Question inspires a sort of panic that Rowan detects quickly, and again with the confusion. Emotions confuse her, and distress her even further. She doesn’t understand what she could have possibly said to make Sohalia suddenly scramble for an answer. Surely it is not that hard or intrusive of a question to answer? But what does Rowan know? Deciphering social norms and interactions isn’t something she normally busies herself with, but this past half season she has found herself doing just that. Maybe it is a deeper desire to finally belong, to be normal, but she feels defeated to see Sohalia suddenly unable to answer her. It is not permanent of course, and she does speak with time.

Her smile and laugh is usually comforting, but now it just feels like Sohalia is hiding something from her, and Rowan feels like her heart is slowing in its rhythm, protesting the weight pressing into it. Emotions are pesky things. Brief upturn of lips follows her words, for Rowan does agree on that point. It is nice to catch up with her best friend, but the feeling of having the- what was the expression again- the wool drawn over her eyes? Yes, she believes that is correct- keeps her from fully enjoying it. The idea of Cassiopeia teaching them both is exhilarating, and she ignores the twinge in her chest. Self-doubt and low self-esteem are always creeping on her, buddies that follow her around just like the other two. But no, she will not let Sohalia’s happiness be ruined by her own inadequacy.

Even humble tone does not keep Rowan from retreating a part of her mind into the place she locked herself into to torture herself with her own self-hatred. In essence she is there, but approximately half of her is functioning. It is enough. It is always enough. Nobody ever notices, why would they care Rowan? Rowan internally shook the thought away. No, she didn’t even deserve to be depressed. However she is given her clue when she speaks. ”And Note.” Ah, yes…she knew that tone. It was not one she ever spoke with, nor had she experienced it herself, but Sohalia cannot hide from her perceptiveness. Loneliness claws at her ribcage but she smiles happily for her friend. ”I know that tone, friend. How do you feel about this Note, and why have I only just now heard of him?” Keeping herself happy instead of focusing on her own loneliness. It was not fair to taint Sohalia’s happiness with her own problems, especially because she really was happy for the alabaster mare.