| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
T o l i o
more that meets the eye
|
Bitterness changed a person.
Hurt by the scathing words and reminders that he couldn't save her, Phaedra had stomped on his heart and confused him so deeply he had been lost for days. Wandering about, wondering what in the world he had done so wrong. Psyche had scooped him up then, warping his mind. Whispering understanding words, feeding off his hurt anger. Now, it was as if two different people were fighting for control in his body. The original Tolio was still the same old mix of lion and bunny, wanting to fix things with Phaedra at the very least. The new side was much darker, thrived off Psyche's words. It demanded that he stay away from her, that she was unworthy. She had hurt him, why should he try and comfort her? He was better off in the Basin, where everyone wore their true selves like a badge of honor. It may not be good, that badge, but at least he couldn't be manipulated. This side was dying to be a full soldier again, to battle. At times it even whispered for him to join the Plague, for hadn't a pegasus been the one to hurt him? It all gave him a massive headache, trying to separate these two parts of him. A constant battle that drained him to the very core.
Right now he was 'original Tolio' as he had taken to calling it. Gods, he was starting to feel schizophrenic! So naturally he had traversed the lands to the most peaceful part of Helovia. The Secret Grove. He needed to relax, badly. As the ever bright waters appeared, tired mercury eyes softened. The stallion felt as if he had aged a thousand moons. Stepping slowly into the water, letting it ripple around him until he was up to his chest. Red plume floating atop it, white streak nearly blending in with the highlights of the sun hitting the water. The ripples faded and he stared down at his reflection. It seemed colder, harder. Somewhere in these past few weeks, ice had replaced the structure of his visage. Trying in vain to protect his fragile heart from further pain. Having a heart as big as the sky had never been a bad thing before. So why was it that what he'd once seen as a gift had turned into a curse? Sad silver irises stared back at him. Soft sigh left his lips, breaking the image momentarily. Ears flopped to the sides, as if he no longer had the energy to keep them erect. Gazing at the horn upon his crown. It marked him in a way he'd never experienced.
Avira's words of spite rang in his head. For simply carrying this horn, would he always be an object of suspicion? For carrying the scent of the Basin, would he be marked a dangerous criminal? Even if he did not reside in the Plague? Were Helovians really so cruel to place that burden upon his shoulders, when he only stayed out of love, loyalty, and a feeling of honor and duty? Wasn't that a good thing? Could they really judge him so harshly when he had never killed, never harmed an innocent, and still believed in equality? Was he in fact guilty by association? Could he escape it without losing everything in the process? All these questions swirled like a tempest throughout his mind, destroying the last shreds of happiness it found.
So he remained, a bloodied statue in a courtyard of glass. Wishing somehow he could turn to stone, Medusa's stare withering him away. If it would eradicate his pain, he would remain in this lake of dreams for eternity.
|
 |
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE |
|
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None
Aud |
![[Image: 50bfc82451215]](http://images.helovia.net/index.php/view/50bfc82451215)
Stella had successfully snuck up on Levi in the fields, although Phae attributed that mostly to the fact that the grulla stallion was asleep. Stella's movements were still choppy, and the little chick didn't have a firm grasp on where to best place herself, to make the least amount of noise. Still, she was coming along nicely - and was even better in the air. However, there were too many places in Helovia that required one to walk, for Stella to only be stealthy while in flight. So Phae had brought Stella here, to the Grove, where it was usually silent, so that Stella's mistakes would ring out loudly, and could be corrected. The two walked in silence; Phae with her wings tucked neatly by her sides, and Stella's with hers stretched open wide, to aid in balance. Phae could see the frustration on her brilliant yellow face, at being forced to walk, but she bided this patiently enough.
Although the bond between Phae and Stella was mute, the little bird had learned enough about her bonded to know her preferences. So when they entered a small clearing and Stella saw a male unicorn lounging in the waters ahead, she could not have anticipated the reaction he would illicit from Phae. Stella immediately took to the air, spreading her white wings easily. She almost appeared to be a white bird, who had decided to wear black pants, for her thighs and legs were completely black. Gracefully, she dove into the water head-first, her orange-yellow feather less mask breaking the surface easily. As she came up for air, she splashed around happily, letting the water roll off of her feathers. She looked up at the big cinnamon stallion and trilled happily, tilting her head in a manner suggesting curiosity, as she had seen Phaedra do.
NO Phae though urgently, the second they moved into the clearing. She would recognized his burned cinnamon hide anywhere, but the brilliant white streaks in his mane and tail sealed his identity in her mind. She stretched her neck out, hoping to catch the little chick in mid-flight, but was too slow. Tolio was the last stallion she ever wanted to see. An immediate fiery rage exploded in her chest just at the sight of him. She cursed the God's for taking away the mental bond between companions - they could have avoided this if Phae could have called into the little birds' mind. She also cursed herself for not scouting the area first, to ensure that mishaps like this did not happen.
As she stood just on the inside of the ring of trees that held the pool of water that Stella and Tolio now lounged in, she spread her wings defiantly, tossing her muzzle towards the sky. "Stella. To me." She demanded, her voice calm but forceful. She couldn't say here, not with him. She had gained much confidence since their last meeting, but she knew in her heart that it would not hold. That the damn which held back her emotions could only last so long, when she was in such close proximity to Tolio. Deep down, she was also inclined to think that if they both just apologized, that this could be all over…that they could go back to the way things were…But as that thought rolled through her mind, her anger was renewed; she had nothing to apologize for! She had not spoken a single word which was not true. She snapped her tail with agitation as the small bird sulkily remained in the water, flapping her wings and pouting.
