| Outcast atk: 9 | def: 10.5 | dam: 2.5 |
| Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.2hh :: 8 HP: 61.5 | Buff: ENDURE |
| Gaz |
01-19-2013, 12:00 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-13-2013, 04:03 PM by Blu.)
M U R D O C K
If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
|
Murdock seemed rather prone to completely mental dreams lately. Night after night he would awake standing in a dense fog, stretching on and on no matter how far he walked, where an indefinite chill would cool him to the bones and he became overwhelmed by the strangest feelings; something that told him he was lost - but home, at the same time. Today however there was no fog, no wispy tendrils of pining mist; the light of dawn had chased that all away. The silence stretched on endlessly, not a sound to be heard save for a haunted, humming moan that seemed to increase as great black clouds swirled vacantly in the distant skies. A storm was on its way, and it would not be long before thunder shook the earth.
He felt the ground beneath his feet, cool and soft as if he were standing on clouds. The warmth of spring had begun to melt the snow upon the pale face of the steppe, leaving a slippery and uneven surface underfoot. Here and there, shallow divots from the hooves of those who had passed before him scarred the perfect landscape, creating the subtlest change in the monotonous steppe that stretched out for miles around him. Only the immense, dark shape of the sea to his left provided contrast against the stark white of the plains, and he fixed his gaze upon it with dull interest.
Though sleep had found him the previous night, he found himself tired and detached as if still walking through a dream. Orinthia was supposed to meet him here for a spar, and he was to teach her the art of fighting. He was looking forwards to their little training session, though he doubted his weary state would do much to impress her. Nonetheless, he eagerly awaited her arrival so they could begin. This spar would be a particular challenge for him, as he would attempt to remain with all four feet planted firmly on the ground so as to allow her a fair fight. He expected he would have trouble fighting against the reflex to spread his wings, but it would keep him on his toes.
With a grim smile, he turned his back to the dim applause of the sea to face the plain white expanse of the steppe. The sky above rumbled an ominous warning of the spring storm that was soon to fall upon the snowy plain, but he payed it no attention. A simple storm would not put him off, and a bit of bad weather would not deter him. Absently scraping at the softening snow, Murdock busied himself with a simple, distracting task as he waited for the black mare to arrive.
(OOC: 800 word maximum for posts, no magic or companions.
Setting - On the Frostbreath Steppe by the sea in the early afternoon. It's fairly warm out and the snow underfoot is beginning to melt, creating difficult footing. A spring storm is on its way, but it will have little effect on the outcome of the fight.
3 attack posts with 1 closing defence. Orinthia will attack first. Judged.)
"Speak"
|
 |
EDIT: Added Judge prefix. (02/04/2013)
| Hidden Account |
| Mare :: Equine :: 17 hands :: 4 years |
| Orinthia |
I was racing to my meeting place to see if Murdock was anywhere to be seen. I ran for so long, my breath was coming out labored. I saw in the distance. The black shape that I grown to recognize. I saw looming wings and I knew it was Murdock. He looked bigger, and healthier, and I was suddenly afraid of fighting him. What was I thinking? He is a well experienced warrior, and me? I was just an adventuring mare. I ran from my problems. They thought me to be brave, but I was truly just a coward. I didn't dare call up to him. I knew he would hear me galloping from behind him.
I trotted closer, and the slopes, and irritating holes in the ground made me stumble at times, as I ran to catch up with him. He seemed to be peering at the sea, with a stoic look. The wind blew harder, and I stumbled even more. Curse it all. The snow was melting, and slippery so I lost my footing again. Not only would I lose, but I would also make a complete fool of myself.
I slowed my gallop down to a slower trot. The afternoon sun finally appeared from behind the clouds lighting up the place. The scenery seemed magnificent. The landscape was white, with green poking through, and the rays of the sun could be seen shining down on us from the sky. The clouds, looming and gray covered the sky, casting a beautiful landscape. I almost stopped to gape at the beauty of this place, but nothing was deterring me from my fight now.
