Neither of us are the same now, standing here in the same place we parted months ago as young, reckless boys who somehow turned our hatred into an unhealthy, twisted moment of hormones, sweat and lust. There was no connection then, with monochrome hides sliding together in tense silence and aggravation, grinding teeth and power filling the quiet between us. When it was over, it was over, there had been no looking back or flirtatious goodbyes, no promise of a next time or a husky thank you. There had been nothing.

And I did not mind it, was not bothered by the emptiness that stretched between Zhu and I, the lack of anything between us. We were not inclined to cling to one another the way some children do, the way siblings so often do in Helovia (what's up with that shit anyway? Is it a trend?). He left Helovia's border that night without a word, and I returned to the hush of the forest, the cold dark nothing of my life and remained there for a passing moment or two before I too grew disinterested in the silence and familiarity. I no longer had my mother's incessant screaming to keep me occupied, to fill my mind with tedious critiques on what to improve on or how to perfect my existence as a whole - there was nothing. Sabre was whisked away by unspoken adventure, by her own curious mind leading her astray, guiding her to a place I, nor my mother or Volterra could find her, and it hurt to lose so much so fast.

I left Helovia on my own, some may call it soul searching, I just call it a change of pace, a look into the world outside of Helovia with it's flawed system and suffocating familiarity. I found that Helovia was so much less, such a small, sultry piece of the whole world, an insignificant speck among a million better places. I had been tempted to linger outside of its borders numerous times, when the men were spectacular, the faces were understanding and adoring, and the land was cultivated - some places had structures taller than mountains peeking above the horizon, looming over its residents and adorned with beautiful detailing, where thrones of gold for mighty kings resided in grand halls with servants at the ready. I had been quick to charm my way into a royal bed, sleeping with the highest powers with no shame in my actions, I'd had a prince and his sire wrapped around my finger and ready to obey my every command - but I left them.

It was not my time, I was not ready for the responsibility that would be brought on by having such power granted to me, by truly appreciating the crown atop my head, by giving it meaning. So instead I left them, abandoned my lavish lifestyle with the king and his son and returned to little Helovia. I chose to grow up, to mature before I stepped into such a high rank, I need to find stability before I can take on such an honour. When I am ready, I will find my place. But it will take time, time that I am still hesitant to commit, but ready and willing to do so.

Bubblegum lingers over the new wounds that have blossomed against midnight skin, the etchings of a warrior in training as Zhu towers before me with wrinkled features. I can already pick up the annoyance in the way he moves his body, twitching his tail as it coils and curls, the way his features scrunch up as he faces me. "Kérem," I scoff, rolling my eyes as the boy man looks down at me. "Teljesen hiányoltál." There's a grin there, coy and playful as I find comfort in the familiar once again, grasping at some old memories of casual taunts spat back and forth between us. It was never as fun as the banter between Ozzy and I, but it was certainly something - I wouldn't say I look forward to it the way I do with Oizys' insults, but I still manage to appreciate it.

I follow him with precise, planned steps, gait casual as I pull up beside him with the intention of continuing the conversation. "Fogd be," it's abrupt and serious, brows furrowed as he rambles something angsty about not truly belonging anywhere (cut the shit Edward, you pale fucker). It was ridiculous to me to hear him be so selfish, to act as though he had no place here (or anywhere), as though he was some free roaming spirit with no familial ties. Wake up and smell the shit, Zhu, there is a family here that's waiting for you whether you like it or not. Sikeax especially, all I can envision is the moment I stumbled upon her in the Fields, with sunken, sorrowful eyes and weary movements. She was ailing, she was pained, I knew as I stood before her that she had been through so much (too much). "Azt hiszem, anyád hiányzott neked." It made me almost mad that Zhu had so easily abandoned a mother who loved him, someone who cared, how could you throw that away?

Perhaps because I never had that, never had a mother that loved me, I felt inclined to slap Zhu upside the head and demand he open his fucking eyes for a moment to realize that he did - instead I just look at him with disapproval, speaking rather aggressively, unafraid of the response I may receive. "Te nagyon hülye vagy."

"Talk."

kid