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02-12-2013, 06:47 PM
I'm just standing there, leaning against Mauja and weeping. What was the whole point of all this? Why was I even here. By now I had forgotten. My heart guided me, almost like the blind leading the blind. I wanted to curl up in a corner and weep until my tears ran dry. Or until I died. But with Mauja right beside me that could never happen. I can feel my heart, pounding slowly. Pain gripped my heart with an iron hold, making sure it wouldn't let go. Couldn't Mauja just understand? It was so hard explaining why I wanted a child. Especially in this emotionally unstable state. I was as fragile as glass. Make a wrong move and I shatter.
I JUST WANT A CHILD! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU?! I wished to scream out. But I didn't. It'd be quite rude of me. But maybe then he'd understand? No. Probably not. He'd probably hate me further. Mauja never said he hated you. I sigh, closing my eyes. I could feel so much pressure, it all weighed down on me. It felt as though I was holding up the sky itself, like I couldn't drop or else everything would come crashing down on top of me. Everything was so painful right now. My lungs burned from all the gagging and the tears. My eyes stung with the salt, and my body ached from all these emotions and the numbing cold.
Mauja speaks again, and this time, I realize I'm failing. I'm failing at convincing him. Why was I even trying to convince him in the first place? I shake my head, a frown still placed on my delicate lips. "Mauja, if you really want to know why I want a child from you, I'll tell you now." I inhale, readying myself for the many words that would soon slip out of my maw. "It's because, in the past I've been tricked by so many stallions. Descaro is the most recent one. He tricked me, made me think I loved him. Another few stallions did the same thing in my homeland. All of them got me pregnant, and but when I gave birth to the foals I had no time to see my own child. They took my newborn foals away from me, leaving them somewhere even I don't know. Only one of those foals I was able to raise. But even then, I lost her. I lost her to her father. He stole her, taking her far away. Afterwords, I came here, you know. Then I saw Descaro. And he played me the same way. Only he allowed me to keep the child, but she's begun to hate me. If I have this child with you, it will be the only child I've had knowing the father is just hurting me. That the father wasn't intentionally hurting my already broken heart. If I do have the child, I will raise it with all the love I can give. This time, I will make no mistakes. I will protect this child with all my life." I pause, taking in a few gulps of air before I say one last thing."I that enough information for you?" A small smile spreads across my lips as I stare at Mauja with blue orbs. I wait for him to reply, wishing to see his reaction.
And for once in a long time.
I was happy.
I JUST WANT A CHILD! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU?! I wished to scream out. But I didn't. It'd be quite rude of me. But maybe then he'd understand? No. Probably not. He'd probably hate me further. Mauja never said he hated you. I sigh, closing my eyes. I could feel so much pressure, it all weighed down on me. It felt as though I was holding up the sky itself, like I couldn't drop or else everything would come crashing down on top of me. Everything was so painful right now. My lungs burned from all the gagging and the tears. My eyes stung with the salt, and my body ached from all these emotions and the numbing cold.
Mauja speaks again, and this time, I realize I'm failing. I'm failing at convincing him. Why was I even trying to convince him in the first place? I shake my head, a frown still placed on my delicate lips. "Mauja, if you really want to know why I want a child from you, I'll tell you now." I inhale, readying myself for the many words that would soon slip out of my maw. "It's because, in the past I've been tricked by so many stallions. Descaro is the most recent one. He tricked me, made me think I loved him. Another few stallions did the same thing in my homeland. All of them got me pregnant, and but when I gave birth to the foals I had no time to see my own child. They took my newborn foals away from me, leaving them somewhere even I don't know. Only one of those foals I was able to raise. But even then, I lost her. I lost her to her father. He stole her, taking her far away. Afterwords, I came here, you know. Then I saw Descaro. And he played me the same way. Only he allowed me to keep the child, but she's begun to hate me. If I have this child with you, it will be the only child I've had knowing the father is just hurting me. That the father wasn't intentionally hurting my already broken heart. If I do have the child, I will raise it with all the love I can give. This time, I will make no mistakes. I will protect this child with all my life." I pause, taking in a few gulps of air before I say one last thing."I that enough information for you?" A small smile spreads across my lips as I stare at Mauja with blue orbs. I wait for him to reply, wishing to see his reaction.
And for once in a long time.
I was happy.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open, just to feel
![[Image: 2jewqqh.jpg]](http://oi46.tinypic.com/2jewqqh.jpg)
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open, just to feel
