He moves from me and the absence creates a yearning for him to return, mouth hangs limp as if to retort this motion; yet no words fall into place to make it so. Was he really growing this fast? Shooting up like a little sapping that was stretching to find its place in a wide world full of tall oaks. The space between us instantly chills, and I sense what is coming yet can’t fathom hearing those words come to life. The tight furrowing of brow and straight lined frown seems misplaced on a normally cheerful face. My child was going to rebuke a command, and with a grimace I stare. Waiting to see what Cera planned to do next.

”No, no I won’t!”

Vocals are dropping from the high pitched voice of a boy, to one that will someday boom with the tone of a man. I stare at him dumbly, stricken and momentarily lost. Anger I was expecting, sadness even, but....no?
Though outward features seem to hold their stern placement, I struggle to retain composure; control over this situation was slipping away. An adolescence stands up against my direction and pushes for his own way, “I want to fight, daddy! You can’t make me leave!” Tan wings start to unfurl and for a moment I wonder with widening eyes if he was going to recklessly take heaven by force.

My first instinct was to plead with him, beg him to see reason. But those glinting eyes tells me he would have none of it. Fiercely I search memories for an answer, my second thought was to do the unthinkable and rise over him, overpower and subdue this outburst of sudden disobedience. He knew, and I knew, hell everyone knew that a colt simply couldn’t be placed on the battlefield.

But what would yelling at him solve? He would learn nothing from this if I simply forced my will upon him…. No, I finally resolved, this matter had to be handed a certain way and carefully.

During this thinking process I simply sit by in silence, my eyes never leaving his face. Eventually my searching gaze notices something that halts the anger of being told ‘no.’ I see concern and love, a strong will to protect.

Maybe this gentle soul did possess the fire of a warrior after all.

The tight lines on my face relax ever so slightly, and gaze turns away to stare past him toward heaven. Thoughtfully I respond, ”You are correct,” ears tilt ever so slightly in a backwards direction, the only warning he was going to get for what was to happen next, I can’t force you to leave.” My voice is soft, dangerously somber, ”You ask for the chance to enter hell, to fly back into the arms of death….I will not lie to you Cera…cannot lie to you.”

“This request means only heartache and pain."

"Unlike your current state, I am built for battle and war…have been trained and tested for it since youth.” Cera wanted to fight, and the thought of it made my heart sick with dread. Nausea burst up and threatened to close of throat. Forcefully I powered through it all the same, “Hold fast and hear my words child, see what battle has created.” Rising slowly I call upon the pulsing collar around my neck, it feels warm and comforting. But its purpose was anything but comfort, it was built to not only protect, but to kill. Rapidly each smooth plate snaps forward so that I become a beast of metal by the time body fully stands.

This frame was a terror he hadn't seen except in fleeting moments. Cera had only witness me wearing this armor once before, on the day of his violent attack. Purposely I hadn’t ever shown it to him, because I didn’t want him to be afraid…..

My heart thunders away beneath the sheets of metal and gold, and from behind the horned mask my eyes flash, gentleness gone and the edge of a warrior in its place, “Gaze upon me not as a babe with fear and a trembling heart, but as a man--for you desire something that is not childish…." Staring down at him through masked eyes I add gently, "Think upon this, and answer me honestly....do you still want to fight by my side?” My purpose was not frighten, but to make Cera realize the full weight of this choice. It was his alone to make, I couldn’t make it for him; nor could I protect him forever.