| Outcast |
| Mare :: Equine :: 14.3hh :: four years |
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Rathunax :: Common Red Dragon :: Shock Breath
cailyn |
01-16-2013, 11:19 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-16-2013, 11:46 PM by Nayati.)
I'll take you for who you are if you'll take me for everything</style>
Svetlana was dead.
Dead.
It was not something Nayati should have ever heard. How she had obtained the information was simple. Rumors spread quickly, and battles, especially ones that ended in death, were always famous somehow. Nobody ever noticed the shy sweetheart that lingered in the woods. Completely without parents. Abdullah and Romani had been scarce, her only friend being Bale whom she loved dearly. But...Svetlana. First she had been banished, but now...Nayati would never feel the comfort of her wings. The warmth of her side, the loving, gentle tone of her voice. The dark black of her eyes that only ever held patience and love towards Nayati. Never again would she be called precious, beautiful. The image of Svetlana is burned vividly into her memory, but imagining it bloodied and dulled by death makes her stomach lurch and tears cloud her vision. Nayati can still remember the softness of her coat, the tenderness in her touch when she had found the spotted girl half dead in the snow. Why had she been killed? What had Svetlana done to deserve such a horrible end? And why, why had they ripped her beloved mommy away from her so soon?
The tears and hysteria had attacked her earlier, seized her chest in a panic attack she hadn't had in nearly a month. Nayati refused to let herself succumb to the tears and gasping sobs again. No, she'd had her breakdown. Now, she just felt numb. Walking with perfect control, though she was worlds away. Ever since she was conceived she'd been named a devil, a mistake. Nobody loved her, and nobody ever would. Had Mother's curse followed her all the way to Helovia?
The scar throbbed on her side, reminding her of the thud of hooves that split her open and beat her into submission. Hated. Nayati was hated. Abby, Roma, and Bale were the only ones she had left, and she was desperate to keep them near. Ruby eyes drifted slowly over the greenery that she knew so well. It was the only thing she knew other than the places she'd been with Mother and the frozen land of the Threshold in Frostfall. "Nothing left..." she whispered, pained. All alone, that's how she felt. Where were her loved ones? Why did they all stop seeking her out when she needed them the most?
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Credit
the rose shadows said that they loved the sun, but they also loved the dark,
where their roots grew through the lightless mystery of the earth. the roses said: you do not have to choose.
![[Image: 50f755c1acbd5]](http://images.helovia.net/index.php/view/50f755c1acbd5)
I n s a n i t y
The mossy grass underneath Insanity's hooves comforted her. She wasn't scared - just nervous. She wasn't one to get nervous very often, so the sight of the mare was certainly a new one. Her eyes were devouring everything they saw, anxious in a way. The position of leads were shaky; they had been constantly changing lately. Svetlana was dead, the Dauntless had been chased off, and even Evers was gone.
Any hope Insanity had for her herd to become strong and glorious had dwindled down to a nub. She wasn't sure the young King of Thieves could lead the herd properly, then again, she had never met him. Her pessimistic outlook on Jackal was related to the mate she had once had, a stallion with the same name. He had betrayed her...
The daunting thoughts of the King of the Dead filled her mind, anger swimming through her chocolate orbs. Any 'love' he had said he felt for her was ruined, demolished by his foolish acts, and her own. She partly blamed herself for loosing his heart, after all, she was the one who ran. But it only proved that the pair couldn't commit to each other.
It was then that Insanity's mangled thoughts broke as a spotted figurine caught her eye. A young filly was sobbing silently to herself, not too mindful of the black beast that stood behind her. The child was tearful as she whispered something to herself that Insanity couldn't quite make out.
"Child," Insanity began, looking at the leopard coated filly quizzically, "why is sadness ruling your emotions?" The question lingered in the air as she awaited patiently for the filly to respond. Her mahogany eyes still dripped of anger mixed with an amplitude of feelings underneath the cold and collected mare's facade.
