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02-15-2017, 04:03 PM
If I wasn’t already all in my feelings like I was, I probably would’ve been breathless at the way my Pa just…heeded me like he did. Outta nowhere there he was, by my side when I screamed for him—and I wasn’t even shocked by it, and I think that’s what caught me off guard the most. It was weird to have this…this strange, groundless doubt of someone you think you shouldn’t trust, only to be proven wrong and proven right at the same time.
And it was even weirder that he didn’t even try and fight back—he ain’t even pull the insolent mortal card my bones practically begged him to pull. I had nothing to latch my angry teeth onto; he showed up, his head high but his eyes and his voice and the sag in his spirit telling me that I was right. I was right to be mad, I was right to be confused, cuz he was confused as well and we were both caught in the same trick bag. I ain’t even have to fight him for that admission; he just gave it.
The tears kept falling even though I was vindicated of my rage—and honestly, they probably fell slightly harder, a little more thickly. I wasn’t scared to cry in front of my Pa (though to be honest, I ain’t knowKis What’s-Her-Name was there with me, otherwise I probably would’ve at least tried to pull it together). I was facing something I was afraid of facing full-on, even more than the test of my demand against his authority—but I ain’t gonna get on that weird shit, not yet.
The point was that we were both lost and I pinned my ears cuz that wasn’t acceptable, goddamit.
I can come to you anywhere, he told me, and my heart pulled and I grit my teeth and I latched onto the anger cuz I wasn’t done trying to be mad at him just yet. “But you haven’t,” I said, my tone biting and harsh against his somber cajoling, “You…This thing Kaos had been prancin’ around for almost a year, doin’ shit, commandin’ us, and it’s like…” I started pacing, the shock in my bones preventing me from being angry in one spot, “we see shit all the time, spirits, messengers, agents from y’all that live here, or come to help us or give us advice or whatever. One of them even came by me and gave me the egg that would hatch into that little shit over there!” I couldn’t see it, cuz Chico was too small and too far away—but a tiny lizard’s tongue poked out at me.
“This world is molded by supernatural assholes daily; how the hell are we supposed to protect ourselves from a complete piece of shit if he decides to do us harm?” Something burst out of me—a sob or a growl, I wasn’t sure which. “Shit Pa! I was born to even fight y’all if it meant keeping this place safe—but how the hell am I supposed to fight against an unknown-unknown? I can’t--we--AGH—“
I paused in my pacing, dipping down to wipe my cheek against my knee—cuz I was getting worked up, I was trying too hard to stay mad instead of staying on topic. I sighed (more like I SHOVED hair through my nose) and tried and kinda succeeded in getting my thoughts straight. “I don’t know, you don’t know. So--what? We just stand here like idiots not knowing? Is there nothing on your end that could help? That I could—“
Help with? But I realized what was about to fly through my mouth, and I wasn’t sure if it was an implication I was allowed to make—that I was ready to make.
"talk"
And it was even weirder that he didn’t even try and fight back—he ain’t even pull the insolent mortal card my bones practically begged him to pull. I had nothing to latch my angry teeth onto; he showed up, his head high but his eyes and his voice and the sag in his spirit telling me that I was right. I was right to be mad, I was right to be confused, cuz he was confused as well and we were both caught in the same trick bag. I ain’t even have to fight him for that admission; he just gave it.
The tears kept falling even though I was vindicated of my rage—and honestly, they probably fell slightly harder, a little more thickly. I wasn’t scared to cry in front of my Pa (though to be honest, I ain’t know
The point was that we were both lost and I pinned my ears cuz that wasn’t acceptable, goddamit.
I can come to you anywhere, he told me, and my heart pulled and I grit my teeth and I latched onto the anger cuz I wasn’t done trying to be mad at him just yet. “But you haven’t,” I said, my tone biting and harsh against his somber cajoling, “You…This thing Kaos had been prancin’ around for almost a year, doin’ shit, commandin’ us, and it’s like…” I started pacing, the shock in my bones preventing me from being angry in one spot, “we see shit all the time, spirits, messengers, agents from y’all that live here, or come to help us or give us advice or whatever. One of them even came by me and gave me the egg that would hatch into that little shit over there!” I couldn’t see it, cuz Chico was too small and too far away—but a tiny lizard’s tongue poked out at me.
“This world is molded by supernatural assholes daily; how the hell are we supposed to protect ourselves from a complete piece of shit if he decides to do us harm?” Something burst out of me—a sob or a growl, I wasn’t sure which. “Shit Pa! I was born to even fight y’all if it meant keeping this place safe—but how the hell am I supposed to fight against an unknown-unknown? I can’t--we--AGH—“
I paused in my pacing, dipping down to wipe my cheek against my knee—cuz I was getting worked up, I was trying too hard to stay mad instead of staying on topic. I sighed (more like I SHOVED hair through my nose) and tried and kinda succeeded in getting my thoughts straight. “I don’t know, you don’t know. So--what? We just stand here like idiots not knowing? Is there nothing on your end that could help? That I could—“
Help with? But I realized what was about to fly through my mouth, and I wasn’t sure if it was an implication I was allowed to make—that I was ready to make.
"talk"
Quit Hollerin' "Why God?", he ain't got shit to do with it.
♥♥ kate has it going on
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