I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
|
 HP: 45.5
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
T o l i o
more that meets the eye
|
Presence of another isn't hard to detect. It seems that whoever it is hasn't seen him, for no greeting is said and no sound of surprise or recognition reaches his ears. Tolio remains where he is, in the half chilled water. It is so unlike the springs of the Basin that he is almost glad. His loyalties are another problem weighing heavily on his slim shoulders, and he doesn't want to think over them now. A bird soars overhead, but liquid silver irises don't move to watch it. Even as it tilts its head at him curiously, trilling out in that soft way that only birds have. A voice sounds from behind him and a ripple of tension moves up his shoulders. The fight is back on between the two sides of him. Phaedra. Why did she have to show up now? When all his defenses had been lowered, and he was helpless at her hooves once again? It's like deja vu compared to what happened in the Steppe. He had been unprepared then as well. She is calling her companion to her, and he stares at the bird now. It seems she's been bonded to the creature. How nice. Tolio feels so terribly lonely in that moment and envies her for this special connection.
Her bird doesn't listen, sitting in the water and pouting. If birds can pout that is. The snapping of Phaedra's tail is heard easily, but Tolio has yet to move. Staring down at his reflection once more he lets out a deep sigh. Feeling as if it comes from the very bottom of his soul and shakes the marrow of his bones on the way out. "Is my company truly so unpleasant, even in my silence, that you would wish to flee immediately?" What side is this again? Original, it has to be. His words are far too soft, too sorrowful to be his normal exuberant self. Tolio feels old. In every way. Weary of the entire world. Tired of fighting, of thinking, of always messing up in one way or another. Even so he remains where he stands. Perfectly still, back to Phaedra. Should she wish she could easily attack him and he wouldn't be able to protect himself. Even if he could he would let her. He loved her, of course. But he just didn't understand what he had done wrong.
|
|
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE |
|
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None
Aud |
Phae had prepared for this moment; she had run the scenario of encountering Tolio endless times in her mind. Each time she was witty, poised, beautifully uncatchable, and each time he begged for forgiveness and swore to never speak to that wretched Faelene again. Now however, she only felt small and unprepared for the emotions which washed over her: anger, regret, jealousy, and love. It was a noxious concoction, one which literally made her knees feel weak, and her stomach to twist in knots. Is my company truly so unpleasant, even in my silence, that you would wish to flee immediately? For a moment, she fancied that from this vantage point, she could seriously wound him - perhaps leap onto his exposed back and shatter some vertebrae. It felt good to think of injuring him, as if that act would release all of her built up tension and frustration. But the sooty mare stood immobile next to the ring of trees.
"Your silence is the problem." She heard herself say, voice cold and distant. Later, she would replay this conversation over and over in her head, always finding better things she could have said. For now however, it was the best she could do, regardless of all of her mental preparation; that all seemed to disappear when she saw him standing there. "Stella" She again insisted, moving her gaze from Tolio's back, to the bird floundering in the water next to him. The little bird turned her head upwards, defiantly, like some small child testing their parents boundaries. She extended a wing, and tauntingly splashed water in Phae's direction, awaiting her reaction. However, as the little bird saw the water lob into the air, catching the light, she trilled with delight and began splashing about in the water. Eyeing the large cinnamon stallion eagerly, she flicked water towards him as well, cooing for him to join in her little game.
I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
|
HP: 45.5
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
Tolio.</style>
Tolio, for one, had not prepared himself for this encounter. He had been wrapped up in so many different things, vines that clung to his body and forced him to his knees. Faelene, Psyche, his status, Phaedra, Avira...the battle between the parts of him that never seemed to end. Tolio felt like he was coming apart at the seams, a rag doll that had already fragile stitching. It had been pulled, tossed, beaten, tugged between so many different things. His soul was pouring out in return, the stitches bursting and letting his sanity slip away. He had taken to wandering the Steppe, sleeping in the freezing snow. Where any predator could find him, if hypothermia didn't claim his life first. He was being tugged in so many different directions. It felt like he was truly falling apart, like a mirror that had once been carefully glued but was now cracking apart once more. He had come here for peace, for solitude. And what met him? The one person that had started it all.
Phaedra's voice was cold and spitting when she replied, and he went into a state of numbness. Hearing her call out for her bird as if from a different world. Watching with sightless eyes as the creature splashed about, trying to entice him into joining her game. Then it all broke and he let loose one single sob. Harsh, as if it were a creature that had crawled its way out, scratching and wrecking everything precious on the way up. Tears coated his cheeks in record time, and his lean body shook. Destroying the image he had created in the water as it rippled. Even so he clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to see the monster that met his eyes. He was spiraling out of control and nothing could stop him now. "What is it you want from me, P-Phaedra?" And now dry, cracked laughter was combining with the shaking of his sobs. Almost hysterical as he crumbled. How he remained standing he didn't know. Perhaps it was the last scrap of pride he had, clinging to his marrow desperately. But he wanted to fall, to escape into the water. To drown away his sorrows in a quite literal fashion. Let it fill his lungs, drag him down into its clear depths. But now, he couldn't taint the beauty of a lover's cove. "Wh-What do you want me to say? Huh? Th-That ever since that day, I-I've been broken into two people?! That I hate you, but I want to come crawling back?!" Tolio staggered out of the water, bypassing her. Hardly able to stand. Continuing to walk for only a while before he turned to face her.
Silvery eyes were pained, cracked. Face tight with grief and a hint of anger as the dark side of him struggled for control. "I don't know what I did, Phaedra! One minute, you were my pretty baby sister, and the next you were blaming me, hurting me! You can't make me choose between sisters! I love you both, for different reasons!" Anger swelled up inside him, and he realized that the original Tolio was shrinking away. Blinking hard and stumbling backward as if in a daze, tears filling his eyes once more. Deflating and shaking once more, a broken colt and no longer a proud stallion. He'd always been soft, emotional. "I...I don't know...I don't know...It's like there are two of me a-and...and it's scary..." Voice coming out plaintive, childish. He feared the monster in his thoughts, the one that drove him into anger. The one Psyche had concocted through sweet words and understanding ways. Tolio curled inside himself, shriveling away. "I don't know why you hate me...I don't know what I did...I should have protected you, from Leander...But I just...I just didn't know."
