I was very afraid, and I hoped that she could not sense it. I was afraid that she would reject me, I was afraid that she would find out my secret, that I would be forced to tell her my secret. Would she think less of me for it? Would she look down on me like so many others had, call me a freak and cast me out? Worse, would she watch me with pity in her eyes? Escort me to the borders and send me on my way? Would she tell Kri of my affliction so she could laugh from afar as I lost that home, too? Would I be alone and on the run again, destined to forever avoid family, affection, love?

I watched as an eyebrow raised, and I was unsure if it was confusion or judgment. Her words did not clarify: "What lies in your heart, Tamira?" I swallowed, hard, wishing that I could become very small very quickly. Never before had I felt so naked, so open, so easily read. It was terrifying. More than that, I had never felt compelled to tell someone of my illness, never wanted someone's approval. But something in the quiet, wise way that she held herself, something in the meaningful question - only one - that she asked, made me feel as though maybe, just maybe, I could trust this femme dressed in black.

Or maybe I was making a grave mistake.

Truth is better than lies, I tell myself. I had already laid everything on the line; what did I have to lose? "Fear," I answer her question, and my lyrics ring with honesty. But simply that would not be enough, I knew, and so I continued: "I came here last night looking for Thor, you see, he's the only one who... well, I suppose that's jumping ahead. Um. I'm sorry, I don't... I'm not... I, um, I..." I paused, took a breath, calmed my nerves. When I spoke next the tremor had left my voice, though it was still small, unsure.

"I have been cursed since birth with an illness of the mind, you see. I'm not sure exactly what the nature of it is, but there are times when I lose myself, and I can't remember what I've done. No one has ever understood it, and they feared it, well, me, before I came here. I never told anyone in the Dragon's Throat, but you have to understand, I thought they would make me leave - I'm not convinced that you won't make me leave, begging your pardon, but... truth is all we have, really, isn't it?

"I can feel a blackout coming, you see, I get horrible headaches and I know... so when I got a headache in the Throat, I slipped across the borders and went and hid somewhere. Or tried to, anyway. I went to the Deep Forest, and I met Thor. And he... stayed with me. When I came to my senses, he was there, and he comforted me, and I think he... I think he made it better, but I can't explain how..." I didn't think I was making any sense, but on I went. "So last night, when I felt another headache coming on, I ran here, looking for him, hoping that maybe... maybe he could help.

"And he did, I think. It wasn't as long as normal, and I... woke up, for lack of a better term, a lot faster than I would have alone, and... well, I don't have anything against the Throat, you see, but I think... I think that Thor will help me. I think he can help me get better. I don't want to leave the Throat," my voice was laced with frustration by then. "They gave me a home and that's more than anyone else ever did." Perhaps there was bitterness as well. I realized that I had spoken a good deal more than I had in a very long time and suddenly, I withdrew back into my shell. Would she cast me out? Or could I stay?


"talk"

If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?