| Deceased |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.3 hh :: 3 years |
| Dark |
I'm trembling, whether it's because of the cold or because of all the emotions clashing together within my body. Mauja's warm figure was pressed against me, my eyes closed. I flared my nostrils, breathing in and out, trying to release all these emotions. But it didn't work so well. The emotions wedged themselves within me, making sure my head throbbed as well as my heart.
"Are you sure?
I listen to Mauja, staring at him. I muster the smallest smile, curling the corner of my lips. "I'm positive." I speak softly, staring at Mauja. Our eyes are locked together, but I pull away quickly. The tears are still slipping down my cheeks, dropping to the ground.
"Wouldn't it just be a constant reminder of the dream you can never reach?"
Upon his next words I sigh, shaking my head. "I suppose it would be, but that doesn't matter anymore now does it?" I stare down at the ground, realizing it was true. Why would I want a child, that would constantly force me to remember the dream I never could accomplish. I'm rummaging through my thoughts and memories, sorting out the many times I had been played, tortured and abused. All those memories filled up maybe a little more than half of my mind, and suddenly I was placed back home. I was there on the beach, a wing draped over me. I was leaning against another stallion, watching the sun set in an array of colors. And then everything goes black. I blink a few times, and suddenly I'm laying beside a small foal. But it's not Frost, it's the other foal. The one I had had when I was in my old home. I shiver, opening my eyes. I was back in the present day, leaning against Mauja.
"Will you still leave?
The question slides out of Mauja's lips, flying into my ears. Instantly I flick my ears to the side. "I suppose I would stay..." The words slowly fade off my tongue, my blue eyes drifting to my hooves once again. I wondered what Mauja was thinking. I stare at him, trying to figure out his expression. But it was next to impossible to do. I give up, tilting my elegant head towards the sky. My nostrils flare, allowing a small puff of air to slip out of my lungs. I tilt my head towards Mauja, my horn almost touching his. Yet again silence slides between us like glass, fragile, delicate.
Breakable.
[[Very bad post. ;_;]]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open, just to feel
![[Image: 2jewqqh.jpg]](http://oi46.tinypic.com/2jewqqh.jpg)
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
|
Striking mights and maybes even more
A useless thing called life
It's a biting cold again
Time seemed to slow, and the world with it. The frantic pace of his heart lessened slightly, freed by the relative silence, the lack of words begging for salvation from him. His throat still felt choked, but each black breath came in a little easier. Maybe he could get through this. Maybe he wouldn't break his head in half trying to fix this. Quivering breaths escaped him in white puffs of smoke, and her voice answered his; "I'm positive." Tears and emotion still thickened it, but something about it seemed less desperate — his eyes opened, and fell upon her face, the tears still brimming her eyes and a small, barely visible smile upon her lips. Was she feeling better, or just trying to convince him it wasn't dangerous? That it was alright? But he wasn't convinced, as everything about it felt strange. Why would giving her a foal fix things? His logic seemed to get to her, she sighed and lowered her head, small voice slipping out.
Was that it, then? His mind kept on glitching, sliding in and out of focus and clarity, dark patches blinkering his concentration. Had that simple question decided it for her, or would she keep begging him? Waiting, he watched her, but she seemed gone again, looking at nothing but dead space and quivering slightly where she leaned against him. She felt cold, even where she was pressed up against his flank, and Mauja frowned slightly at her. Shifting in the snow to better bear their weights while relaxing, his mind almost began straying before she snapped back with a shiver. Swallowing, his ears fell back, preparing for another onslaught of her desperate will grinding against his conscience.
But no.
She'd stay. If he covered her, she'd stay, and live with the reminder of a dream shattered. It was absurd. It was like Seiren and her half-breed filly in a backwards manner, martyrdom and and and... Slowly he leveled his icy gaze on hers again. "Then how could it help?" His voice bordered on cold, and he wondered why he'd spoken at all. He could've just nudged her on, taken her home to the Basin, and let her get over this and wake up a bit. Remember that there was more to life than him. Yet his tongue kept babbling, and he dropped his head slightly. His frosty horn leaned against hers, and he heaved a miniscule sigh. He felt calmer now, more rational — more convinced that giving in to her would be wrong, unless she found some undeniable logic to throw in his face. Children created upon whims seldom turned out well, and while he loved them no less, it was no reason to create them.
 |
CREDITS
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.3 hh :: 3 years |
| Dark |
I'm just standing there, leaning against Mauja and weeping. What was the whole point of all this? Why was I even here. By now I had forgotten. My heart guided me, almost like the blind leading the blind. I wanted to curl up in a corner and weep until my tears ran dry. Or until I died. But with Mauja right beside me that could never happen. I can feel my heart, pounding slowly. Pain gripped my heart with an iron hold, making sure it wouldn't let go. Couldn't Mauja just understand? It was so hard explaining why I wanted a child. Especially in this emotionally unstable state. I was as fragile as glass. Make a wrong move and I shatter.