Crown shook and bloody mane fell over his shoulder. Laughing bitterly at himself as he hit his cheek against the nearest tree. Needing to feel the pain to clear his thoughts. "You wrecked me, Phaedra. I don't know right from wrong anymore. All I feel anymore is this all encompassing agony. I hardly speak anymore. All I do is spar, to try and feel something again." Tone softening into a wistful sort of monotone. As if he were speaking in a dream. Always a dream. Always drifting. "I should hate you. I should. And...and sometimes I do. But that's the...the other me. It would probably be easier, you know...hating you. But I can't. Because when I think of you, I think of when I first met you on the beach. I remember your laugh, your smile, your eyes. I remember how quickly we bonded. How happy you made me. And...and suddenly I can't. I should blame you, hate you, but I can't..." And Gods, Tolio sounded so desperate and broken right there that he could hardly stand it and he was the one who had spoken it! Scraping his cheek down the bark once again, feeling small drops of blood appear. Tears fell slowly down his cheeks. Was he going insane? "I-I keep hurting myself...because I deserve it. Whatever I did to make you cry...I deserve this."
[[Oh dear lord I do not know where that came from o_o he went from angry to sad to kind of insane]]
|
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE |
|
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None
Aud |
12-30-2012, 05:33 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-30-2012, 05:39 PM by Phaedra.)
Phae watched mutely as physical emotion overcame the stallion she once loved so - still? That remained to be seen. She heard a sob escape his lips, and watched his frame begin to shake with grief. An overwhelming desire to rush into the water and assuage his pain took hold of her, but she was stuck in place but her pride. What is it you want from me, P-Phaedra She heard him ask, and in that moment, she was almost sure that if she ran to him now, they could put all this behind them. All of this had started with her tears staining his coat - her head pressed against his chest, and it could all end if she allowed him to do the same to her now. But love was a funny thing...as much as she wanted to run to him and console him, to be understanding, another part of her didn't. She wanted him to feel miserable, because he was wrong. And until that part of her felt like he understood that, she felt helpless to aid him.
Her green gaze watched him pull himself from the water. For a moment, her heart caught in her chest and fear overwhelmed her - was he coming to her, to right his wrong? Would it truly end, as she knew it could? But no, he brushed past her, and she could do nothing but listen to him gush his thoughts: Wh-What do you want me to say? Huh? Th-That ever since that day, I-I've been broken into two people?! That I hate you, but I want to come crawling back?! I don't know what I did, Phaedra! One minute, you were my pretty baby sister, and the next you were blaming me, hurting me! You can't make me choose between sisters! I love you both, for different reasons Her ears pinned back as he spoke. He was so wrong!. But before she could correct him, he was continuing again; You wrecked me, Phaedra. I don't know right from wrong anymore. All I feel anymore is this all encompassing agony. I hardly speak anymore. All I do is spar, to try and feel something again.
What was he even talking about? She listened as his voice took on different tones and fluctuations, as if he weren't really talking to her anymore. He had gone from anger, to self pity and sadness and then...he was speaking as if he had been taken over by something. His grief? What does he have to grieve over? She thought bitterly, allowing the darker of her emotional state to take over. Perhaps she did understand what he meant, only she would not lose herself in grief; her dark passenger was full of hate.
"Stop turning this around!" she shouted desperately to make his verbal tantrum end. She couldn't take hearing how much she had hurt him for one more second. He had hurt her!. That was what they were going to discuss. "I came to you, injured in the Steppe! Why did you say you were going to protect me if you couldn't?!" Her voice was loud, but not quite a shout. The accusation was unmistakable, but there was great sadness there as well. She had trusted him - "How do you think I felt, when I came to you, my big brother for comfort, and I see you cooing over the mare who's soap-opera boyfriend did this to me?!" Did he not understand the feeling of betrayal that he had shovelled onto her? By the way Leander had addressed the issue of Faelene when Phae had brought it up, she assumed it was under wraps, but if Faelene and Tolio were as close as Tolio seemed to think, how could he not know? "Did I not offer you and Faelene a home in the Grey, should you need it?! Did I not go to Leander that day to tell him about the Grey too?! All of this, I did for you, because that bitch meant so much to you!" Her dazzling eyes, usually so full of flirtatious laugher now brimmed with large crocodile tears that she refused to let fall. She turned her muzzle towards the sky, begging for gravity to pull the tears back into her eyes, and not down her cheeks. "I came to you! Not to her! And you…you just stood there! You let her insult me and cast me away. You call me your brother and yet you did nothing!" She emphasized each word with ice in her voice.
Then, with a haunting clarity, Faelene's words rang through her mind, You really are desperate for Tolio aren't you....How Faelene seemed to comprehend the emotional depth in the 5 words Phae had spoken, she didn't know. But the bigger question, was did Tolio? She might have told him how she truly felt about him, that day in the Steppe, had things not gone to devastatingly wrong…He let them, the dark part of her mind reminded her, pulling her away from the forgiving effect that her love for him, had on her emotions.
Feeding off of that darkness, she turned to face him, shaking slightly but unable to help herself. "You stood there, and let her cast me away. You let her. You've chosen your family, and made it quite clear where your loyalties lie. You are no brother of mine." Her voice had lost its volume at the end, and had levelled out quite sombrely. This time, she would not run leaving only a feather behind. No, this time she would stand tall and confident, more like his only sister Faelene, than she ever had been. Her slender form still trembled slightly, as if she were physically incapable of holding all of these emotions inside of her at once; yet her head remained high and defiant, even as tears poured down her cheeks.
I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
|
HP: 45.5
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
01-01-2013, 07:48 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-01-2013, 07:51 PM by Tolio.)