I looked out to the sea, and saw that storm clouds were starting to roll in fast. It seemed as if they were moving towards our direction. I saw a flash of lightning in the distance, but the storm didn't seem to be too big.
I finally made it to some flatter ground, and galloped towards Murdock. Instead of attacking him from behind, I circled around him to face him. "Hello Murdock. Long time, no see", I cheerfully said. I didn't know how to commence the fight. What should I do? An idea hit my head.
I suddenly made a quick jerk to the right, and reared up on my hind legs, bringing my two front legs down on his back. I was aiming to his the center of his back, just not too hard. I wanted it to be like a minor bruise. I was aiming to hit him with the bottom of my hoof, and not the sharper part.
Occ: Word count: 435
Summary: Orinthia races to commence her fight with Murdock. She circles him, rears up on her hind legs, and aims a blow at his back, but not wanting to cause too much injury. What will Murdock do to avoid, or counterattack her blow?
First post: Attack
2 more attacks and 1 defense
| Outcast atk: 9 | def: 10.5 | dam: 2.5 |
| Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.2hh :: 8 HP: 61.5 | Buff: ENDURE |
| Gaz |
01-28-2013, 03:22 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-28-2013, 04:03 AM by Murdock.)
M U R D O C K
If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
|
The sea at his back provided a soothing and simple soundtrack to accompany the monotonous emptiness of the plains, and to compliment the dull roar of the thunder as the mass of clouds moved closer over the mountains. Murdock paused in his idle task of scraping at the soft snow underfoot, taking a moment to admire the abstract patterns he had created in the white face of the steppe. Green eyes traced the shadowed outlines of the shallow impressions, the back of his mind scarcely catching the muted sound of approaching hoof beats. Lifting his head, he cast a glance over his shoulder to fix his gaze upon the tall black mare that approached him. His mind was still vaguely clouded with the fog of his dreams, but he still recognized the Friesian as his student-to-be.
Emerald gaze remained fixed on the young mare’s face as she came about to face him, a warm smile working its way onto his lips as he greeted her. A moment of silence followed her words as he sized her up, taking into consideration her advantages in height and size. She was of a heavier build than he, and as such her blows were likely to sustain much more force. However, he would have the advantage of light and swift movement. He tipped his chin back to meet her gaze, lips parting to reply to her words. However, his greeting was abruptly interrupted as Orinthia leapt to the right, her body coming towards him on his left side before he had a chance to react.
Murdock was caught off guard by her quick action, and he payed for his surprise with a delay in his own retaliation. He sidestepped to the right, fighting the urge to spread his wings and leap out of harm’s way. The black mare had reared up on her hind legs, and her large hooves were aimed directly at the center of his back. He wasn’t fast enough in his dodge, however, and the toes of her hooves connected firmly with the left side of his barrel. He grit his teeth against the pain, frustrated with his awkwardness. It had been months since he had fought anyone, and he was in rusty form.
Now, it was his turn to attack. He calculated his options quickly, turning his head towards her to assess their positions. Hardly wasting a moment, he pivoted sharply to the left on his heels and lunged towards her. As he passed her, his head curved down towards her elbow as his teeth aimed to plant a firm nip on her left shoulder; he didn’t intend to draw blood, after all she was still learning. He was planning on going easy on her until she could get into the swing of things. Not waiting to see if his attack was successful, he carried on past her until he was a good deal out of range of her hind legs.
Leaning back into a sliding stop, his hooves skidded through the soft snow until he came to a halt, leaving deep scars upon the surface of the steppe. The thunder roared ominously in the background as Murdock spun to the left in a half circle to face her. Adrenaline was surging through his blood and the exhilaration of fighting was beginning to catch up to him. His sides swelled with his deep breaths as he looked toward her, legs splayed beneath him as he awaited her next attack. “Is that all you got?!” He taunted playfully, a manic grin forming on his lips as he watched her.
