At first his expression tells me he's shocked, and I'm standing at the tip of my toes waiting for him to say something. "No, I won't hate you." So he says. I sigh in relief. But I celebrate a bit too soon. Those dreadful words I didn't want to hear came right after that.

"Neither can I love you, Leyra. I'm sorry."

My blue eyes drift downward, staring at nothing but the snow. Tears stream out of my eyes, finally released. All these emotions. Everything. It all shattered. When those words were let loose from Mauja's lips I felt like I couldn't hold anything back anymore. As I try to focus back on Mauja I speak. "I'm a fool. A fool for having such a stupid fantasy. I knew it would never be." I glance up at Mauja, feeling my heart crack in two. He truly didn't love me. Why? I wished to find out but I know he would never tell me. I can't even bear to look into his eyes, or at him for that matter. I'd probably end up crying a river. Or a whole ocean for that matter.

I sigh, gathering the small amount of courage I had. I slowly lifted my gaze, staring at Mauja. My lips quiver. My body disagrees with my actions. It wants me to run. But to who? And where? I had no one to care about. And no one cared about me. I have my dear little Frost, but I doubt she'd want to listen to my sobbing over love. More tears well up inside. Frost doesn't even care about me anymore. She's grown more attached to Psyche than me! I wanted to die. To rot away. I was ready to ask Mauja to kill me, but that'd be cruel.

I finally muster enough strength to speak. Although my lips are constantly quivering and I'm choking on my own tears. "I-I-I unde-erstand." I pause, inhaling. All these emotions were destroying me. I most likely wouldn't be able to hold myself together. "I-Is it b-because you love her? Psyche?" I'm ready to drop down to the ground. Already my knees are buckling, wobbling. I couldn't even hold myself up. I was a total wreck.

Being emotionally unstable is horrible. It's like a huge war raging through your entire body. One emotion against another. You could also say it's like a million aggressive duels going on inside you. Each emotion trying to get the upper hand. Or maybe like climbing a mountain. There's only a few moments when a single emotion is on the very peak before another one comes and takes over. Trying to explain this is difficult. You kind of just have to experience it for yourself. Once in this emotionally unstable state you can't really hold yourself together. Like a shattered piece of glass. You just become worse trying to pull yourself together.

Tears are constantly flowing down my cheeks. Once after the other. I couldn't tell whether or not I was angry or depressed. Or both. I was so confused. My brain was working as fast as it could to sort all these emotions out but it was going too slow. I wanted to run. Run far away. Run so far no one could ever see me again. Yes. That'd be wonderful. To hide away on an island and die alone. My brain still struggled to process the reasons why Mauja could and couldn't love me. My stupid fantasy should never have existed. I never should have existed. I look up at Mauja, waiting silently for his next words or actions.

[[Emotional Leyra is emotional :/]]