I JUST WANT A CHILD! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU?! I wished to scream out. But I didn't. It'd be quite rude of me. But maybe then he'd understand? No. Probably not. He'd probably hate me further. Mauja never said he hated you. I sigh, closing my eyes. I could feel so much pressure, it all weighed down on me. It felt as though I was holding up the sky itself, like I couldn't drop or else everything would come crashing down on top of me. Everything was so painful right now. My lungs burned from all the gagging and the tears. My eyes stung with the salt, and my body ached from all these emotions and the numbing cold.
Mauja speaks again, and this time, I realize I'm failing. I'm failing at convincing him. Why was I even trying to convince him in the first place? I shake my head, a frown still placed on my delicate lips. "Mauja, if you really want to know why I want a child from you, I'll tell you now." I inhale, readying myself for the many words that would soon slip out of my maw. "It's because, in the past I've been tricked by so many stallions. Descaro is the most recent one. He tricked me, made me think I loved him. Another few stallions did the same thing in my homeland. All of them got me pregnant, and but when I gave birth to the foals I had no time to see my own child. They took my newborn foals away from me, leaving them somewhere even I don't know. Only one of those foals I was able to raise. But even then, I lost her. I lost her to her father. He stole her, taking her far away. Afterwords, I came here, you know. Then I saw Descaro. And he played me the same way. Only he allowed me to keep the child, but she's begun to hate me. If I have this child with you, it will be the only child I've had knowing the father is just hurting me. That the father wasn't intentionally hurting my already broken heart. If I do have the child, I will raise it with all the love I can give. This time, I will make no mistakes. I will protect this child with all my life." I pause, taking in a few gulps of air before I say one last thing."I that enough information for you?" A small smile spreads across my lips as I stare at Mauja with blue orbs. I wait for him to reply, wishing to see his reaction.
And for once in a long time.
I was happy.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open, just to feel
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
|
Striking mights and maybes even more
A useless thing called life
It's a biting cold again
"Mauja, if you really want to know why I want a child from you, I'll tell you now."
Did he really want to know? Both yes, and no. Yes, because it was a mystery, a thing which intrigued him (or normally would; his mind was still frazzled).. a little something which had thrown a spark on the embers of his curiosity, which had one been one of the hottest flames in his soul. And no, because knowing the reasons might give him understanding.. might fit the puzzle, the logic, and sway his mind with argument. Was it that he thought Leyra couldn't be a good mother? No — he didn't doubt her. It was just... what would the child be, to him? Was he ready for another? Did he want another? Yet he felt that the pace of the world was too high, that he wasn't given enough time to think. But at the same time, if given the time to ponder, he would ponder for eternity, and the moment would slip past, their bodies crumble to dust before a decision was reached. Sometimes, it just wasn't the time for thought.
Descaro. He should've been able to guess that, really; Frost was her father's dark bay, with her mother's appaloosa hind end. Briefly Mauja closed his eyes. How other stallions treated their mares was none of his business, and while he would never do it himself.. yes, it stirred a faint anger that Descaro had been the one to cover Leyra, and then dump her, but at the same time he couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever led her own, or if she'd mired herself in delusions which would only hurt her. Descaro was a loyal soldier.
It was a sad tale she painted, and for a while he did not understand what the point was, why she was telling him of her broken past — how could a child not born of love possibly solve it? "If I have this child with you, it will be the only child I've had knowing .. that the father wasn't intentionally hurting my already broken heart." Was it so wrong, to wish for someone to love, to cherish? Someone to keep loving, and cherishing? Where she had no expectations from the father, no fantasies, nor the prospect of it being taken from her looming above her head? His blue eyes opened again, and for a while he did not look at her, but at the pale horizon. "Almost," he responded to her question after a moment. Just a few things more... "What would you expect of me, once it is born?" His eyes locked onto hers; would she expect him to help raise it, to ignore it, to.. what? "And what is to stop it from drifting away like your other daughter, whom you love, too?" Or was she just clinging to hope, that this child would not hurt her, push her away?
But what if it did, and broke her heart even more? Was it better to be cracked, than have someone glue you back together only for you to break again?
|
CREDITS
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.3 hh :: 3 years |
| Dark |
Mauja continues to question me, and I wish to scream. Can't you just give in!> I sigh, knowing he has a point. My ears are flicked back, that small moment of joy and happiness was now gone, slipped from my grasp. "I wouldn't necessarily expect you to do much as the father of the child. I guess I'd think you'd teach the child once and a while. But you need not worry about the child unless you really want to..." I tilt my head, giving a soft smile.