Tolio.</style>
Tolio had valiantly been fighting off the anger that simmered just below the tenuous layer of his original thoughts. He would never strike a woman first, though he did not doubt any woman's fighting abilities and therefore had no problem fighting them. The thought of even wanting to hurt Phaedra made him feel physically ill. But as she shouted at him his ears pinned back against his head and he rose to his full height, towering above her in stature even if they stood a full four paces away from each other. Danger glowed in his eyes, warning her silently, but she only continued to shout at him. However when she spoke of him being unable to protect her he snapped. Rearing up and slamming his hooves into the ground as he roared at her. "Unable to protect you?! I cannot see the future! You expect me to know the exact moment you are in trouble?! I can protect you! I am a warrior whether you choose to see that or not!" He was just so angry! How dare she say he couldn't protect her?! He could have taken on Leander the best to his abilities, but how could he have when she was miles away?!
Heat was spreading, taking over their conversation as their anger built between the two of them. She may not have been yelling but he was, and didn't give a damn in that moment. "How the hell was I supposed to know Faelene was with Leander?! She's my sister! I don't go prying into her love life!" Voice spitting out more than yelling this time, telling Phaedra that she was on dangerous ground, insulting Faelene even subtly. "I wasn't cooing over her! We were checking each other for injuries because we had just sparred!" Wondering why he had to defend himself over this. Why in the world did Phaedra care if he was standing close to another mare? Especially one that he considered a close sister?
However her calling Faelene a bitch was too much and his head lowered in a menacing manner, daring her to say it again. "Faelene is no bitch! She doesn't control what Leander does, how can she when we are at complete opposite ends of Helovia?! And how was I supposed to know you did it for me?! You should have talked to me damn it!" Tolio hadn't once asked her to make room for Faelene or Leander. He knew that Faelene was staying in the Basin, so it would have been useless anyways!
The words that came out low and hissing however, were ones he could never have prepared for. His face fell in devastation and his head flung up as if startled, taking a few steps back. Agony came over his visage before it hardened in anger and ice. He wouldn't let her see how much it hurt him, stifling the tears. "I let her cast you away as you say because you had ripped my heart out and stomped on it cheerfully. Even if I had wanted you to stay, I was hardly in the state to speak at all! There's a thing called shock Phaedra, you should look into it." Words cutting and sharp, eyes the same. Refusing to tremble in her presence. He wouldn't give her that satisfaction. "I don't know what your problem is Phaedra, but you are not the pretty little sister I met on the beach. You've changed. Into a wicked, bratty, sneaky, manipulative person. Whether or not I'm your brother I'll love you. You can say all the mean and nasty words you want, right here. Call me a coward, a bastard, weak. Throw it at me, Phaedra! Come on, don't you want to prove a point?!" Voice back to a bellow, puffing up as large as he could get and stalking towards her a few steps.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I DID!" Yelling it at her, pissed and hurt beyond belief. Hooves slamming the ground in anger, forcing himself to take a few steps back away from her. Tolio refused to strike her, though he was sure she did not feel the same. Mercury eyes flashed with hundreds of emotions. And a sudden realization came to him. This isn't you, Tolio. Anger slipped away to show horror at the anger he had felt towards someone he loved so dearly. Quickly moving backwards away from her, knowing what he did was very wrong. Voice slipping to a lower decibel, tone sad and defeated. "You are blind, Phaedra. You won't see that there was no way I could have protected you, simply because I wasn't there and didn't know what was transpiring. I love Faelene, you cannot change that. But I love her as a sister, and only as a sister. If she chooses to love Leander, then that is her choice. I will support her because that is what a brother does. I knew her long before you, but that doesn't mean I love her more. I let her cast you away because you had hurt me, and I was too shocked to speak much less say anything of value because you had destroyed my emotions in a few moments. I was cuddled with her because we were taking stock of injuries. Weren't you and I in a similar position on the beach when we first met? You need to open your eyes, Phaedra, because I never asked you to make room for Faelene and Leander in the Grey. If you would have actually talked to me, let me know of these things, I would have gone with you to meet Leander. I would have let you know that Faelene is far too loyal to leave the Basin." He was going to spell it out for her whether she liked it or not, even if his eyes were stubbornly moist.
Sighing, his chest trembled as he forced himself to take a deep breath and clench his eyes shut. "However, I won't make you take all the blame. I should have tried harder to say something when Faelene made you leave. I should have sought you out earlier. Yes, I should have protected you from Leander, but I couldn't have known where you were or that you were in danger. It's partially on me, I admit that. But sitting here and yelling at each other in our anger isn't going to solve anything. I shouldn't have done it in the first place." Eyes opening once more to lock with Phaedra's. Giving her one last choice.
"You have two choices. You can continue to hate me, and I will continue to love you and wish things had been different. Or you can see what I'm trying to show you, and maybe we can actually talk instead of scream. I want to fix things, Phaedra, but I can't do that unless you let me. I'll admit to being wrong, but you have to as well. It was all a matter of misunderstandings and miscommunication. I don't know why you hate Faelene so much, but I won't push it out of you. It'll probably only end in more screaming anyways." Shaking his head and sighing, retreating from her slowly. Eyes betraying him, sadly showing that he believed quite fully that Phaedra would choose to hate him and fly away with her companion. Tolio didn't believe she would be able to talk it over, not because she was incapable but because he had the worst luck in the world and the Gods had clearly declared that he was not allowed to be happy. "I am saddened to say that I expect you to leave. There's nothing but me to keep you, and you've made it quite clear that you hate me. Whatever you choose, I'll always love you, whether you want my love or not." With those final words he lowered his head and turned to bare his right side to her, unable to watch her leave if that was the choice she made.
|
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE |
|
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None
Aud |
01-03-2013, 12:32 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-03-2013, 10:33 AM by Phaedra.)
Unable to protect you?! I cannot see the future! You expect me to know the exact moment you are in trouble?! I can protect you! I am a warrior whether you choose to see that or not!