(Summary: As Orinthia rears up on his left side and aims to strike Murdock in the center of the back, he takes a quick sidestep to the right. Her hooves connected with his barrel on his left side but they do not do any major damage. After assessing his options, he pivots sharply to the left on his heels and lunges into a canter to pass her on her left side. As he passes by her, he reaches down to attempt to bite her shoulder. He continues on past her and slides to a halt, spinning around to the left to face her once more and wait for her next attack.
Attack 1/3
Defence 0/1)
"Speak"
|
|
| Hidden Account |
| Mare :: Equine :: 17 hands :: 4 years |
| Orinthia |
01-28-2013, 08:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-28-2013, 09:31 AM by Orinthia.)
ORINTHIA</style>
Adventure is my Middle Name</style>
Walk walk walk
"Talk talk talk"
I saw Murdock's face transform into a smile as I came upon him, but it was arubtly cut when I reared up on my hind legs, and striked on him. As I struck down, Murdock slightly stumbled, and I was proud of myself for making such a surprise attack. I knew that pride wouldn't last for long, before he struck me down with one of his blows. Yes, I was heavier, and a stockier build, but Murdock had the advantage of wings, and the smaller, the more likely he was to dodge my other blows towards him.
Even though he moved nearly out of my reach, my hooves clipped some of his back. I saw his face transform into a slightly pained look, but it merely had an effect on him. His jaw slightly clenched, but he shook it off, and put on his strong look. I admired how he could be so strong, and wished I had the courage to be like him.
He sharply turned on his heels after lunging down on his back. His pointed hooves left deep marks in the steppe's land. I stared at them in awe. I wondered what they could do to a horses's flesh in the midst of a fight. A fire burned in my eyes, and even though it was a lesson, I wanted to win. I knew I had no chance, for he was a full grown warrior, and I was merely a mare.
He spun around in a half circle and faced me in the eye. As he passed, he gave me a nip on the shoulder. It was slightly painful, but blood didn't run out. He held a playful, mocking grin. 'Is that all you got?' He taunted me. I ran at him, and this time, instead of rearing up on my hind legs, I pivoted around, towards his flank, and tried to give him an intentional nip on his shoulder. I was trying to give him some of his own medicine, but not intended in a rude way. "Well. I don't have that much experience", I played around. I then whinnied and looked at him. "Attack me".
Summary: Orinthia got bit by Murdock, and got a little bit hurt. She then ran past him to tried to bite his shoulder, same as when he bit her. She then challenged him to really attack her.
Attack 2/3
Defense 0/1
blah blah
|
| Outcast atk: 9 | def: 10.5 | dam: 2.5 |
| Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.2hh :: 8 HP: 61.5 | Buff: ENDURE |
| Gaz |
M U R D O C K
If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
|
Murdock watched with a growing sense of pride as Orinthia spun around to face him, a new fire in her eyes as the spar progressed. He was impressed at how quickly she was catching on, and she would likely make a very good warrior. She certainly had a good build for fighting and she had a knack for keeping him on his toes. He studied her with an encouraging smile as she watched him, but she wasted little time in retaliating. His muscles tensed in anticipation of her next attack as he braced himself, wings pulling in tight against his sides as she ran for him.
She came up on his left side, pivoting towards his flank as her head reached towards his torso. He was ready for her attack and stepped to the right quickly, but the pinch of her teeth still met the flesh of his shoulder. Ignoring the pain for fear of losing his opportunity, he retaliated quickly as she passed, swinging his rear to the left and lifting his hind legs off the melting snow to kick out at her. His weight was thrust onto his front legs as his hooves aimed to strike her left flank, briefly setting his off balance. With his hind feet landing firmly on the ground once more, he turned quickly to the right to face her, wincing against the sting of her bite. He studied her with a calculating gaze for a moment, hearing the defiant challenge she called out at him.
The ghost of a smile appeared at the corner of his lips, and he didn’t hesitate to take this opportunity to surprise her. Propelled by his hind legs, Murdock launched himself towards her. When he was level with her right shoulder, he put on the brakes and leaned back into the slippery snow. He skidded a few feet farther than he had intended to, but he was still in a decent position. Rearing up on his hind legs as he turned toward her, he used the momentum of his weight to drive his teeth at her neck, aiming to bite her firmly behind the right ear.