[OOC: I hope you don't mind Insanity barging in cx]
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| Outcast |
| Mare :: Equine :: 14.3hh :: four years |
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Rathunax :: Common Red Dragon :: Shock Breath
cailyn |
I'll take you for who you are if you'll take me for everything</style>
Tears don’t come. Shouldn’t they come? When Svetlana had been stolen, Nayati had been frantic. Rushing about trying to find where she had gone, believing her to have disappeared on purpose. After all why would Svetlana, a magnificent mare in Nayati’s eyes, want a tiny broken doll like Nayati? She’d split open her scars that day, and Romani had found her dazed and crying her eyes out, bleeding on the floor of her home. So why, why wouldn’t the tears come now? It seemed that all she had left of Svetlana were small, beautiful memories. Nothing substantial, not any longer. Chest heaved with a few sobs, but they were sporadic and small. She had cried herself out, draining nearly all her energy in trying to refuse to acknowledge that Svetlana would not be returning this time.
So lost in her thoughts, the cinnamon spotted filly was oblivious to the approach of a mare she did not know. Ruby eyes stared down at her hooves, tiny and pure white against the brilliance of the emerald that seemed to infest the Foothills. Words were all that drew her listeners, flickering towards the sound. Small head drew up in return, looking slightly over her shoulder at the coal coated femme. Her eyes were mixed with conflicting emotions. Nayati could only discern anger, but it didn’t seem to be directed at her. Even if it had, Nayati was too numb to care. Hopeless gaze remained on the mare’s cold, impassive face. Words slowly building, as if it took time to even gather her thoughts. ”Svetlana is dead…she was…” Throat worked hard for a moment and eyes flickered briefly before Nayati controlled herself and closed her eyes briefly. ”She was like my mommy. Now…now I dunno…I dunno what to do…” Voice choking up in tiny, childish despair. Hardly a whimper. Fragile body sagged and she turned to face Insanity fully. It was only polite after all. ”I…I’m Nayati,” she whispered weakly, dully. Like speaking her name was of no importance. It was as if she had no more spirit left, it had to heal and rebuild itself before she could ever feel the same again. Such a beautiful day, and yet innocent eyes were blind to it. Focusing only on the cold mask that the ebony female wore, feeling as if she had been slowly frosted from the inside out, unable to feel until it thawed out. Shock, she supposed.
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Credit
the rose shadows said that they loved the sun, but they also loved the dark,
where their roots grew through the lightless mystery of the earth. the roses said: you do not have to choose.
I n s a n i t y
”Svetlana is dead…she was…she was like my mommy. Now…now I dunno…I dunno what to do…” The poor creature sniffed a little. Oh the pity I took on its poor soul. I knew what it was like to be abandoned and unwanted as well, but I had turned into a twisted being. The innocence of this babe would not be spoiled - not if I had a role in this charade.
I moved gracefully to stand by the filly's side as she continued to talk, but my eyes remained on the scenery before me. ”I…I’m Nayati,” spoke the child, her words plagued with nothingness. I continued to stare at the mountains, my face cold, and my mind slowly pushing the King of the Dead of my thoughts. Those damn mountains. They were lucky, they felt nothing while we were here wallowing in our own sadness.
I let Nayati's words sink in a moment, leaving us in silence before I snapped the quiet air like a twig underneath my hoof. "You may call me Insanity," I began, still staring into the unknown surrounding the Foothills, "I know how you feel, child. For I, too, am alone without my family. Yet, you must realize something, Nayati. You must find the strength to move on, to find your smile, or end up like me," I whispered the words. The words were chilling, laced with a daunting attribute that I was good at forcing into my words.
But in some cases, that daunting tone was not forced out of my lips, sometimes it came naturally as it did just then. I couldn't bring myself to look into Nayati's eyes, let alone look at her face at all. I knew my knees would give way, I would be left a sobbing mare, crumpled on the ground, for this filly reminded me far too much of myself, of the young and proud spirit I used to be, but was now not. I was an empty shell. Icy hands had crushed my heart far too long ago for it to be repaired now.