"What the hell does protection mean to you then?!" She screamed at him, unable to hold back any longer. "When it's convenient? Just when you're around!? You SAID you would protect me. Point blank. If you can't see the future then you should have been there! You should have never left me!" She hurtled the words at him visciously. Was she being unfair? Maybe - but then again, he was the one who offered her protection. If it had come with so many caveats, she wouldn't be so angry with him. But it hadn't, because she had trusted herself to him. What was more, was that she wasn't even angry about it at all, was she? No; she felt some odd connection with Leander thanks to the ice-storm he rained down upon her, and she was interested to know the implications of what that bond would entail. His lack of protection wasn't what she was angry about - it was his lack of defence, against a different aggressor.
And how was I supposed to know you did it for me?! You should have talked to me damn it! "I DID" She screamed at him again, her voice cracking with emotion as her body fluttering with each forceful word; then immediately shook her head, trying to recall what she had said. "I TRIED TO. I came to the Steppe to speak with you!" Again she shook her head. Why were they talking about this? Why…why were they even fighting? But just as her anger began to ebb even slightly, his words ripped her wounds open afresh. let her cast you away as you say because you had ripped my heart out and stomped on it cheerfully. Even if I had wanted you to stay, I was hardly in the state to speak at all! There's a thing called shock Phaedra, you should look into it For a moment, she wasn't sure she could say anything. Was this the shock he was talking about? The feeling of wanting to ring someone around the neck for being so fucking stupid? Because that's exactly how Phae felt right now - how Tolio had turned himself into the victim here, she wasn't sure. Although she did think it had something to do with Faelene coddling over him. "Were you even there Tolio? I ripped your heart out and stomped on it?! I barely said anything! All I said was that Leander did this to me, and that you should have protected me. Which! You should have. Whether or not you could have is something different, and not what I said."
She lashed her tail angrily, a scarlet blush colouring her cheeks now, as she listened to his tirade continue. Later, she would look back in awe at how fine a line one could walk between love and hate. If the moment could be paused, she would swear that her heart would never yield to him again not after: I will support her because that is what a brother does…I let her cast you away because you had hurt me…. "Is that also what a brother does, Tolio? IS IT? Was I not hurting? Did I not need you in that moment as well? You failed to protect me once, and then selfishly failed to protect me again, from her. You were the one to cause the rift between us, you. Because although you say you love us both equally you don't need us both equally -" Phae's voice dropped off as comprehension and understanding dawned on her, as it did that day in the Steppe. He did need Faelene, more than he needed her. He needed her strength, and her protection. Her friendship in the Basin where Phaedra could not go. She wasn't jealous of Faelene at all…she was jealous of how Tolio felt about her - the need that he had for the red mare, and not for her. She was not strong, she was not steady…Faelene was the tall dark and handsome that the gay stallion needed. He already was gay, what use did he have for something beautiful, shiny, and delicate like her? Emotion washed out of her, and she felt tears begin to sting her eyes again, as she stared hopelessly at the ground, unable to meet his eyes as he continued to lecture her, although he was speaking more softly now.
He retreated from her a few steps, and her head jerked up frantically. Don't go! her mind screamed, but he wasn't. Not yet anyways: I am saddened to say that I expect you to leave. There's nothing but me to keep you, and you've made it quite clear that you hate me. Whatever you choose, I'll always love you, whether you want my love or not. It was like she was living this moment in slow motion. She felt the breeze gently brush across her skin, cooling the heated and irritated flesh. Her green gaze almost looked through him, only landing on his features for a moment before moving, unable to stare too long. She tried not to fall apart as she fumbled for words. What was it she had wanted to say? That she had planned…? She couldn't understand why her mind was blank, when everything was so clear only seconds ago. Her muzzle began to slowly shake back and forth, as tears began to stream down her face, darkening her sooty pelt and pink muzzle. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as she realized that it was all worthless - he had called her wicked, bratty, sneaky and manipulative. What could possibly be said now, to mend this? A small laugh escaped her lips, surprising her for she felt no joy in this moment at all. Maybe it was her self-conscious for laughing at her. Or, maybe it was her future self imposing this laugh for what she was about to do.
She was shaking now, though not from cold. Her narrow frame trembled, but her mental strength was not able to quiet her body and her mind at the same time. "I don't hate you.." She began, her voice soft and wavering with emotion. "I-…" She raised her green gaze to his, her eyes sparkling beautifully as her tears reflected the low light of the Grove. "I…love you." Swallowing hard, her eyes half-rolled as she realized that he likely would not understand. It wasn't just that she loved him, it was that "-I'm in love with you."
I'm in love with you.
Phae could do no more than hold her breath, her eyes pleading for him to say something. Anything. Briefly she considered just flying away. Or maybe she could feign fainting? Pretend this never happened? What had she done…perhaps their friendship was salvageable before but now? Now she would firmly be put in the friend zone. The gay friend zone. What had she even been thinking? But she knew - of course she knew. She was in love with him. She had felt it the first day that they met on the beach - the electricity which flooded her body when they touched. The way she could remain endlessly with his muzzle draped around her withers; her dreams to convince the God's to give him wings, so they could soar together…No. She wouldn't trade any of it, for her heart now truly knew what it meant to love.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
She would regret nothing. She lowered her head, removing her expectant stare from him. "You don't need to say anything" But I wish you would. "I just wanted.." needed "you to know. I know you can't feel the same..." Can you?. As she mumbled, she only said half of what she wanted to, but feared it was already too much.
I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
|
HP: 45.5
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
01-06-2013, 01:47 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-06-2013, 02:14 AM by Tolio.)