Landing back on the snow, he pushed himself away from her quickly as the thunder rolled overhead. He was beginning to feel the strain of the muscle above his ribs where Orinthia’s hooves had initially connected with his side, but he did his best to ignore the dull pain. Though the sun’s bright face was not showing through the darkened storm clouds, the air was still warm and humid from the ocean. He kept his eyes fixed on the black mare, not allowing his gaze to stray to the uneven face of the steppe that was now marred by deep gashes from their hooves, nor the swelling black body of the ocean. “You’re doing well, Orinthia. There’s hope for you yet!”
(Summary: As Orinthia runs at Murdock (I took the liberty of saying she approached his left side since no direction was stated), he steps to the right to avoid her bite but she still makes contact with his shoulder. Before she is fully past him, he swings his rear to the left and kicks out at her left flank. Turning around to face her, he runs toward her and slides to a stop by her right shoulder. He rears up, and uses the momentum of his weight to drive force into a bite aimed behind her right ear. He backs away quickly from her to await her next attack.
Attack 2/3
Defence 0/1)
"Speak"
|
|
| Hidden Account |
| Mare :: Equine :: 17 hands :: 4 years |
| Orinthia |
ORINTHIA</style>
Adventure is my Middle Name</style>
Walk walk walk
"Talk talk talk"
I looked at Murdock as I slightly bit a little bit of skin from his shoulder. I smiled, as I did very well in succeeding in what I was intending to do. I barely pinched him though, as he sidestepped me with agile grace. I admired, that he was so small and so quick.
After he sidestepped me, out of the blue I felt a pair of hind legs kick my side. I experienced a lot of pain, as I winced and nearly whinnied out loud. Did hooves really hurt this much. I realized that he pivoted and lashed out on his hind legs. "Ow!" I exclaimed, not being able to contain the pain of his sharp hooves. He then quickly faced me. After calling out my challenge, a dominant light shined in his eyes as he raced towards me with a slight smile on his face. I didn't know what to do. Side step him? Defend myself? I didn't know.
He suddenly skidded a few feet, and I nearly interpreted what he was going to do. He reared up on his hind legs, and he seemed much more intimidating now that he towered me with his giant wings, widespread, and his powerful jaw above me. I looked at him, and sidestepped to the right, where he was going to aim at my right ear. He came down, but as I was swinging my neck away from him, his jaws clipped my left ear, and hard. My eyes widened as a new shock wave of pain entered my system. I didn't dare tug, for I didn't want to rip my ear. I finally struggled a bit, and came out of the grasp. I flicked my ear just to make sure if it was intact. I felt it move, but it felt very sore.
I just smiled. "That was great Murdock, I'm glad I'm getting better", I said, proud of nearly anticipating his attack. I suddenly without warning sidestepped his body again, lashing out towards the right side of his body, and trying to aim for his frontal legs. I was going to try to make him get off balance.
Summary:
Orinthia gets hit by Murdock on the flank, where he was intending. She then sort of anticipates his second attack after her challenge to him, and he clips her left ear instead of the right side of her neck/ear. She stays still for a few moments, and then struggles out of his grasp with a nearly torn ear. She then goes around his right and tries to lash a hind kick towards his frontal legs to knock him off balance.
Attacks 3/3
Defense 0/1
blah blah blah blah
|
| Outcast atk: 9 | def: 10.5 | dam: 2.5 |
| Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.2hh :: 8 HP: 61.5 | Buff: ENDURE |
| Gaz |
M U R D O C K
If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
|
Lightning crackled above the mountains in bright flashes, making it appear as though the clouds were being split apart by fiery knives. The ocean roared dully behind him, a new darkness falling over the steppe as the mass of clouds darkened. Murdock watched Orinthia carefully, attempting to anticipate her next move and preparing himself for action. He stepped quickly to the left as she came up on his right side, his feet slipping in the soft snow as he danced away from her. He felt slow and clumsy, and his lack of practice was posing to be a frustrating obstacle.