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| Outcast |
| Mare :: Equine :: 14.3hh :: four years |
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Rathunax :: Common Red Dragon :: Shock Breath
cailyn |
I'll take you for who you are if you'll take me for everything</style>
Crown no longer had to twist to see the dark mare as she moved to Nayati's side. Their eyes never met but the little filly didn't mind. Insanity was not like Romani or Abdullah, and for some reason Nayati was grateful for it. Someone who could tell her, in blunt terms, how hard it was going to be and how to get past it. Silence fell upon them like a blanket of snow, muffling and muting everything until it was almost like white noise in her head. How long they both stood there staring out at the horizon, the youngling didn't know and didn't care to find out. Time was meaningless to her at that point. Briefly she wished to find Bale, but didn't want to press her problems onto him. Yanked out of her thoughts by Insanity speaking, she turned one ear her way and let her gaze drop back down to the ground while she took it in. Her name was gifted, and Nayati held it close. Insanity may not be the loving type, but already Nayati was thankful that she did not try to comfort or pity her.
Wisdom came from her lips, cold and aloof. Nayati felt bad for her, having to understand this horrible feeling in her chest. Wishing that what they'd experienced on their own had never happened. Neither of them deserved it, so why had it happened? Nayati wanted to be bitter, but Insanity's words warned her against it. Head rose slightly and she took a long, deep breath. Momentarily closing her eyes. She felt small and weak, helpless to the agony that resounded in her heart like the beating of a drum. But Insanity's words had gone straight into her heart, telling it to be strong or she would crumble and become broken. Insanity didn't deserve to be broken, but the filly could not go into the past and stop whatever it was that had happened to her. "I never knew how hard smiling through pain was..." she whispered dully, feeling years older than her meager months. "But...But I will try. I'll find my smile, I promise..." And though she didn't turn her head to look at the mare, she was directing her next words directly to her. "Will you help me? Will you keep me walking straight? I am sorry for whatever has made you like this, but for you I will try not to follow that path." Insanity deserved that at least, though she could also be enraged by what Nayati had said. The filly didn't know, she hardly knew her at all. But if she was to keep moving, she had to make sure she did it the right way.
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Credit
the rose shadows said that they loved the sun, but they also loved the dark,
where their roots grew through the lightless mystery of the earth. the roses said: you do not have to choose.
I n s a n i t y
Insanity huffed at Nayati's words. They didn't infuriate the black mare, they almost amused her. Why anyone would ask her for guidance, she knew not. But something about the child...maybe she needed her. Insanity herself was a frightful sight, cold and distant, her words rarely altruistic. She was not born a rancorous soul, but was forced into her tyrannical ways. The mare could've stopped herself from changing, but didn't. She was far too lost at the time to do so, and that's why she was going to help Nayati.
"I will help you," Insanity sighed, lifting her head high as she turned to face the spotted filly, "but you must not stray from the path I will lead you, you must not muddle your thoughts, and above all, you must keep your precedence pure. Can you do that for me, Nayati?" Her face was serious, any glimmer of anger or amusement gone. Her austere eyes could've startled anyone, the cold glare residing beneath them brimming at the edges, but Insanity had no control over the look in her eyes.
Her thoughts now were focused on how she could help the filly. 'Friends are nice for those who are astray,' she thought, but dismissed the idea abruptly. She hadn't needed friends when she was adrift in the world, she had needed to open her eyes to the brilliance of life that surrounded her. And that was exactly what she was going to lead Nayati to. A way to opening her clenched eyes.