Tolio.</style>
Anger swelled in his breast but Tolio refused to continue on yelling, and struggled to force down the need to defend himself. He’d never been much of a yeller, preferring cold silence as a soldier when he had to use it. This raw, burning fire of rage was something completely foreign to him, and he didn’t like it. It didn’t feel like he was the one in control, and he wasn’t going to let that other side take over. He didn’t want Phaedra exposed to that. She didn’t deserve that in the least. Even in the midst of the heated fight they were in, he refused to show her the monstrosity that Psyche had created. It hurt him to know that he had even been weak enough for it to be established inside him. Calm, defeated eyes met hers as she screamed at him. It reminded him far too much of that day in the Steppe, surrounded by snow and frost and watching as his entire life was torn apart in a few vital moments. What he wouldn’t give in order to turn back time and redo that entire encounter. "Protection means I would give my life in order to keep you from being harmed." Answering her first question with a deliberate, measured tone. Refusing to fall prey to that strange anger that hissed for vengeance, that a Pegasus should never speak that way to him. It sickened him, made him want to run his horn through his own chest. Psyche had wormed her way in, and he both hated and respected her grudgingly for that. ”I had to leave you. I have a duty to my home. I can’t suddenly disappear. But you’re right, I should have been there. And if I could, I would turn back time and do just that. But I can’t.” Fixing his eyes firmly on her as he said this, showing her that he was being dead serious. That squabbling over it now wouldn’t fix anything. He knew he should have been there, but again lack of communication mixed with a lot of misunderstandings had been their downfall. Both had made tiny mistakes that in the end all collected into a few really large ones.
She was screaming at him, and he almost felt pity for her. But no, that would mean he was above her in some way. They were both ruined here, both of them affected by what had happened between them. Bad decisions made in the heat of the moment. ”But you should have come to me before you went to Leander. Before you tried to have us accepted by the Grey. It should have been before then, Phaedra. I won’t put the blame on you, but if you had come earlier a lot of this would have been prevented.” He refused to say that she never should have made decisions for him, especially not without his knowledge or approval. Tolio was trying to stop them from fighting, not encourage it. If he got this screaming to stop, then his thoughts could remain hidden for as long as he chose. While she responded to what he’d said about that day in the Steppe, he chose to keep his mouth firmly closed. Watching her with sad, dull eyes. Her words hurt him, but she was only on repeat. Yes, he got it. He should have been there. The guilt was already heavy on his shoulders, but he silently allowed her to pile more on top of it. Refusing to play into it, to yell back and sling more words that would only hurt them both. If she didn’t understand his silence then he would only continue it until she did. Tolio wanted to talk about it in a civil manner, not scream themselves hoarse trying to defend themselves from someone they never should have to. He loved her too much to ever wish to have to defend himself from her accusations. It was surreal, alien. He’d never anticipated this.
And again he remained silence as she spat at him in her rage over his brotherly duties. Eyes only widening when he realized what Phaedra was really angry about. At least he finally understood what she was angry about in one area. He needed Faelene to keep him solid, keep him grounded. He relied on her, she kept his head from drifting off too high in the clouds in his bunny phase. Phaedra on the other hand, he needed her to keep him happy. Needed someone to care and coo over, to love on. Tolio simply had too much love to give, and Phaedra had been so willing to accept it. It was true, he realized. He needed them differently. Her eyes sparkled; he could see them though she looked at the ground. Knowing that her own thoughts were bringing her to tears- that he had brought her to that point- only piled on the pounds upon his back. He felt like a pack mule, lugging around all that guilt and self-hatred. And it was then that they both fell into limbo.
He remained where he stood having backed away from her, watching her with mercury eyes that were broken and hurt beyond a point he could have ever anticipated. Feeling as if there was nothing in the world that could stray his gaze. The tears that streaked down her cheeks and over the precious, familiar lines of her visage made his heart ache. She was so infinitely precious to him, and the sight made him want to run up to her and wipe them away with his muzzle in a parody of soothing kisses. To reacquaint himself with her touch, her smell. The way they fit together. It all seemed too fuzzy in his mind, and he didn’t like that one bit. Had it really been so long? That her memory was actually starting to fade? The details were slipping his mind, and he didn’t like it one bit. A bitter laugh escaped her lips and what was left of his heart withered away further. He never desired to hear such a harsh sound come from her, not someone so pretty and untouched. Tolio had been the one to make that sound, and he wondered then how it was possible that he didn’t crumble under the weight of his own hatred. He truly wished he could kill himself in that moment. Perhaps Phaedra and Faelene would be happier that way. Both would undoubtedly be safer, with Psyche and the Basin away from Faelene and Phaedra respectively. If only he knew how. Maybe he could just waltz into the Throat and declare himself a part of the Plague. That would surely earn him a death sentence.
Thoughts of his death vanished as he watched her begin to shake, the beginnings of a sentence falling like scattered raindrops to his ears. Relief washed over him when she proclaimed that she didn’t hate him, face relaxing and smoothing out as if the entire weight pressing down on him had been momentarily lifted all at once. Turning confused but endearing visage to her when she proclaimed she loved him. Well of course, he loved her too. They’d already admitted to loving each other in the beach, when they’d first met! The doe seemed to have anticipated this and clarified in an instant. Face went slack with shock and he stared at her with round, boyish eyes.
I’m in love with you.
How long was he silent? He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Was he breathing? Dear Gods was he dead? Because of a love confession? That would be a terrible way to die. Finally he sucked in a rush of breath and instantly felt dizzy. Yep, hadn’t been breathing. Now, what to say. Think, Tolio, think! Then a soft, firm echo came from inside his chest. No. Don’t think. Say what comes from the heart. Tell her the truth. But what was the truth?
