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03-06-2017, 05:15 PM
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isopia
Even as her arrow flies forward, the mare before her doesn't seem phased. Instead her eyes seem to be drinking in Isopia as an opponent, but then fail to realize that the battle has already begun. Briefly a flickering of mental-guilt floods Isopia's mind. It is mental, because Isopia doesn't actually feel the guilt, but she knows that she should. She had declared her title and her willingness to spar - was that not enough? Even so, why hadn't the mare tried to evade her arrow? Was she another Shida, here to die? Thankfully what came next was not a request to be murdered, but a charge. Isopia's mind eased somewhat, glad that she need not be an executioner yet again. The mare's teeth glinted in the diffused light cast by the mists that swirled in the Edge, and Isopia prepared herself to defend against a bite. However at the last moment, the mare suddenly dodged. The wing that Iso had been holding slightly upwards, tensed and ready to snap outwards to strike the mare in the nose, was suddenly useless against hooves that flailed towards her chest. One of Nitika's hooves struck the curve of her semi-outstretched wing, causing pain to radiate up through the delicate bones and into her shoulder joint. Simultaneously, Nitika's other hoof had grazed down her chest. Although the skin hadn't been broken, there would surely be a bruise beneath her mottled skin tomorrow. For now, Isopia was merely left with a breast that ached with each fresh wave of blood that circulated through her veins. Knowing that her size was her next greatest strength, Isopia decided to push forward despite the dangerous proximity of the mare. If the mare was taller and her hooves more easily able to reach Isopia's skull, she likely would not have been so bold. But her narrow but muscular chest could take another thrashing if need be; the opportunity to attack the mare when she was unbalanced was one that Isopia wanted to take. Keeping her horned skull slightly raised, Isopia thrust forward with her left shoulder, keeping her injured right wing pinned against her side. Her intention was to knock Nitika off balance while two of her hooves were still in the air. Perhaps she would fall, or simply stumble on the hard stone ground. Either way, Isopia wanted to prove that her strength did not simply rely in the magic that flowed through her veins. On the sidelines, Babel watched the fight hungrily. As blood wafted through the air his blackish eyes glinted like onyx in the light. Confused, Hubris looked from the dragonling to the spar, wondering what it was he found so interesting. Wanting to help occupy his brother, the older of the two dragons plucked a flower and offered it up as a toy for the younger to play with. Without looking, Babel opened his jaws and chomped down on the flower, reducing it to so many petals in a mere instant. WC: 497 Attack: 2/3 Summary: Isopia lungs forward trying to knock into Nitika while she's rearing! TEACHING NOTES Great post! I think there's some room for improvement, but for someone just starting out, you're doing a really great job! The first thing I noticed, is that there's no mention of Nitika trying to avoid Iso's arrow. While it's true that the dice say you do take damage, presumably if she saw a stone arrow flying towards her, she'd try to avoid it. In terms of realism on the rubric, you might lose points for that. Another thing the judges look for is more descriptive language. You mention that the injury hurts and that it will impact her speed (AWESOME!), but you don't actually describe it. What kind of pain is it? Sharp, dull? Is she surprised that Iso hit her, shocked by her magic? etc. Anything that you can do to paint a picture for your opponent and the judges, will help! I like that she used a feint - that's super creative! As I just mentioned, the more detail you can give, the better! I know we're trying to keep the word count low, but I still think there's a bit more room for descriptive language. For instance, Nitika wants to improve, but she thinks that the battle with Iso will be dangerous. Why does she want to improve? Why does she think Iso's dangerous? I think I only saw one typo in your post. That isn't a big deal, but if you repeatedly make little mistakes like that, they tend to add up! Also try to mention the scenery a bit more. That's part of realism too - you're running forward on hard stone ground, does that hurt her feet? Is she sweating or cold? The Edge is pretty misty, so does that play into anything at all? Again, anything you can do to paint a vivid picture of what's happening with your character! |
