WEAVER
Realism [+2]
You write your attacks, defenses, and injuries well. Only in your second post did I feel you took too much damage, and in your third post I didn’t find it realistic she could just take off from a stand still, much less on slippery ice - I prefer to see running starts for a pegasus to get airborne, or diving off somewhere high. I liked your utilization of your companion as a warning system!

Generally you had a good mind for timing, but in your second post you wrote pivoting your hind by sliding across the ice to dodge the eagle, then putting weight on your hind in order to rear up and dodge Oizy’s horns. This reads very much as a 1, then 2 processes, while the eagle and Oizys’ attacks were simultaneous so escaping in your way would have only saved you from one of them.

You also did a good job mentioning breed/stat differences at times, especially in your first post. You included surroundings sometimes and used it in your second post, but I would have liked to see a lot more of that incorporated especially given them fighting on ice wouldn’t just be helpful for sliding to dodge, but would also probably mess up some attacks or escapes.


Emotion [+2]
You did a great job balancing the action and emotion throughout the fight, and I really enjoyed the humor during it all as well! You had a tendency to start off with emotion though and then do action, so try to intersperse it more.

“That might be a bit much for a spar, but that’s what healers are for, right? Mortuus was going to get so sick of seeing Weaver.”


Prose [+1.5]
You had some great writing and especially humorous lines, but I was looking for more imagery and vocabulary to expand on your descriptions. Flow was also impeded often, but I decided to score that under Readability since it impacted that more heavily.

“Oizys may be a spar virgin, but Weaver is only newly deflowered. At least the younger girl looks like she was born for this.”


Readability [+1]
For the most part you had almost no typos and most grammar was correct! However you have a habit of starting sentences in ways that seem like a continuation of your prior sentence - words like “but”, “and”, “because”, etc. are not the correct way to start sentences. It’s easy to dismiss a few times, but each post was riddled with these and it really made things choppy and detracted from your great writing.

There were also a lot of sentences that read as incomplete or fragments because they were really a continuation of the sentence before, but you’d select periods over commas, semicolons, or dashes to continue the thought. Sometimes it was appropriate to end with a period, but then the way you would start your next sentence wasn’t correct, so just review your wording and the way things flow and transition. Reading aloud can help this, because it should roll off easily like a conversation, where as a lot of period or continuations after an end will cause pauses when you talk aloud which should help you notice when that’s off.

P1:
“To make a name.” (incomplete sentence)
“To matter.” (incomplete sentence)
“...and take a blow…” (takes)
“Well, probably, anyway.” (incomplete sentence)

P2:
“...which means she's fucked. From the front and back. Because Oizys has…” (this sentences are jarring. Commas or semicolons would have worked much better here)
“...she’d run away and tire Oizys out some. Or fly away.” (Comma or semicolon instead)
“...akin to a papercut” (paper cut)
“...toward Oizys right shoulder…” (Oizys’)
“...in front her…” (+of)
“...girl’s powerful attacks. Because Weaver’s still…” (Starting this with because makes this sentence seem incomplete.)

P3:
“Weaver doesn’t win. She survives.” (comma, semicolon, or dash instead of period)


Finally tally: 36.5+(6.5*2)= 49.5 HP


OIZYS
Realism [+3]
I was really impressed with how balanced your realism was all throughout the fight. You consistently had great responses and explanations for attacks and defenses, and you incorporated breed/stat differences and the surroundings often and effectively. Your third post did fall flat in some of this regard which ultimately did drag your score down, but your first and second posts were excellent.

I liked the way you used the ice to your advantage in your first post to slide and therefore evade some of the attack, but I would have liked to see the ice also cause problems for you later, because it would be both useful and a hindrance. Your second and third post damages didn’t seem like enough given your injury explanation. For a 3 and up I’d really like something more than a bruise, which if it doesn’t make sense for you to be bleeding, then that bruise better affect you in some way. It is still a 3 so it doesn’t need to be severe, but your descriptions came off more as 2 damages. For instanced in both posts with the heavy bruising, you still moved Oizys’ body as if there was no issue when there should have been a stiffness or reluctance you use that body part which might make your movement/attack less strong/balanced and perhaps cause more issue with the ice.

Also in your third post I didn’t fully understand how Oizy’s sitting further down on her rump would have made her completely miss Weaver’s second kick attack. As it was Weaver didn’t state where she was aiming (and that, if tyouched upon by you could have been enough explanation for why it missed), but if she aimed for your rump and that lowered, I’d still expect it to hit some of your neck/upper body given that that lifted higher in order to lower your rump so much. Doing so also would have helped you take more appropriate damage for a 3.

You did a great job with the surroundings and breed!


Emotion [+3]
I really enjoyed the emotion in this fight and the humor. I constantly felt like I was attached to Oizys and understood everything she was feeling and why she was so motivated. You did well at balancing this with action and carrying the emotion throughout your posts so it was partnered with the action.

“She finds herself oggling the impressive arsenal, wondering if this is what stallions feel like when they catch sight of each other's junk. Is she suffering from the female equivalent of dick envy? “

“She's a spar virgin, and this horn-endowed woman looks like she could be a spar slut.”

“This innate lack of faith in her own abilities, hidden beneath a mask of bolshy, crude bravado, is what makes Oizys suddenly convinced that she only hit because Weaver allowed it.
That's unacceptable.”

“Whilst it may seem churlish to be annoyed about the colour of one's wounds, it's just another reminder that battle is nowhere near as glamorous as Oizys had expected it to be.”


Prose [+3]
Great writing all throughout with an expanded vocabulary, smooth flow, and good imagery.

“...the winged tobiano is the meat in an Oizys and Ker sandwich."


Readability [+2.5]
For the most part no spelling or grammar mistakes. I did find your table a bit hard to read due to the color of the font on the black background and it also seems like small and skinny font.

P1:
“...herself oggling the…” (ogling)

P2:
“He will have won his…” (would have)
“The thought causes her glee at landing her attack to fade somewhat…” (reads awkwardly, I had to re-read a few times to understand)


Finally tally: 54.5+(11.5*2)= 77.5 HP