do with Mama when I was very young - just stand next to her and listen to her heart beat and the sounds of air filling her lungs.  But now there was no Mama.  No Virga.  It was only me and Papa now.  

Maybe that’s why I was so afraid to go in the dead land, because I was secretly afraid that maybe I’d find someone I loved in there buried among the bones.  But deep down I don’t think that was it.  I wish I could explain what it was, but it just felt wrong and it made my insides burn just to think about.