She saved him from this battle by speaking again, similar to his last parting sentence when asking if she would leave. Couldn’t feel the same? Was he wrong? Did he love both genders? Tolio hadn’t ever really been in love. Sure he’d had man-crushes, found certain males attractive. Knew for a fact that he liked the male gender, and nothing would change that. But…he also didn’t know what love was necessarily. Did he love Phaedra? Was that why he loved her and Faelene differently? Oh Gods, but he would do anything to wipe the agony from her face. The doubt mixed with that urge, and maybe that was why he spoke what he did. His love for her mingling into something else. ”I…Phae…I-I love you too…I just…” Eyes blown wide, face showing how lost he was; but also displaying the honesty in those words. He wasn’t lying when he said that. ”I-I’m just…shocked…is all.” Taking a tentative step forward, consumed by the need to feel her warmth again. To use his height to drape his muzzle over her flanks in the loving embrace they’d found themselves in when they’d first met.
I’m giving you my heart again, Phaedra. Do with it what you wish.
|
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE |
|
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None
Aud |
It seemed like an eternity had passed before Tolio spoke. Phae could feel her body shake and tense as she stood, feeling like a ship tossed at sea, and having no firm bearings to latch onto. Surely Tolio thought she was mad - they barely knew each other but...but this feeling was so tangible, that it was not to be ignored. Couldn't he understand that? Couldn't he...But her mind allowed her to be placed in his shoes, as she thought of Levi, and his request to speak with her privately. She saw the flirtatious looks he shot her, but moreso she noticed the lingering stares, the way he seemed to be affected when they touched could he...possibly be in love with her? And what would she do, if that situation presented itself, as she was now forcing on Tolio? Actually, she had no idea. It felt fast...uncertain. Her body softened as she wandered along this line of reasoning. Tolio must feel completely bombarded by this selfish announcement on her part. He was probably wishing that she had simply kept this information to herself, leaving them to simply be. But instead, something forcefully within her compelled her to speak to him, to tell him. She owed him a thousand apologies, if only he would speak.
As his head raised to look at her, time seemed to suddenly stop. Before, time was passing, only it seemed unbearably slow. Now however, everything seemed frozen in space, except the two of them. I…Phae…I-I love you too…I just… Oh my Gods.. She thought. Here it was. The friend zone speech. She felt her heart start to flutter in preparation for the heartache, but it never came. Shocked? He was shocked? Well...well, that wasn't outright rejection. Shocked... She could work with that. Before her mind could formulate a plan and decide what exactly being "shocked" might entail, he was moving towards her. She felt her body stiffen again, as if she expected him to attack her. Her eyes were wide with wonder and hope as he moved closer, and as if in a dream, she felt his neck against her flank. It was all she could do, to not drop to her knees right then and there. Without realizing that she had been holding her breath, she suddenly exhaled a single sob into his neck, as fresh tears began to flow. But these tears did not sting her eyes, as her rage had caused them to do earlier. No. These tears felt calming, healing. As if all of her anger could flow out of her, all of her mistakes could simply be washed away.
Standing there, hidden in the grove with him, was euphoric. In that moment, Phae didn't think she had ever truly felt so wonderful. Her heavy heart was suddenly lifted - the weight born by the lovely cinnamon stallion. He was there for her now, even if he hadn't been before, and suddenly everything seemed right. Nothing could match this feeling of climax, of joy. She arched her next towards him, eagerly returning his embrace. She buried herself against him, allowing her tears to be absorbed by his warm body. She inhaled his scent, as if it were the only thing keeping her alive. She gently raised her tawny wings, wrapping the one closest to him, up and over his withers, the other in front of his chest, to fully embrace him. Although she was smaller, and even slenderer than He, it was all she could do to hold him close. "I'm so sorry" She whispered as soon as her throat would let her, mumbling the words into his soft coat.
Standing there, she wondered what would happen next. She wanted to be by his side - after the past few days, and the incredible distance their fight had put between them, she couldn't bear to be without him. But...if he had joined the Basin, he would surely be cast out for even a friendship with a pegasus, even one who had offered assistance to Psyche's group. Later... her mind cooed, urging her simply to enjoy the moment.
Stella, however, was not enjoying this moment. Things had grown far too quiet. She had buttoned-up as soon as the two started yelling, but now that things appeared to be alright, she was annoyed that they were just standing there. Flapping her wings loudly onto the water, using the large flat side to create the most noise, Stella glared at them both. Chittering, she cupped water with her wings, and flung it in their direction, and although it didn't go far enough to reach either of them, her point was clear. Play with me!.
I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
|
HP: 45.5
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
Tolio.</style>
The instant connection when they’d first met had been undeniable, that much was true. It had snuck up on them, pounced before either could object. Even on the beach when they’d first met, Tolio had been helpless to stop the instantaneous affection that had budded in his heart. It was such a sudden confession, and he was so dizzied by it. Unable to figure out what to do, how to handle it. How in the world could Phaedra love him after all? He really wasn’t anything special. In fact, he was gay! But it seemed his heart had carved out a special notch, just for Phaedra. She was the exception. But really, what did she find so attractive in him? He was a goofball of epic proportions, and had a strange dark side that appeared out of nowhere. Hardly masculine at all, and she was so beautiful that he couldn’t see why she’d go for a guy like him. Had expected her to swoon over some large, quiet stallion that would treat her like a princess. Yet she’d confessed her love to him, him! The boyish, touchy, outgoing stallion that was hardly mature enough to be considered an adult!
Even so his words formed, pouring out on a wave of honesty before he could stop it. But was it best to really stop it? Even if it was, they were already out there. Already touched her ears- influenced her. He couldn’t gather them up as if they’d littered the ground, stuff them back in his mouth followed by all four of his hooves. Yet he didn’t regret saying them. Somewhere in the back of his mind logic tutted at him, telling him he shouldn’t be making such a rash decision. Did he truly love her, as she loved him? But the emotions in his chest were confusing him, and it sure felt like it. So why should he lie? Thought could come later, after all. He just wanted to hold her, erase the damage done by the words they’d flung at each other like knives. So he did, stepping forward until their sides brushed together. Nostalgia coming to him, remembering that day on the beach clearly. It seemed fuzzy, like it had never truly happened. In a completely different time and world, where both of them were happy and oblivious to the storm that was headed their way. Tolio felt her sob into his neck and held her tighter, knowing he could do nothing else to soothe her. Words could only go so far. Sobs sounded nearly relieved, tears staining his neck even as he held her patiently. Waiting for it to blow over, for her to regain the composure she held so very well.
