In the distance, there's a figure. The stone mare's muscles begin to vibrate with excitement, her cold gaze narrowing through the night towards her possible opponent. Ker gives a little gargle of happiness and bounces up and down upon her bonded's back, unable to contain her excitement. Play nice, Oizys warns. This is friendly, remember. Ker deflates, bombarding the soldier's mind with pictures of her plunging her beak into the eyeballs of their mystery foe. No, comes Oizys' firm response. Like a sulky teenager Ker huffs and turns away, filling her bonded's mind with ">:[" faces. I'M NOT A HERO, I'M A LIAR I'M NOT A SAVIOUR, I'M A VAMPIRE |
Grammar/Prose/Emotion: I love how you write Weaver - this post was really clear, well-written and I couldn't spot any typos or grammar errors! Simply maintaining a good standard of writing is the easiest way to rack up points in the judging rubric, so it's great that you're already doing this.
I got a slight feel for Weaver's personality here and could really see why she wants to prove herself, and this is definitely a thread you could carry forwards for the rest of the fight. Getting spar posts to contain enough emotion can be really tricky, so I always find it easier to maintain one solid thread of 'feels' throughout rather than trying to stuff different ones into each fight post. It's clear you understand Weaver which is great, so you should do just fine in this section :D
Attacks : Your attack was clear, concise and you used 'attempt' etc in all the right places, so great job! If I was being super picky I'd say to make sure you specify where exactly on Ozzy's side she's aiming for (shoulder, flank, or just in the middle) but that's only a really small thing, overall it was a really good attack!
Damage taken: N/A. How much do you know about the dice roll system and the roll format etc? :)
Other: You did well mentioning the breed differences between the two! Looking at their base stats is the best way to do this, which it looks like you've done, so that's great :D You also did well mentioning the environment and using Weaver's wings to balance herself against the ice. I deliberately chose quite interesting conditions (as fighting on hard grass with no obstacles can get boring D:) so we'll both need to make sure that we keep mentioning the surroundings and how they'll affect us. The ice could also provide a good reason if one of us rolls a miss, so there's a lot to play with! :D
[ the gargoyle queen ]
OIZYS IS ALWAYS RATED M FOR STRONG LANGAUGE IN HER POSTS