My heart reached for Mauja, my blue eyes drifting to him. Mauja, my love. I feel contained. My heart longs for you but I cannot reach you. Why must everything be this way? I speak within my head, sighing. Mauja's voice brings me back, and I turn my head towards him. Without hesitation I speak, tears still slipping down my cheeks. "If the child... left me?" I pause, thinking about this. What would I do? Run after the child? Cry some more? No. I would follow the child, speak with them. Yes, that sounded about right. "I-I would speak with the child. I would follow them, and ask them why they left me. I suppose that's the best thing to do..." I stare at the ground, my cloven hooves digging further into the snow.
The pain in my heart, it felt like a burning fire. Growing larger as the seconds ticked by. For every second I stood beside Mauja the pain grew. Soon enough it would become unbearable and I would brake yet again. I can feel heat slowly rising from Mauja's white body, and I press against him, still cold. Everything seemed to stop. Time remained unmoving, and it seemed that only here and now mattered. I can see the sun slowly dipping down, below the horizon. The moon is already slipping up into the sky. It's so late... I sigh, feeling comforted. I wanted this moment to last. That is, if Mauja had loved me. But he did not, so this moment couldn't be very romantic.
And it never will be.
[[Very bad post. ;__;]]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open, just to feel
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
Of course, his myriad questions would bother her — why shouldn't they? She felt her request was justified, she knew her own reasons, and yet he kept doubting her, asking all the little things she probably did not want to think about. But, he could not do wrong by a child just for the sake of the mother's whims. He had to know, to.. feel right with it. He doubted he could ever understand her, or her reasons, for they seemed alien and flawed to him, but if he could feel alright with it... Then, maybe, he could help her. For help her he wanted, to make her feel happy and carefree, to smile and not cry, or lie broken in the snow beginning for death. When she spoke again, she smiled softly through the tears, and Mauja's ears gently turned back, not to lie against his neck in anger, but in some expression akin to thoughtfulness, or sorrow. At least she was not delusional enough to think that a child would force him into becoming, or acting, her mate or something. If he wanted to, he could give her what she wanted, and then walk away, leaving her with a child and desolation. She did not expect him to take up a steady position in her life.
Neither could he treat a child of his own body with disdain, nor fail to acknowledge it; "bastard" or not, it would be his. Even Tamlin, wherever the lynx-boy was now, he loved, despite the circumstances of his conception, and the manner in which Lotus had raised him. Her eyes shed more tears to freeze upon her cheeks and drip upon the snow, and Mauja reached out to push his warm muzzle against them, as if to stem the flow. Neither of them could know if a child of theirs would stay with its mother, and love her, but now that he had introduced the possibility into her world, would she rather stay as she was? He thought not, for her tongue did not say this is a bad idea, and her body pressed against him for strength, and comfort.
Mauja closed his eyes.
Who was he, to deny her this? To refuse would just be cruel, but even as he searched his soul, he found nothing but a gray, dreary tiredness. Nothing to spark a fire, and beside him, she kept sighing. Darkness had fallen, and as he slowly opened his eyes, the faintest hint of silver was visible in them. He might have yielded to her request — for now — but he was not in the mood to get it on. "Alright," he said heavily after a moment, his breath slipping out like a white cloud in the cold darkness. "But not tonight." His white tail lashed once against his hocks. If this was to happen, she better keep meaning it — he wouldn't let it happen with her nothing but a broken, teary-eyed mess and he just barely having avoided a hysteric breakdown. "Another time. For now.. let's just go home." His voice was quiet, tired even, and gently he nudged her black, cold shoulder, willing her to move, and follow him back west, to the Basin.
maybe you could wrap it up in your next post or something? :)
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.3 hh :: 3 years |
| Dark |
I'm still sobbing. Why was I still sobbing? I wasn't able to control myself. I press closer to Mauja. There's nothing but silence between us. I can feel all this suspense, mainly because I was waiting on Mauja to answer me. Would he be willing to be a father again or not?
I stare at Mauja for a while, letting the tears stream down my face. I slowly watch as Mauja places his dark, velvety muzzle against my cheek to disrupt the flow of tears. I smile, enjoying his breath brushing against my cheek. It all seems so... amazing. No, everything seems so surreal. I sigh, enjoying the moment. I had never been so close to Mauja, physically anyway. And now, I would be connected with him in another way.
"Alright."
I pull my face away from him, somewhat shocked. He had given in? Took long enough. I smile, placing my head in the same place it was before. "Thank you." I murmur to him, my words are soft and delicate. It's late in the night, and I don't think I have enough energy to get with it or anything... maybe tomorrow or something. I believe Mauja was thinking the same thing, for he says it was time to go home. I nod, feeling him nudging my cold, dark shoulder, and I begin to walk slowly. I glance back, making sure Mauja was right behind me every step of the way. We were heading home. To the Basin, the only place that I actually feel at home. Who was I to think I didn't belong in the Basin? I was a unicorn. And... I loved the Basin. And Mauja. I smile, shaking my elegant head slightly. I glance over at Mauja, my blue eyes tracing over his dark figure before I turn around and continue walking towards home.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind us the past is real
I tear my heart open, just to feel
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