He did not step far enough away, however, and she caught him behind the right knee with a rear hoof. The strength of her kick forced the joint forward, and Murdock found his knee pushed out as his forelegs slid under him. Losing his balance, he fell to the wet snow on his knees. Squeezing his eyes shut, he grit his teeth against the swarming pain that blossomed from his right knee. The cold snow surrounded his forelegs, slightly numbing the swelling joint and providing the slightest amount of relief from the sharp pain.
Spreading his wings for balance, Murdock slowly lifted his left foreleg and pushed himself up onto all fours again. He winced as his weight was shifted onto his right leg, stumbling slightly in the slippery snow. The knee was a very sensitive spot to be struck, and Orinthia had done well to choose it as her target. He turned about to the right to face her as quickly as his knee would allow, wasting no time in analyzing his options. The kick to the knee would greatly hinder his abilities, but he guessed he was close enough to her to manage another attack. Lunging toward her, his teeth aimed for the sensitive skin beneath her throat on the right side of her neck.
Attempting to exercise some restraint with his student, he decided to attempt a less violent attack next. Taking a few steps back so as to be in a more convenient position, he turned quickly to the right so his rear was level with the point of her shoulder. Throwing his hip toward her right shoulder, he attempted to set her off balance or at least force her to stumble a few steps. She was heavier than him, but her center of gravity was higher than his and with any luck the force of his hip-check would knock her off balance.
(Summary: Murdock steps to the left as Orinthia comes up on his right side, attempting to dodge her kick. She strikes him on the back of his right knee and pushes his forelegs out from under him. Getting back to his feet, he lunges toward her and aims a bite for her throat on the right side of her neck. Finally, he attempts a hip check on her right shoulder, hoping to throw her off balance or atleast cause her to stumble a bit.
Attack 3/3
Defence 0/1)
"Speak"
|
|
| Hidden Account |
| Mare :: Equine :: 17 hands :: 4 years |
| Orinthia |
ORINTHIA</style>
Adventure is my Middle Name</style>
Walk walk walk
"Talk talk talk"
I finally realized that the thunderstorm caught up with our fighting as I saw flashing lightning in the sky. The wind was starting to blow a little bit harsher, and the waves were rising, as I saw the crest at the corners of my eyes. The new scenery seemed to make the fight look more epic. I smiled internally at my own filly-ish thought. Ha ha. I loved how the darkness started engulfing us, as the afternoon sun could barely be seen through the clouds.
As I kicked, I felt that Murdock sidestepped me, but as he did, my hoof still connected with one of his legs. I felt as he buckled and fell. As I whipped around, I saw him splayed out on the snow, with his back facing me. I wondered what his face looked like, but he heaved himself back on his hooves, and I observed his already swelling joint. I braced myself for what was going to come next, and with lightning speed and accuracy, he bit the soft skin of my throat. Pain engulfed me, as his teeth sank in.
I cried out, not caring if he would see. I was new to this, and obviously, I couldn't keep as straight of a face like Murdock. I tried pulling out of his grasp, and he let go of me skin while he walked around to my side. Before I realized it, I felt his hip barrel onto my shoulder. With the light rain starting to fall, the slippery snow, and his powerful hindquarters, I slipped, and tripped on the snow. Humiliation burned through me as I struggled to get back up. My leg was slightly bruised, and pain shot up it as I stood back up with an embarrassed look, but I was going to defend myself now.
Summary: Orinthia gets bitten and knocked down by Murdock's lunge, and hip check. She slightly bruises her leg causing her pain. ***I am confused. Do I keep on attacking Orinthia, or do I make her defend herself. Can I attack Murdock still? Or has the spar ended.
o.O Sorry for the inconvenience. ***
blah blah blah
|
| Administrator |
| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
| Official |
|
O r i n t h i a | M u r d o c k
- - - - -
By my verdict MURDOCK is the winner.