Once it was over she returned the embrace, eagerly. Wings wrapping around them, a cocoon of warmth and relief that formed around them a physical barrier. Creating their own little bubble, far away from the rest of the world. Nothing could touch them. Nobody could harm them. For once she did not seem the strong and vibrant mare he knew. No. Now, in his grasp, she felt small and frail. Like glass. And he swore never to harm that surface ever again, consciously or otherwise. Two words were breathed into his skin, and it took him a few long moments to discern what she had said. He was so caught up in his thoughts, in her, to pay attention to anything else. When he did though, he gently passed his muzzle over her side and back, comforting her and washing away the words with his touch. ”There is nothing to be sorry for, Phaedra…” Voice cascading into a deep, husky sound. Thoughts flew through his mind, trying to clamor for his attention. Screaming at him that this, right here, would force him to leave the only other home he’d ever known. He stayed only out of hope that Mauja would return, and for Faelene. But Faelene could handle herself, he knew that. Nothing would keep him from loving her, seeing her. Phaedra’s scent calmed him, pushing those thoughts away. He could deal with them much later. At that moment, all he wanted was to remain in their embrace for as long as possible.
Stella, on the other hand, did not want that. Trilling and splashing water at them almost poutily. Tolio chuckled and pulled away unwillingly from Phaedra, though he remained close. Looking over at the bird, amused. ”Stella, we can play later. I promise.” Doubting she understood what he was saying. He wasn’t her bonded after all. Turning back to Phaedra, mercury eyes showing he meant what he’d said to the bird. This time was for them. The light was cascading down on Phaedra’s face, illuminating the drying tears on her pretty face. Brightening the color of her eyes, the open visage he had longed for since that disastrous day in the Steppe. He’d never seen her look so beautiful. Crying or not, she was the most amazing creature he’d ever seen standing before him stripped completely bare. Something deep and instinctual tugged at his chest and he slowly drew his muzzle up her cheek towards her ear. Reveling in the softness. ”Phaedra…” Voice dropping lower, almost seductively. An unheard question lingered in her name, the magic of the Grove working its way into his veins. Stepping closer, drawing up to the full height he possessed. Darkened eyes staring deeply into hers. Waiting for her to give him an answer, verbally or otherwise.
He was too far gone in the electricity to stop it.
|
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE |
|
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None
Aud |
Phaedra</style> & from your lips she drew the hallelujah</style>
There was only this; only him. And if there was never anything again, that would be alright.
She would always have this moment - and in her darkest hours, she would again return to the grove in her mind, to this very moment, and lose herself completely in it.
In him.
Unknowingly, he had opened her heart in a way that no one else ever had. Ever could. His stumbling ways - boyish looks and fits of laughter; His mercury stares and 'bunny' side. He was everything she never knew that she wanted - everything she craved and desired. All the other men who vied for affections faded away next to the idea of this flamboyant cinnamon stallion. Why had they even fought in the first place? Of course she remembered, but it seemed to small and faraway when coupled with his embrace. Nothing would matter, if they stayed like this. Faelene..the Basin, Leander…
I love you's danced through her mind, as he assured her she had no reason to be sorry. "When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home…" She whispered, her voice light and airy, but quiet at the same time. As if any noise too great would break the mysterious lull which had fallen around them. What would it take to make or break this hint of love? As he moved his embrace farther down her spine, her heart seemed to stop and catch in her chest. There was something about him that made her feel so alive. It was as if he had suddenly bloomed into something that she was helpless to resist.
But of course, wouldn't have even if she could.
As Tolio pulled away to address her companion, Phae finally had a moment to catch her breath. She felt like laughing, and screaming and crying all at the same time - an emotion which forced a smile onto her pink muzzle, and her breath to catch in her throat. She missed his embrace already, but was too full of I love you's to mentally chastise her companion for drawing away his attention. Away… She thought to Stella, at the same time Tolio spoke to her. Narrowing her eyes, the small bird, in a huff, took to the air and out of sight. As he turned back towards her, Phae suddenly felt like some innocent filly again, feeling the wonders and excitement of a male encounter. She felt new again with him, untouched and meant only for him. As he took another step, a tantalizing warm rush spread through her belly and legs. As his lips softly brushed her ear, she tilted her head gently into his touch, her mane softly falling against them.
Phaedra… Just hearing him speak her name in such a husky voice nearly reduced her to her knees, but she managed to stay standing. Raising her muzzle, her clear green gaze, so full of love and lust met his. There were no words for the feeling that had warmly encompassed her body. Only some deep primal need to have him close. She could feel a crimson blush colouring her cheeks, but in that moment, the way he was looking at her, she had never felt more beautiful. I love you, she thought helplessly as her need overcame her; forcing her towards him until they were as one.
|
HP: 45.5
| User-based Random Event |
| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
| |
NPC</style> & every breath we drew was hallelujah</style>
Just how did the gay stallion and the flirtatious mare find themselves together in the Secret Grove? If you have ever been in love before, you will understand how such things come to pass.
A breeze stirs through the grove, gently rustling the branches and leaves. Almost knowingly, the willow branches seem to self-braid themselves with the help of the wind, ultimately cutting off the sooty mare and cinnamon stallion from view.
What are they doing, you ask? Surely if such questions linger in your mind, then you have no place in the Secret Grove. For now, let us let them be, and finally have the moment that Phaedra has so desperately been craving for. Will her charms, effective on so many others, find their way into the heart of the gay stallion?
Only time shall tell.
& remember when I moved in you,
The holy dove was moving too.
& every breath we drew was hallelujah.
|
|
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⇒
My Bleeding Heart, In Your Hands [Closed, Phaedra]