[OOC: okayy. done with experimenting with first person writing >.<]
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| Outcast |
| Mare :: Equine :: 14.3hh :: four years |
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Rathunax :: Common Red Dragon :: Shock Breath
cailyn |
I'll take you for who you are if you'll take me for everything</style>
Loneliness and fear were best friends, always connected at the hip. And between them they kept Nayati pressed close, never letting up, always cackling down snowy ears. Behind them trailed self-hatred and low self-esteem, the twins that would appear to take up residence at her sides when the previous two would grow unhappy with whatever company she had found. Life wasn’t easy, though perhaps it was a good thing Nayati had never been fooled as a babe that it was. Though she was hardly two seasons old, she felt far too wise and old. Though wise was not a good word. Worldly, maybe? Ruby eyes, the color of passion, had only ever acquainted the color with that of blood and pain from all she had seen. Most of it in her own distorted reflection. Insanity seemed to have gone through similar twisted trials, though Nayati fervently hoped it was later on in her life. Now, Nayati needed her guidance in order to preserve what was left of her hidden innocence. Beneath all the feelings of the quadruplets that followed her every move she was still pure inside, but Nayati feared that it was going to become tainted if she did not do something. Looking at Insanity, the princess didn’t feel pity. Pity was a terrible thing to feel towards someone else, for it put them below you. No, Nayati felt a sense of understanding and sympathy towards the mare. She didn’t deserve the hardships of life, none of them, and Nayati almost wanted to blame the gods. Logic cut right through that childish concept. The gods did not decide their every step, did not throw obstacles at them out of cruelty. What did they care for the lives of mortals, who were a mere blink in the existence of their souls? No, you controlled your own fate. Hating the gods merely made you childish, someone pointing the finger because you could not turn it on yourself. Nayati would not become that person, for she would control her own future whether others liked it or not.
Dark eyes turned and Nayati met her gaze solidly, no longer afraid of the darkness she was possibly stumbling into. Insanity had already paved the way before her; all she had to do was follow. ”I can. I may falter, but I can and I will. I will find my smile, because there is too much darkness in this world to move through it with a cloud above your head to add to the smog.” Wise words from one so young, speech far older than her meager four months of life. At this age she should still be stumbling over words, but life had never been fair. Some were chosen to grow faster in order to survive, but it made them all the stronger in the long run. Looking on that side instead of the growing darkness was a better decision, in Nayati’s mind. No doubt the journey would be hard. Nayati would probably curse everyone and everything at some point, crumble to pieces, but she would pick herself up because she had worked too hard to simply live.
She would live for Svetlana, who had given her that life back when she had been too weak to continue on.
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Credit
the rose shadows said that they loved the sun, but they also loved the dark,
where their roots grew through the lightless mystery of the earth. the roses said: you do not have to choose.
![[Image: 510065ef6d419]](http://images.helovia.net/index.php/view/510065ef6d419)
I n s a n i t y
The wise words that flooded from the little foal's maw began to renew a little hope for her in Insanity's eyes. 'This one might just make it...if she's lucky,' she thought to herself, a smile curling up upon her lips. Nayati had accepted her more than generous offer of letting her pave the road to a future of happiness, which was going to be more than fun for the black mare.
"Your words are wise," Insanity began to turn around walking towards the line of trees behind the pair, "but they will not help you walk, little filly." She spoke not of where she was going, not even expecting Nayati to follow. The filly could follow if she pleased, but Insanity had other thoughts kindling in her shadowed mind.
The black mare walked leisurely up the small slope, going at a slow pace with her head down. The filly could be of use to her, for her quest for a silver fox. Insanity had been disappointed when she had heard of the quest the Earth God had bestowed upon her; just randomly popping up in a conversation she was not a part of, and then not getting caught by the horses who were speaking was not going to be something she could easily do.
Maybe she could send the filly out on her own, then follow the young and see where her hooves lead her. It was a promising plan, yes, but the chances of the filly catching her was great. After all, Nayati would know her scent fairly well by now. It could always be worth a shot...
walk walk walk
talk talk talk
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