ORINTHIA -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: rear
- 1| Powerplay: “…bringing my two front legs down on his back”
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MURDOCK -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: hit to barrel
+ 1| Attack: bite
[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 2| Easy read
ORINTHIA -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bitten
- 1| Attack: should bite – you were running at him, then pivoted at his flank (not sure what that means) and then bit his shoulder? This is entirely confusing because it’s like she’s facing and standing in different directions at once.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MURDOCK -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bitten – didn’t seem necessary to take this attack given the circumstances
+ 1| Attack: buck
+ 1| Attack: bite
+ 1| Injury: mentioning rib pain
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 2| Flow
+ 2| Easy read
ORINTHIA -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: took buck – you described it weird and it confused me, because you wrote it as if it was two different kicks/attacks.
0| Injury: you mention pain, but little else, please describe in more detail next time.
- 1| Defense: ear bite – there’s no way he could have gotten your left ear instead of your right
- 1| Attack: lashed out – his left side is to you, not his right, and you have no detail to this attack.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow
0| Easy read – some confusing areas
MURDOCK -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: knocked to knees – loved the description of this
+ 1| Attack: bite
0| Attack: hip-check – unrealistic he’d be shoving his hip left, to her right, thus shoving off his recently injured right knee.
[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 2| Flow
+ 2| Easy read
ORINTHIA -- post 4 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bitten – not necessary to take this attack in this scenario
0| Defense: knocked over – unlikely she’d be shoved over from a small hip check. He was close to her and they weren’t really moving, so she shouldn’t have been that unbalanced, even in snow.
ORINTHIA
[Bonus]
+ 2| Surroundings
+ 1| Breed
+ 1| Health
[Injuries]
- 1| Ending the fight not standing.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Great use of the snow with your slipping.
Comments: You did incredibly well in this fight (I believe it’s your first?)! You already show a good grasp of describing scenery and breed differences and how they affect you in the game. You also did very well with mentioning your injuries, although in some cases more description of the injury to your body and not just saying it hurt would be better (bruise vs. tear vs. swelling etc.). You also had a habit of taking every injury, which isn’t necessary! You can fully evade some attacks, so long as it’s realistic to do so given the scenario. I think you still have some practice to do regarding setting up good attacks. You had a lot of stop and go fighting so it didn’t flow well and there was a lot of waiting time between everything, and you only ever seemed to attack once per post which, although fine, I would have liked to see more variety instead of a formula. Try studying how real horses fight and read up on other judged spars to get a sense of good attacks/defenses and timing and positioning. Prose wise you did very well integrating emotion! Just expand on it a little bit more :) you’re biggest issue was flow. Your writing felt very choppy and abrupt, so try to use more transitive words. Otherwise keep at it.
MURDOCK
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 2| Surroundings
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Great use of the now with your slipping.
Comments: You also did incredibly well. I really enjoyed reading your posts, you had lovely prose, but I was so sad you didn’t include a lot of emotion! I think you got so focused on the technical, which is very easy to do, you forgot to put more of Murdock’s feelings and thoughts into it, so that’s a definite thing for you to focus on because it will really help make the fight more alive. Realism wise you did amazing with your scenery, but I’d rather see more of how it influences the fight than just describing it, and you also did good mentioning the breeds but again more how it affects than just description. For instance you both kept saying how Orinthia was bigger/slower and Murdock smaller/faster, but you took every single one of her attacks! If he was faster I would have expected you to play upon better evasions – and just as a general point I was surprised you took every single attack. Although it is not a bad thing, it does beat your character up. Missing attacks isn’t wrong so long as it’s realistic given the scenario, some of which were for you. Attack wise though you did exceptionally well, and I really liked how well you did with describing and remembering injuries. Overall you’re likely to only keep improving at this rate.
TOTAL
ORINTHIA - 59
MURDOCK - 74
|
 |
Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr
|
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
⇒
Stark Raving Mad [Orinthia]
